The wind blows carelessly

Not taking into account the annoyance

That it creates

On every one passing through it

My short hair, which isn't long enough to put up

Falls into my eyes and covers my face

Making me feel like a modern-day

Cousin It.

Roughly brushing the hair from my eyes

I turn away from the direction of the wind

Cigarette resting between my lips

Bic lighter in hand

I attempt to betray the laws of nature

In lighting the end of my cigarette.

Once...twice...half a dozen times

All attempts fail.

The metal wheel that strikes the spark

Bites harshly into my skin

Yet I'm determined.

I loose count of how many tries

But I finally-- FINALLY-- get it right.

As I inhale, the minted tobacco and nicotine

Snakes down into my lungs

And once again coats my veins

The familiar taste reminds me of past days;

Reminds me of you.

Reminds me of the joys we used to have

Smoking cigarettes on the porch

3 AM in twenty degree weather

Chilled to the bone, yet needing our fix

Those moments we shared

Of dreams and lost lives and friendship

I smile softly at those memories

Both nostalgic and saddening

I know none of these moments

Will repeat themselves.

I lift the cigarette back to my lips

Inhale deeply once again

A single tear escapes me

Sliding down my heated cheek

I can always blame the tear on the wind chill

But I know the truth behind the act.

The cigarette I smoke

Reminds me that you still have control.

As weakened as it's become

You still have a small hold over me--

One I'm still not ready to give up

Just like the cigarette

I know you are bad for me

But a small part of me--

Every once in a while--

Drives me to madness until I surrender

It's only when I can give up the cigarette

That you'll no longer have control over me.