I'm having a hard time in life, and I just thought it would help if I wrote it out.

And to the boy who thought I love him:

I don’t care about you anymore. I don’t want to find out you have a girlfriend because you said that is the reason why you wouldn’t go out with me. I rather you tell me that you have a girlfriend straight out.

I don’t know if it is because you didn’t want to hurt me, but I really don’t care anymore.

Don’t try to talk to me at school. I don’t know if I can take it.

Surprisingly, I haven’t cried because of what happened yesterday yet.

It feels as if I’ve become… numb, immune to pain. And… I feel like I’m bottling up my emotions… I don’t know if that’s a good thing though.

Sighing, I clicked the backspace key and held it.

And to the boy who broke my heart:

Did you know that your best friend told me you like me? But… I had to find out that you had a girlfriend because that’s a reason why you can’t go out with me?

Are you playing around with my feelings? Is it that fun? I don’t think so.

I’ve even heard from my friend that I’m not the first to have this happen to me.

Why?

Nope, that’s no good. How should I tell him… that I don’t want to be his friend. It’s painful…

I dread tomorrow. The day school starts again after our one-week break. How am I supposed to face him? Sure, I told my friends that I will somehow get my revenge – one: ignore him, two: let him coincidently know that this cute guy at a karaoke lounge asked me for my phone number, three: get a new boyfriend.

But, I don’t know if I can do that. It’s going to hurt me, and I know that for sure. I’ve been telling all my friends that I’m fine. But, the truth is, I’m not. How can I be fine? For my friends, I have to be happy, and I know I’m not truly happy, but at the least, I’ll have to pretend. How much longer will that have to last?

My friends hate him for breaking my heart. How can they not when they see me, so pathetic, so breakable? It’s because of him that I cried so much, even at school. He’s the one who made me so unhappy.

Does it matter to him though? He calls me a friend, but am I? If I was his friend, he would at least tell me that he has a girlfriend. How can all this pain disappear? How can I forget? Suicide won’t solve the problem; no… it won’t, because he wouldn’t care at all.

Hmm… how about this…

To that boy who thought he had her heart:

Fly

Alone, here again

Can’t believe what I found out

Why have you been so nice to me?

I want to be free

Free from this curse

You had cast upon me

This stupid curse

Made me live for you

Made me love you

Fly away

Fly away to the sky

How I wish I could fly

Let these wings

Carry me to a place

Where happiness can be found

You, should leave ma alone

I don’t need you

To be happy

I will be free

Free to fly with my wings

To the place where happiness begins

Don’t need you here

Get out of my life

I will continue to live

I know I can fly

Close my eyes, spread my wings

And I will be free

I laugh bitterly, and still, no tears fall from my eyes.

Author’s Note:

To Mr. D: I will be free, and I know that. Just wait and watch. I can be happy without you.