You were the first one of the friends she brought home that liked me better.
It was just flattering, I guess.

--

You complained when we wouldn’t let you smoke and you were probably high half the time, but honestly? I couldn’t care less.

--

I’ve never known anyone like you, and maybe that’s the only reason I like him –
He reminds me of you.

--

I looked forwards to weekends because that’s when we’d be together again. Not just you and me, all of us; that moment something would click—
Hanging out in front of her house until we could hardly see, even with the streetlights,
then my brother would leave when the teenagers went inside to complete the tradition with a movie.

--

The first time, she left the room, and when you heard footsteps on the stairs coming back you jumped on top of me as a joke.
I panicked
but I couldn’t get the side of your face out of my head.

--

The next time, it was my turn to suggest we trick her. Except this time I was ready for it, and somehow your lips found my lips and it was awkward and rushed and we laughed about it.
It was only a joke, after all.

--

Then the next week, you were late because you stopped at Safeway and bought a four dollar Stephen Seagal flick. Then you told me you chose it because it didn’t matter whether we paid attention or not.

I don’t know what happened after that, but I didn’t really mind missing the part where his leg gets blown off by a shotgun.

--

Together, we came alive on the couch in her basement while we watched cheap movies. The good thing about the dark is that you can pretend to be (with) someone you’re not.

--

We sat out on the lawn and tried to remember how to play beavertails.
He thought it was stupid,
You just flopped onto the grass with us until it ended in a tickle fight.

--

The days spent with you were the highlights of my week,
And I’m maybe a moment on your highlight reel.
But if I went back to school looking like I was finally in bloom
Then I guess you were the reason why.

--

You were different. You were the only one of her friends that I actually liked.
The new guys are jerks.

--

Here’s the truth.
I didn’t love you, you didn’t love me,
And a month later we had both fallen for other people.

--

Today on the bus we studied cut out magazine articles about kissing
And my mind kept going back to last spring break and my first kiss.
Well, if anyone needs a redo, it’s me.
I know, it’s stupid, it’s childish, it’s naïve,
and first kisses don't mean anything.
But at least I would have liked it to be someone
Who had stolen my heart along with my lips.

--

I saw you for the last time in December.
You told me I’d grown a lot; I told you I didn’t think you’d grown at all.
You smiled and said that’s okay, because I had 2 years of catching up to do, anyway.
But someday I’m going to be grown up,
And you’re still going to be sixteen, phoning to ask directions from Shaganappi.

--

a/n: I just realized that I’ve deleted / never posted almost everything I wrote about him. It’s been a year now, so I put together all the little bits that have been sitting in last year’s notebook.