HOW DO YOU KILL AN UMBRELLA?

The best way to kill an umbrella is to set it on fire.
You can rip it up into strips of canvas and wire, too.
Those are far to obvious, nonironic and nonpoetic.

You could stab it in to the ground,
Like a big black railroad spike.

You could let it go into a windstorm
And let it mingle with the straggling crows.

You could hold it so steadfast against the wind
Until it pops inside out
And after enough of that it’ll just give up
And stop opening
Like an aged snail
Refusing to leave her amber shell.