Finally

“No, Kelsi, there wasn’t blood and gore everywhere—just a cut and concussion. All I have to remember the experience by is a few stitches,” I said leaving English with her and Jake the next morning—my expression artfully stoic considering how I’d been feeling last night.

“Let’s see,” Jake said eagerly—Kelsi may show her love of blood and guts more outwardly but they were both connoisseurs on the subject—and I lifted up the hood of my hair.

“Nice,” they both said in unison.

“I’ve, uh, got to make a stop at my car,” I said stopping in front of the path—no way was I going down that road, “See you.”

I pulled my front door open and tossed a Tylenol 3 into my hand. I slammed the door and turned my gaze immediately falling onto Benedict and Jackson, “Hey.”

“Chloe,” Jackson said in that calm voice of his, “He’s not here,” he said noticing my eyes were darting all around him.

“So, yeah we wanted to tell you that Derrick he…you can sit with us at lunch; it won’t be awkward.”

“That’s okay Jackson I was planning on visiting the library anyway; thanks for the invitation though,” I said trying to maneuver a way to step around both of them. It was oddly disconcerting the way they looked alike but opposite.

“He was lying, you know that right? I’ve never seen him so angry, he did care,” Benedict said catching my arm as I tried to step between them, “Chloe, stop.”

“Thanks for the update but he made his opinion clear to me last night and even if that isn’t how he actually feels that’s what he wanted me to think. I just can’t deal right now—what with my impending doom creeping up on me.”

“I just don’t see the big deal,” Jackson said pulling at his hair frustratingly, “You both messed up; get over it.”

“I apologized; did Derrick or did I just misunderstand him yesterday? I mean gosh what a night; I’m either becoming a vampire or dead and then he decides to treat me like shit. I have no sympathy, sorry. Later, guys, I’ve got to get to class.”

--

Okay so today was such a mind fuck.

Ignoring Ethan’s continuous apologizing made me want to stab him in neck. He actually wrote sorry forty three times on my assignment notebook before I drove a sharp point of lead into his palm. He even offered to talk to Derrick—I’m not sure where that would get me or Ethan or Derrick so I politely, well not exactly, declined.

People stared at me too. A lot, it was weird. I guess being the girl who declined making out with Ethan for a boy who is currently ignoring her makes them somewhat of a celebrity. And I was more the infamous rather than famous type—why do these situations follow me everywhere?

And my classes after lunch—one word: AWKWARD. My gosh, Derrick and I didn’t speak once. He’d turn to me and open his mouth but then he’d snap it right back closed and mumble incoherently.

In Seminar, I couldn’t take it. The first fifteen minutes of class my gaze kept traveling to Derrick and Ethan who weren’t talking at all. Ethan apologized to him and Derrick just nodded. What did he take a vow of silence last night?

I left for the library soon after that in a flurry of black hair and—I tend to dress with my moods—black and rich deep blue clothes. The ending bell rung and I finally let out all of my breath. The day was over; the week was over or at least the week dealing with these people.

Except it wasn’t; Derrick was leaning on the wall outside of the library scowling and obviously waiting for me. I tried to walk by with my head down and be invisible—which you’d think would be easy considering I’m tiny pale and in dark clothing—but he found me anyway, “Chloe.”

And I’d like to say I was immune to hearing his voice calling my name but my stomach did a tiny twirl and I turned to him and said in an apprehensive shaking voice, “Yes, Derrick?”

“We, uh we need to talk about some things,” he said stepping forwards and started to walk.

“Could you walk just a bit slower; I know it may be a struggle for you but my legs are like a foot shorter than yours. I’m having a little trouble keeping up,” I piped up skipping beside him.

“Oh,” he looked down at me, “Sorry about that.”

“Will you give me a ride home,” he asked abruptly as soon as we got to my car.

“Why,” I said thankful that I wore my hair down today. It could easily hide half of my face. I hated how, as angry as I was at him, he still made me blush when our eyes met. He kept pushing his long chocolate hair away from his eyes but bits of it made their way back.

“Ben drove today and is now pulling off,” he said monotone.

“Oh, well I dunno,” I said turning away to dig through my purse for the keys, “I mean, the thing is, last time I got into a car with you it wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience.”

“I’m sorry,” he said trying to meet my eyes but I couldn’t, “I’ll explain to you if we go now.”

He started talking abruptly when we were on the main highway leading away from the school, “I was really angry okay. I was jealous too but it was more than that and jealously was a big part of it. It’s just I couldn’t understand why you’d put yourself through that again—with Ethan’s type—like you wanted to be hurt.”

“I don’t get it,” I said glancing at Derrick who was staring out the window.

“You told me what your ex-boyfriend did to you and Ethan’s just like that. He might actually try to care but his attention span’s not that long. I really thought you didn’t like him; I thought that you could see through his bullshit. I don’t want to see you hurt but it was like you put yourself in that position. Like you didn’t care.”

“Derrick, I think you misunderstood. I only picked…used Ethan because I saw how you reacted to him. Yeah it was childish and mean but you seemed angry with him when he sat by us on Tuesday and I used that. I really thought you were lying to me when I first met your mother and I was pissed because you made me believe you cared. It was only to make you jealous not because I like Ethan.”

“And yesterday when you said you didn’t care,” I stopped drawing in a shaky breath, “It was like twisting the rusty dagger. I was so angry.”

“I’m sorry; I just said that because I didn’t want to care and I thought that if I said it I would—a self fulfilling prophesy,” Derrick said and I could see a faint tinge of pink on his cheeks. He turned to me again after I parked in his driveway, “I am really, very sorry.”

“It’s okay we both messed up,” I said and froze as he reached up to my face and pushed back my hair. All the sudden this truck was too spacious. I leaned into Derrick to gage his reaction; although hesitant he reached toward me more and after some maneuvering over my purse steering wheel. My mouth met his and god, all I could think was finally.

My hand found its way behind his neck and through his wavy hair. And I was pulling him closer to me, my fingers digging into his chest. Derrick’s mouth moved with just as much expertise as Ethan’s but his movements were more erratic and shaky. I felt his hand tremble as it got tangled within my hair.

“Chlo,” he gasped out and I sat back mashing my bruised lips together.

“You always blush,” he said brushing his thumb across my cheek.

“Only around you,” I muttered looking down and then up into his swirling chocolate eyes, “Derrick…”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t like Ethan; I like you—though that may seem obvious now—I do, really do,” I said pulling a hand through my now messy make-out hair.

“Yeah, me too and don’t worry I believe you,” he said chuckling.

“How can you tell?”

“Well, you seem happier than you did after Ethan kissed you, less embarrassed but the feeling is still just as potent. But you’re embarrassed a lot, so…”

“Oh,” I said nibbling on my bottom lip.

--

I had to wake up at the crack of dawn the next day to drive all the way to Portland for my first therapy session with Dr. Forsyth. Seemed like a waste to me anyway. I’d talked plenty about my life so far and I don’t see any changes rolling in; although I did wonder which approach she’d take.

Maybe she’d go with Humanistic—self actualization and all that junk; or maybe she’d be a neo-Freudian—that could be classic figuring out what went wrong during my childhood. I couldn’t complain though—I had nannies and au pairs but I always saw my parents and got whatever I wanted. Oh, no my problems didn’t stem from that relationship.

Becoming self-actualized could be fun—I’d have to pass over the other stages, i.e. love and acceptance—but I’d give it a try. Maybe we’d do some free association, which was basically just talk, so I could talk about Derrick. Those thoughts—now they were dizzying, more than most of my others.

I got directions last night offline and got there about fifteen minutes till nine—when my session was. Funny thing about psychology offices—they’re all somewhat the same. They’ve all got a neutral but somewhat bright color scheme like mint green (this office) or sea foam green (back in Chicago).

“Ms. Gunn,” the ash blonde receptionist called to me, “You can go on in.”

“O-kay,” I said and pushed open the sandalwood doors to reveal my newest therapist. She had a smoothly coifed chestnut bob—I had some suspicions whether it was natural considering the lines around her mouth—and bright grey eyes behind her glasses. She was really pretty with high aristocratic features.

“Chloe, hello, please sit,” she said gesturing toward to seat across from her and—thankfully—not the couch. It was way too early to start picking my brain.

“Hi,” I said quietly pushing my hair behind my ears, “Dr. Forsyth.”

“So Chloe, I really don’t like to—and my younger clients usually agree—have a whole session on introductions. Seems like a waste to me. Your mother has told me a lot of background information about your situation. Today I just want to talk about how you’re adjusting to a new town.”

“It’s okay,” I said flatly, “Just the same as usual.”

“So you’ve moved around and changed schools a lot.”

“Yeah, it’s just how my Mother likes it. She gets restless living in a place for too long.”

“You meet lots of people moving around—friends?”

“Yep, I don’t have a problem making friends. But look, I don’t want to talk about Brayden yet…there’s just too much going on right now for me to allow myself to think of that.”

“Alright,” she said raising her eyebrows and noting something on her pad.

“Yeah, I know resistance when faced with talking about best friend’s death,” I said frowning, “I think that’s in all of my psychologists notes—I’ve sure of it.”

“So let’s talk about the new school then,” she said expertly dodging my statement.

“Sure,” I said smirking, “I’ve got a few new friends.”

“Girls? Boys,” she asked. Odd question—but it hit the nail on the head.

“Well, I guess mostly boys; girls are too much drama, too catty,” I said nonchalantly.

“You’ve had troubles with female friends in the past,” she rephrased.

“Yeah, my best friend, or what I thought was a best friend, in fact,” I said tapping my fingers onto the armrest.

“So your best friend—in your opinion—betrayed your trust,” she said while writing furiously on her paper.

“Yeah, she slept with my boyfriend and then proceeded to turn the whole school against me,” I said watching her reaction, “We moved a bit after that fiasco.”

“Was this before or after your suicide attempt?”

“Wow, you are blunt—I like it though, cutting right to the chase. This was before my suicide attempt and afterwards we moved,” I said stating the facts.

“You were devastated that she did this to you?”

“Well, no you’re assuming. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, really. She just made me think what’s the point, ya know? I thought Ace—my ex-boyfriend—was perfect and Aimee, she well, disillusioned me.”

“So you blame Ace, not Aimee?”

“No I blame Aimee. It’s like, say I give a recovering alcoholic—I know it’s a far stretch but hey—some tequila and parade it in front of them all the time they’re going to give in. It’s just what’ll happen. Aimee paraded herself around Ace and he gave in.”

“But it did make you sad enough to try and end your life,” she said looking at me with those oddly bright green eyes.

“Yeah, I guess so. I couldn’t keep Ace or Aimee and I had no one else,” I said softly.

“So, you blame yourself for Ace’s low self control.”

“Yeah, I mean I wouldn’t put out and Aimee did; maybe if I had I wouldn’t be here but, yeah.”

“So you’re saying that just because a girl doesn’t want to have sex with her boyfriend that gives him license to cheat on her?”

“NO,” I said loudly—she was starting to piss me off, twisting my words, “I’m saying that’s how it was for Ace and I.”

“You include yourself, like you’re the reason for Ace’s problem with self control.”

I opened my mouth and closed it twice and glanced at the clock behind her head, “It’s ten minutes to ten.”

“Yes well ten minutes is ten minutes,” she said sighing.

“Let’s talk about something else,” I said.

“Your new friends, at school how are they?”

“Well, they’re good. Like, Kelsi and Jake—they’re funny and totally in love with each other. Some are more complicated. Like, Ethan—he reminds me of Ace—and he’s in a way pursuing me…romantically.”

“How do you feel about Ethan?”

“I learned my lesson with Ace.”

“You know—now all popular guys cheat on their girlfriends.”

“Yeah, that’s what Ethan said but he says he hasn’t really done girlfriends in the past. He just sleeps with half the girls at school—the decent ones.”

“So you won’t let Ethan get closer to you because he…is like Ace?”

“No, not really in truth I’d probably give in if it weren’t for someone else.”

“Who’s he,” she asked pulling off her Gucci glasses.

“Derrick, I really like him—I don’t know though. We’ve had a couple minor dramas already. But we’re going to Ethan’s party tonight, so I’ll see how that goes.”

“What do you like about Derrick?”

“He’s different than anyone I know; quiet and brooding but it’s something else too. I—he’s really sweet. He was one of the only people I’ve been able to tell everything. He cares or at least I think so—hope so. I’m just…”

“Afraid,” she prompted.

“I…yeah, you could say that,” I said pulling my phone out of my bag, “It’s five minutes past.”

“Next week,” she called as I pushed the door back open and let out all of the breath I’d been holding in, in the past hour.

--

“Derrick,” I said as her answered the phone. It was almost nine o’clock and I was just pulling up to his house. I shopped the rest of the day in downtown Portland and stopped at my house to change before coming here.

“Yes,” he said and I could hear tinges of his accent.

“It’s Chloe,” I said nervous all over again.

“I know that,” he said and in the pause I knew he was laughing at me, “Are you here?”

“Yeah, outside,” I said applying a slick of lip-gloss and fluffing out my flat hair.

“Are you sure you want to go? We can…I don’t know figure something else to do.”

“No, I like parties,” I said sort of happy that this was a situation I was the expert in—Derrick’s never been to one of Ethan’s parties, “Are you sure you can handle it though?”

“Of course,” he said, “I’m coming out.”

He was climbing into my truck seconds later, hair disheveled and smelling like he’d just showered, “You smell clean.”

“Yeah, I just got back from running,” he said smoothing his hair—he was just as nervous as me.

“You’ve got to direct,” I said backing out of his driveway.

“Sure,” he said.

We had to park way back away from the actual house—it was huge just as he said—and Derrick grabbed my hand while we were walking toward the house.

He entered first pulling me along and I watched girls’, in the crowded house, faces rise and fall as they noticed Derrick was actually there and that I was with him. I watched as many girls turned to their friends next to them and start whispering.

I was on cloud nine soon—I wouldn’t let their cattiness bother me tonight. I was at the most exclusive party with the most gorgeous boy and My favorite Chevelle song started playing just as we stepped in the door. The party was just as I suspected; obviously the usual mix of sex, drugs, rock & roll, and the dreaded high school students. There’d surely be some drama tonight.

I was first accosted by two people I didn’t expect to see and both were already drunk by the looks and smell of it, “Chloe, CHLOE,” Kelsi said snapping me back into reality. I was still gripping Derrick’s hand tightly but I was watching, appalled at some girls drunken stripping routine; I resisted the urge to cover Derrick’s eyes.

“Hey, Kelsi where’s your lover,” I said almost slapping a hand over my mouth; it was like secondhand drunkenness from being in this place.

“Oh, Jakie’s getting me a drink,” she said slightly reeling. I could smell the tequila coming from her breath already, “So, you’ll neveeer guess. Me and Jake had a date last night and we, get this, DATING now!”

“That’s great Kelsi, you slow down on those drinks though okay,” I said watching her divert her gaze to Jake who was approaching from our left.

I turned to Derrick, our chests dangerously close because of the cramped confines of this gathering, “Can we dance,” I said recognizing the first chords Muse’s The Groove, “I love this song.”

I grabbed and downed a drink while he just looked down at me uneasily, “Come on,” I pulled him to the middle of the basement where bodies were packed together grinding to the seductive sound of Bellamy’s falsetto.

Our bodies were right in time to the beat, interacting perfectly with each other. He snaked his arms around my back; one resting on my exposed hip bones and another on my lower back. I watched him through heavily lidded eyes, never breaking his gaze, except for a couple turns. I bit my lip in bliss as his hands worked their way up my body.

For someone who’d never dated a girl seriously he sure knew how to touch a girl. Maybe practice doesn’t make perfect; only perfect does (and he sure has a healthy dose of that).

I absent mindedly mouthed the lyrics to the song as it intertwined with another one of my favorite Muse songs, Hysteria. Thank goodness he couldn’t read minds because I couldn’t help but feel the words, lord knows, “I want it now, I want it now”. And him and it were definitely interchangeable.

“Let’s take a break,” Derrick said leaning down to whisper in my ear after our fifth song. I sat next to Kelsi who was currently making out with her new man, quite vigorously I might add, and lifted my hair off my neck because it was starting to stick.

Thankfully there was still a half filled keg next to us, “You want,” I asked getting a drink for myself.

“Designated driver, Chloe,” he said smiling half-heartedly. I knew he didn’t like the drinking for some odd reason; he was just so nice.

I skipped the beer and got a plastic cup filled with juice or what looked like juice. From the smell of it I knew it contained some hard liquor, much harder than the keg held. I settled into the crook of his neck while downing my drink.

I looked up at him after a couple minutes; I stared, though unusual, at his mouth instead of his eyes. He leaned down placing a very chaste, in comparison to what I wanted, kiss on my lips.

“Derrick,” I whined biting my lip.

“Wha—,” he started but I shut him up with a kiss; I trailed my mouth across his lower lip. He let out a gasp in surprised as I bit his lip, deepening the kiss. After a few moments I was practically in his lap.

A/N: it took me forevers to write this chapter--I spent a lot of time on it. PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK