8

As I was having an unorthodox family moment with Phil, the doorbell rang and I automatically knew it was Mark-he always rings the doorbell in tune to Downtown, my favourite Peaches song.

“Well this has been a touching moment, but I’m gonna go get the door.” I say to Phil, he shoots me a small smile and walk back to his computer.

“Hey Mark, I look like shit, now that it’s established, come in,” I say as I open the door.

“Oh…I didn’t notice.”

I lead him into the living room and motion for him to take a seat. He sits down comfortably and I join him.

“So what brings you by, Mark?”

“I dunno, I was bored.”

“You sound like such a twelve year old saying that.”

“Oh well I mean…” he hesitated for a moment, thinking of vocabulary that I would deem interesting. “…I was feeling incarcerated...wait is that the right word?”

“Well, sure.”

“I was on YouTube and I was listening to Fuck the Pain Away, I like it, it’s a pretty good song.”

“And you didn’t get a stiffy from the obscene lyrics?” I ask imagining his penis (probably tiny) growing to four inches as he watched the video girl dancing in mock explicity. Immediately, I giggle as I think of Mark-this sweet and innocent little boy becoming corrupt from a Peaches video.

“No! I have self control,” he remarks in a defensive tone. I smile and raise my eyebrows playfully punching him on the shoulder. “Yeah, right, you’re a baby, you’re just starting out, you have absolutely zero self control.”

“Hey, I only jacked off once today!”

I burst out laughing in surprise at his bluntness and the serious tone that matched with it.

“Aww that is so cute!” I squeal, “was it your first time?” I ask teasing him.

His hazel eyes narrow and his dark eyebrows furrow, “Nooo! I’ve been doing it since I was eleven!”

“Eleven huh? You probably thought it was ice cream the first time didn’t you?” I say laughing uncontrollably.

Teasing Mark kills stress.

“No! I’m not a dumbass! I didn’t think it was ice cream…I thought I was like squirting milk or something, like how mothers get milk from their boobs…or something.”

I laugh even harder and pound my fists onto my thigh, “that’s sooo cute! Were you freaked out, did you tell anybody about it?”

“No way! That would have been really weird, hey father, I think I need operation because there’s fucking milk coming outta my dick.”

By now, there are tears streaming down my face and the side of my stomach is hurting. Mark looks at me in encouragement, fueled by my boisterous laughter.

“Then I heard these guys talking about it in school, during recess so naturally, I joined in right. But I didn’t wanna be the one to bring up the subject of milk so I just asked, ‘did anything…white come out when you, you know?’ then they all said yes and this guy, Peter asks, ‘yeah! What the hell is that? I think it’s like milk or something!’”

“Stop I can’t breathe!” I say breathlessly, “but continue!”

“Yeah so then someone asked ‘oh how do you know it’s milk, did you taste it?’ Then Peter shouts, ‘no way, I’m not gay!’ So we made a plan that on that night, we’d jack off again and taste it to see if it was milk.”

“So what happened?” I manage to gurgle out.

“It wasn’t milk.”

“Oh god Mark, I love you!” I say as I wipe away the tears on my cheeks. Oh shit. Did I just give him the wrong impression? He doesn’t seem to be too fazed by my comment; he’s just grinning like he was five seconds ago.

“Now you tell me about your first-“

“Hey, you horndog, let’s just watch TV okay?”

“Can it be Family Feud and their stupid answers? One time, I was watching it and the guy ask at what age, do you wish to stop growing old and the two final people said fifteen...how stupid is that? At least twenty-five would have been fine…”

I really do love Mark. He’s just so…young and innocent and he doesn’t care. He just is.

“Mark?”

“What?” he murmurs.

“Be glad that all you have to care about is what comes out of your dick.”

“Okay,” he replies.

And we relax on the couch and watch Family Feud.