[When My Baby Got Back From the Wilds of Tibet

I drove all the way to the airport to pick her up and said baby
hey baby what’d you bring back for me gimme a kiss
and she put this little shriveled thing around my neck and I thought
it was some sorta crazy Zen relic but she said it was her
left thumb since she knew I’d always liked it. I wore it
for a couple weeks until I left it somewhere I dunno where and
her cat ate it. Which was good cause I never really liked
that particular thumb anyway

so she said she could give me her toes instead and I said
sure honey I can keep them in my pocket and don’t worry
about walking sort of funny we can just say
it’s from your high heels, but why don’t you
give me one of your feet to put them on ‘cause
they’re all unattached and I think I’d lose them too

and the very next day she started bitchin’ at me about
maybe can I carry her to the bathroom and out to the car
‘cause she can’t exactly walk and I said baby
I ain’t no muscleman but maybe just maybe
if I had some extra arms I could carry you forever
or until I get tired come on baby it’s not like
you gotta use those arms to hold onto me I promise
I won’t drop you baby you can count on me

then she asked if I could feed her every day which is cute
during sex, with strawberries, like we used to do
but I just get bored when it’s three meals a day
and we had to compromise. I said how about just one
and baby, don’t complain, it’ll be good for you
didn’t you say you were gonna go on a diet anyway?
‘cause your ass is getting way too heavy to carry

and of course she gets mad and then I say baby, don’t be that way,
let me have your lips. That way I can kiss them
when I’m at work or just you know, out with the guys,
‘cause I love you so much I can’t stand to be away
don’t yell, baby, see how much I love you
and she nodded and she said “aww daddy that’s okay

just let me have something from you too daddy
how about just one lock of your hair so I can
touch it and cuddle it and kiss it while you’re away”

and well you know my hair’s just about the best thing I got
I mean nothing else gets the ladies like it
so I said baby

you know a relationship’s got to be give and take
and ever since you got back from Tibet I don’t know what happened
but baby you have just not been the same
so I’m gonna go out baby just for a little while
just need my space but I promise I promise
I’ll be back in a while
or whenever you figure
everything’s okay.