Krissy Krissy

Anger surged through my veins, my skin freezing, and my eyes were unable to meet his gaze steadily.

“Y-y-y-o-o-o-u-u” I managed to sputter out, finally beginning to stare at him; glare. He reached out to me glumly,

“Please, forgive me, Krissy. I’m sorry. I love you, you know that right? Forgive me baby.”

With a small smile playing across my lips, I widened my eyes in mock surprise. “You’re sorry? Well, than that just changes everything, doesn’t it?” my tone dripped in sarcasm and I spun around towards my non-existent audience in my rant. “Did you hear that everyone? He’s sorry!” I announced dramatically. I slapped him across the face, the act fading away along with the half-smile.

Tears spill over my closed eyelids, smearing the mascara till it starts staining my cheeks. “Why?” I cried out, stepping carefully back, away from him. “If you love me so much, answer me this: why’d you do it?”

“Krissy” he whispers, grabbing onto my elbow. “Please, I’m sorry.”

“You cheated on me! How am I supposed to forgive a person I can’t even trust?”

“Damnit Krissy, I’m sorry. I’ve said it a million times!”

“Yea, yea. You can say it. How about you try meaning it?” I snatched my arm back.

“Krissy,” he says desperately, “You can’t be mad forever.”

“Ah, you’re right. I’ll be dead long before than.” I stared at him for a long moment in silence.

“Krissy, if I could take it back I would. Do you want me to kill myself? I’ll do it!” he shouted hysterically.

A short bitter laugh escaped my lips, “Don’t kid yourself. You don’t have it in you.”

“If that’s what it takes!”

“You know what? I don’t care anymore! It’s not even worth it, ok? You cheated. And you liked every minute of it, didn’t you? I saw you. With her. It’s over.”

“Krissy!”

His eyes bore into my skull, drilling into my memory. But, of course I’d never forget him.

The very next day, the phone calls came.

The day after that there was the roses.

Than there was the chocolate.

The quartet on her doorstep.

The rocks at her window.

The emails.

The car outside her house.

The poems.

The letters.

Quite frankly, I was getting scared. I didn’t usually get scared, but he was everywhere. I went to my locker, and he was at his. I went to the mall, and he showed up. I couldn’t escape his presence; he lurked around each corner I was about to turn. This was how I knew I had to leave. Her dad had been begging her for months to go and visit him. Well, now I would. Frantically, I began packing, I brought very little, what I didn’t bring I’d just buy when I got there. Besides, I had plenty of cash. Florida was a long way away from here. Change would be good. I needed this.

Her mother didn’t understand why I was leaving now, and hopefully never would have to. I was on my way outside when I saw him. Of course he’d be there. There was no escaping him. He’d always find me.

Blake saw her and ran to her smiling, “Krissy! Do you love me again?”

The words rang in my ears.

Krissy do you love me again?

Then, for lack of anything better to do, I screamed. At the world, at everyone really, but mostly him. “I hate you! You ruined everything! Leave me alone! I hate you, I hate you!” And I meant every word.

“Krissy!” he spoke anxiously.

“Go to hell” I knew it was dramatic, but I wanted him gone. Forever.

“I can do that.”

After that, everything moved in slow motion. He reached inside his coat for something. I didn’t care what it was and turned on him. A bullet pierced through the night. Gasping, I turned towards him again and covered my eyes when I saw what had just happened. He lay in a heap on the ground by my feet. Blood soaked his shirt, the ground, the grass, the sidewalk.

“No!” I yelled hysterically.

Blood on his shirt, the ground, the grass, the sidewalk.

And it was real. Blood everywhere.

Blake looked confused at me, his eyebrows drawn, “Didn’t you want me to?” then, his eyes closed for the very last time.

This didn’t happen in real life. Ex-boyfriends didn’t go crazy. They didn’t shoot themselves when you told them to go away. But it had just happened.

Then came all the other things that happened when a person was dead.

But the most important one, was the funeral.

Of course it had to be raining. Every depressing moment in history had crappy weather.

Blake’s parents hated me.

They didn’t want me to show up.

So, for that purpose I went.

I loved pissing people off, and it wasn’t like I did anything to them.

Fuck them. I didn’t care what they thought. I didn’t kill him. I wasn’t responsible. I had to keep telling myself these things. Than maybe one day I would start to believe it.

He had cheated, yes. But should I have listened to what he had to say?

Do you love me again Krissy?

Maybe I should’ve said yes. Maybe I should’ve let him love me again. Maybe I should’ve… But these were just words. I couldn’t do any of these things now.

It was too late. Everything was just a little too late. Apologies, and words left unsaid hung in the haunting air. I just wanted Blake back, if not to forgive him, than to beg him not to pull the trigger.

Do you love me again Krissy?

Even after he was dead, I still couldn’t escape him. He was always there, in my mind, pleading, asking, always desperate, always stupid. But wasn’t that why I had loved him? He had always spent too much money on me, and far too much time. He had asked me to call him whenever I was about to go somewhere, and whom I was going with. At the time, I had thought it was a sweet gesture, and that he cared what happened to me. Looking back, I finally realized, our relationship had been decidedly creepy and abnormal.

But it was in the past now. Now I just really had to leave. After the funeral, I went up to my mom, “I need to leave, Mom.”

My mom simply nodded and sighed, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I know it wasn’t your fault. I love you Krissy.”

I was ashamed to discover that I couldn’t bear to say I loved her back. Blake had let her down when I had loved him. So was this the punishment, not being able to love ever again? Even her own mother? Damn Blake.

I kissed my mother good-bye and headed home to pack. Than, I drove to the airport and left my old life behind.

It was all so simple. Things would be different now. I’d reinvent myself. My new name would be Shannon. I was 17. My dad just got promoted and was offered a job in Florida so I had just moved here. My birth mom was dead. This was my new life now.