I was standing at the second level at the mall. I was staring down at the ground floor waiting for him and his family. It was just a few days before my birthday. I would be turning thirteen, and we were celebrating. By heart was fluttering in my chest in anticipation. When the mall doors opened, and I saw him walk in my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t even need to see his face to know it was him. I knew the way he walked. I guessed he’d gotten about that much taller in the time we were away. And I knew only he could make that stupid, plan red T-shirt look attractive. I pointed them out to my mother and sister and we waited for them to arrive at the top of the elevator. I smiled and tried to pretend everything was normal as usual. I tried to pretend that he was just another friend-that’s-a-guy. I’m not afraid to admit that I am a good actress. But the fluttering in my chest made my features go soft. My normally cocky attitude eased into a gentle blissful nature. The movie was good, but not as good as the look we gave each other at the end. We didn’t need words to speak. We knew what the other was thinking, and only one of us had to say it. That movie was weird. I loved his laugh. I loved his forgetfulness, as he almost left twenty-seven dollars in cash on the seat of his chair. But what I loved most was that strange smile that blessed his lips, and that strange sparkle in his strangely soft eyes. I wasn’t in control. I was so nervous that I would ruin everything. What happened if I interpreted things wrong? I nearly jumped away from him when I accidentally laid my head on his shoulder to laugh. The butterfly-like feeling in my stomach riled up when my mother asked me to draw him. I still remember the awkwardness I felt when we were the only ones left in the hall when the others went to use the bathroom. But his eyes said the things I feared saying. We didn’t need words. We didn’t need languages. That look he gave me when he looked at me said everything that I used to not understand. It said everything grown women search for but cannot find. It told me all I needed to know. So why can’t I say it? Why can’t I put it into words? Why can’t I form the English I learned at an early age? Why couldn’t I say “I love you”?

This is for my friende Kitten again (see "A Kitten's love" to know what I mean) I hope she likes it.