Some days you just shouldn’t get out of bed. When I’m awakened by the most horrendous of nightmares, this becomes very much a true statement. All that I desire is for you to be here. To comfort me and tell me that it will all be okay, even when I know it won’t.

You can’t do that for me anymore.

The only feeling I can recognize is that of the keypad of a phone in my hand, and placing how it got there is a memory long gone. My fingers are numb and I can’t dial out to salvation.

Too bad…

All I wanted was to know that it would be okay. So I tell myself this now. “Everything is alright, it was just a nightmare.” But the sound of my own voice doesn’t quite have the same ring as his. It just sounds like a lie.

“Please, someone, save me because I can’t save myself.” There, that sounds more like the truth.

On my bedside table there’s a picture of you. My outreached hand pushes it over. “Sorry but I don’t want to see your face anymore. I never will.” The ability of thought complexes me right now, and I’m wondering why I haven’t already thrown up.

So now I vow myself this. To forgive and forget- I’ll forget your face and what you meant to me. I’ll forgive myself for having done so. ‘Til yesterday do us part and you’re no longer here. You are no where. All that remains is the empty shell of which you used to be and what you once could have been.

I dreamt of the worst day of my life.

There was a never-ending sea of black and it moved to engulf me. Amidst it all there remained a single red rose. This red rose seemed ever so strategically placed on the top of your casket. It wasn’t in a diagonal but completely parallel with where your face would have been.

If only you were here.

You could tell me that everything would be okay, because today is truly the worst day of my life. The ever fabled words sounded rough and foreign on my tongue. Rinse and repeat. But it never did any greater good. My ex-best friend has left me for good/dead.

If you were my best friend you wouldn’t be gone.

Some days you just shouldn’t get out of bed, but not even staying secluded there can keep me from the demons in my head.