Part 3

“Kriszta, are you driving?” My father’s voice asked through the speaker of my cell phone. Why would he care if I was driving?

“Yes--?”

“Pull over.” He sounded strange. I could tell his voice was about to crack. My heart immediately began to beat at a faster pace, what was going on?

“What? Why?” I asked as I began to find a good place to pull over. There was a shoulder on the highway, but it was only for emergencies.

“Just pull over.” He ordered. This time he had more force behind his voice; I could tell he was being serious.

I finally found a safe place to pull over. My hand forced the lever next to me into park and I pushed the button to start my flashers. “Ok, I’m on the side of the road. What’s going on?” I was really starting to worry. What could possibly be so bad that he would need me to pullover?

I heard my father take in a shaky breath. “Your mother is in the hospital.” I could tell he was trying to keep his composure for my sake. He was trying not to freak me out…but it wasn’t working. I felt like I was slowly losing control of my body as it began to shake without my consent.

“Why? What happened?”

“Just come to the hospital. I don’t know what happened she just collapsed suddenly.” I let out a sudden sob. “It doesn’t look good.” My father whispered almost inaudibly. I felt my heart tighten in my chest and tears started falling down my cheeks. My lungs desperately needed air, but I couldn’t remember how to breathe.

“I’ll be right there.” I don’t know if my father said anything to me after that because I closed my phone. In a matter of seconds, I threw my car into drive and sped off in the direction of the hospital.

My drive to the hospital was a blur. I parked my car in the first spot I saw and pulled the keys out of the ignition. I don’t think I even locked my doors. My legs carried me as fast as they could into the hospital and I went to the ER waiting room where I knew my father would be. He was sitting in a chair with blue cushions. His head was in his hands and I could tell that he was crying by the slight shake in his shoulders. He looked so alone even though there were countless people in the waiting room.

“Daddy?” I whispered as I crouched down in front of him. I knew from the moment that my eyes connected with his that my mom had left us. His eyes looked so vacant, like all the life inside of him had died when his wife did.

“She’s--” He couldn’t even speak.

I leaned forward and grabbed onto him for dear life. Dry sobs fell out of my lips as I tried desperately to stay strong for my father.

All I wanted at that very moment was for my mom to hold me…I needed her comforting arms wrapped tightly around my small frame. I needed my mom.

I woke up with wet cheeks and a pounding heart for the fourth morning in a row. Sleep wasn’t a safe place for me anymore. Nighttime haunted me with dreams of that day. I grabbed my cell phone to look at the time…7:30 AM. I quickly got up and started walking toward the bathroom to compose myself as I did every time I woke up from those dreams. I stepped into the tiny bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. My blue eyes were puffy and my pale cheeks were red. My blonde hair was in a messy bun on top of my head. I turned on the cold water and splashed it over my face a few times to tame my red cheeks.

We’d been on tour for almost a month now and I was finally starting to really get the feel of things. The bus wasn’t moving so I assumed that we’d reached our destination of Canton, Ohio for the fifth show. Hannah, the brother’s younger sister, joined about a week ago and it was amazing to have another girl living with us. She was just as genuine and polite as the boys were. Their parents had done an amazing job raising them.

I walked out of the bathroom and sauntered slowly into the kitchen. The memory of that day was still clouding my mind. When I reached the kitchen, I wasn’t surprised to see Luke reading a newspaper at the table. In the past month on tour, I’d learned a lot about the Emery brothers. Luke was an early riser and couldn’t function without the daily newspaper and at least two cups of coffee in the morning. Austin was usually second to get up but wouldn’t be able to form words for at least an hour. Cody rolled out of bed the last day after day, but he was always in the best mood.

“You’re up early.” Luke spoke with a soft smile on his face. His eyes studied my face for an instant and his smile faltered slightly at the sight of my tear stained face. “You okay?”

Luke and I had formed a really unique relationship in the past month. Each of the brothers had totally different personalities. Luke was genuine, caring, and dedicated. He constantly made me feel beautiful and amazing with his never-ending charm. Austin had become like an older brother to me, probably because he reminded me so much of Sebastian. He was really hard on me but when things really mattered, he was there to help. I could tell that he truly cared about me. Cody brought out the playful side in me. We fought endlessly about the stupidest things. Cody would usually end up threatening to start a wrestling match in the middle of the tour bus when he knew that I was right and he was wrong—which was most of the time. He made me laugh, and laughing was the best cure for my heartache.

“Bad dream.” I admitted as I sat down in the chair across from him.

It was getting harder and harder to lie to Luke. The kitchen table was where Luke and I liked to talk, mostly because it was where we got the most privacy. We would get into the deepest conversations about the most random topics. But every so often, the conversation would turn and he would start asking me about my family. Whenever that topic came up, I couldn’t help but try and get as far away from him as possible. I would always make up stupid excuses for why I had to flee the kitchen. The less I had to talk about my family, the better.

“I’m sorry.” He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. “Want to talk about it?” He asked with hope in his voice.

“I don’t really remember it.” Liar. “Just that it wasn’t good.” He looked disappointed but didn’t push the topic.

“We need to go grocery shopping.” He announced after a few moments filled with silence. I grabbed the coffee pot and poured myself a cup. Luke scrunched up his face in disgust. “I don’t know how you drink it black.”

I shrugged and then spoke as I sat back down. “Tastes good. And I can go to the store if you want.” I grabbed a section of the newspaper that Luke wasn’t reading and turned to the weather.

“We can all go. Sort of like a field trip.” He suggested with an innocent smile and I laughed.

“I can’t imagine that going well.” I said as I stared at the weather forecast for Canton, Ohio.

“Why not? It’ll be fun.” Luke said before peeking over my paper to see what I was reading. “Interesting weather?” He asked jokingly.

Suddenly I heard things coming out of my mouth that I really hadn’t planned on saying. “I was going to be a weather girl.” Luke eyed me with interest after the words fell out of my mouth. He barely ever got to hear me talk about anything from my past. “Ever since I was like 4 years old, I had this crazy idea that I wanted to be the weather girl on the local TV channel. It was my dream. My degree is in Communications and I got a minor in Meteorology. I got the first job I applied for.”

“So how in the world did you end up here?” He didn’t ask it rudely, I think he was simply interested in how a person could go from being a weather girl to being a personal assistant.

“Things change.” I replied softly. I took a long sip of my coffee to try and control my emotions. “What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t here?” It was my desperate attempt to try and get the conversation to go in a different direction.

He shrugged. “It’s always been music and it always will be music. I’d be so lost without it.”

“How can you be so sure that what you’re doing is what you’re supposed to be doing? I mean I used to be one-hundred percent certain that I wanted to be a weather girl, but now I feel like I was wrong for the first sixteen years of my life.” I took another long sip of coffee.

“Maybe it isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing. But nothing’s come in my way yet, so why would I stop? And you weren’t wrong about anything. As you said, sometimes things change and you just have to trust life to take you in the right direction.”

“How can you let your life be so out of your control? How can you just trust something to take you where you’re supposed to go?” I said, desperately trying to get my words out so that he’d understand what I was trying to say. But I’m not sure Ieven knew what I was trying to get at, so then how could I make him understand?

I think that maybe I was trying to make sense of my sudden change in how I viewed my life. I knew that what I was doing felt right, but when I really thought about it, I couldn’t help but think that I was making a huge mistake. What if I was supposed to be at home with my dad, forecasting weather on the daily news? I’d never once trusted my instinct and now my entire life revolved around one rash decision.

“Are you asking if I believe in fate?” He asked after a long pause. I nodded, maybe that’s what I was asking. “I believe that things happen for a reason but that you also have to work hard to achieve them. You can’t trust fate to take care of everything…but I think it’s always there giving us a little shove in the right direction.”

I stared at him after he spoke. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I fought them back as hard as I could, but I felt one escape from my left eye and slide down my cheek. I didn’t even know why I was crying. Maybe holding back tears about my mother for the past month had been building up…or maybe it was because what Luke had just said gave me hope that I wasn’t making a huge irreversible mistake.

My heart was also aching for my friends and family that I had essentially cut off from my life. His eyes suddenly became full of concern--I hated that I made him worry for me. He gently took one of my hands into his for the first time. His thumb began moving over my skin in a soothing way. “What’s wrong?” He whispered desperately.

I took in a shaky breath. “Nothing.” Since when did I become such a liar?

“Why can’t you just tell me? What did I do to make you not trust me?” He was hurt. I was hurting the most amazing person I’d ever met.

“Nothing. Luke, you’ve been nothing but amazing.” I spoke softly, fearing that I would break down if I spoke any louder. His slender fingers were still intertwined with mine; the gentle caresses were bound to send me into cardiac arrest.

“Then why won’t you talk to me?”

I sighed in response--I had no answer. I just stared at him hopelessly.

Hannah came into the kitchen at that moment and saved me from Luke. He snatched his hand away from mine and started fiddling with his coffee cup like his mother had just caught him making out with a girl in the basement when he was fifteen.

“Morning.” Hannah said cheerfully as she grabbed a bowl and the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch that was sitting on the small counter.

“Good Morning.” I said brightly. “Want to go to the grocery store with me later?”

“Hey! I thought we were all going go!” Luke exclaimed. I smiled at him, pretending like nothing had happened just a few moments ago.

“No, you thought we would all go. I think Hannah and I should go. You guys should get settled into the hotel and rest before the show.” We were staying in Canton for the next three nights, so I booked a few rooms in a hotel so that we could have some room to stretch out and relax.

Luke grumbled. “Fine, but I’m going to be in a bad mood all day if you don’t bring me back some chocolate.” Another thing I’d learned about Luke in the past month was that he was obsessed with chocolate. It was his happy food, his sad food, his angry food, his everything food.

“I’ll get extra.” I assured him with a smile. Hannah laughed as she took a seat next to me.

“Sleep well?” She asked me. Small talk was what Hannah did that best. There was never silence when you talked to her, she could keep a conversation going in any situation.

“Very.” I said as I glanced at Luke--I was lying to Hannah now too, and the worst part was that Luke knew it. “You?”

“I sleep surprisingly well on this bus. Maybe its cause I’ve done it for almost my whole life.” She laughed.

Hannah was a beautiful girl with dark eyes and long dirty blonde hair. She resembled Cody the most out of the brothers, but she had Luke’s caring personality.

“I can’t wait to sleep in the hotel tonight. I can’t remember what it feels like actually have space to move around in my bed.” I said.

“So, what time did you want to go to the store?” She asked before placing a spoon full of cereal in her mouth.

“Soon. I need to come back and move all my stuff into the hotel and then make sure everything’s ready for the show tonight.”

“Well let me go change then.” She got up and walked back to her bunk, abandoning her half eaten bowl of cereal. Luke and I were alone again…his eyes were almost burning holes right through me.

“Can we talk later?” He asked with a serious tone.

“I’m going to be really busy today.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow.” I nodded in agreement before getting up and going back to my bunk so that I could change into more presentable clothing.

After an amazing show, we all went to bed early because the boys had to be at a radio station by 7:00 the next morning. I bribed Hannah into waking Cody by telling her that I’d take her out to dinner wherever she wanted. Last time I had to wake Cody up before 8 AM, he almost ripped my head off my body. So I was extremely thankful that Hannah took up my offer.

After the morning interview, they made an appearance at a local mall. We stayed for an extra hour so that the boys could sign autographs for hundreds of fans. The boys all put on such brave faces while they made their way into the mob of screaming teenagers. Hannah and I stood in a corner, very far away from the mob, admiring their patience.

“I don’t think I could do it.” I told her as I shook my head.

“Me either,” she paused. “You know, people have asked me for autographs before.”

“Did you sign it?” She shrugged and laughed.

“Sure, why not, right? If they really want it, then they can have it.” She said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they started asking you for autographs.”

“I’ve been keeping a pretty low profile.” I informed her.

“Another dinner says they know who you are, where you’re from, and where your brother lives.” We both laughed, but mine was much more of a nervous laugh. Did they really know all that stuff about me?

“I don’t even want to think about that.” I said while shaking my head.

We finally arrived back at the hotel around 8:00. We’d all gone out to dinner and stuffed our faces for a few hours before deciding that we should get back to the hotel. Hannah went to hang out with Leigh for the rest of the night, so I was left alone with the Emery boys again. We were hanging out in the connecting room between the boy’s bedroom and my bedroom that I shared with Hannah. There was a cozy sofa and two recliners that surrounded an enormous TV. There was also a small kitchen that we’d packed full with junk food.

“What time do we have to be up tomorrow?” Cody asked me as a yawn escaped his lips, I think trying to emphasize that he didn’t enjoy being woken up so early that morning.

“You don’t. You have the day off.” I reminded him. Cody grinned devilishly and suddenly didn’t look very tired—in fact he looked wide-awake. “What?” I asked as I started to grow suspicious. He walked across the room and opened the fridge.

“Cody, what are you doing?” Austin asked tiredly from the recliner.

“We haven’t had a proper night of celebrating yet and that’s just sad.” Cody said as he started taking bottle after bottle out of the fridge.

“Where in the world did you get all that alcohol?” I asked while standing up and running over to him. Austin and Luke followed closely behind me.

Cody shrugged. “We all have secrets.” He let out a very evil sounding laugh. “So…who wants a shot?” I hadn’t had a single drink since the night before graduation. Seven of my friends and I went on a bar crawl to end college with a bang. We ended up going to ten different bars that night and even if you offered me a million dollars, I don’t think I could remember anything about that night past midnight. I’d woken up the next morning to find myself sleeping half naked on the hard wood floor of my friend’s apartment.

“Cody, I don’t know--” Austin said with warning as Luke wandered off into their room.

“Oh come on, live a little.” Cody joked as he unscrewed the top from the beautiful blue bottle of Sky Vodka.

“If Mom and Dad find out that I’ve been letting you drink…”

“I’ll tell them you weren’t involved at all. But they won’t find out.” Luke reappeared with four shot glasses in his hands. He placed them on the counter and Cody began to pour the vodka into them.

“Damn! You come prepared.” I said laughing.

Austin finally stopped arguing and stood silently, waiting for Cody to pour him a shot. When Cody finished pouring, he put the bottle down and handed each of us a glass. I almost dropped mine when I saw what was written on it.

“Whose Emery shot glass is this and where can I get one?” I asked in awe before I began to laugh.

“I had it specially made.” Luke said nonchalantly as I continued laughing.

“You should sell them on your website.”

“That would go over well with our parents, I’m sure they’d love us encouraging our fans to drink.” Austin said while laughing. Cody held up his glass in the air and we all followed suit.

“What should we toast to?” Cody asked. We all thought for a moment in silence. “To Kris’s fine ass.” Cody finally suggested. Luke and Austin both started cracking up.

“Excuse me? Since when did you have permission to be checking out my ass?” I asked while trying to contain my laughter and keep a straight face.

“Since you wear like the shortest shorts I think I’ve ever seen.” Cody teased.

“I do not.”

“Do to.” Luke and Austin were still cracking up.

“I think it’s a good toast.” Luke said as he raised his glass even higher. Austin and Cody both raised their glasses as well. They all stood there waiting for me to raise my glass.

“Fine.” I grumbled as I raised my shot glass to meet theirs. “To my amazingly fine ass.” I grinned before we all swallowed our shots.

“Let’s have another!” Cody said the second after he had downed his shot.

Drinking with the Emery brothers was one of the funniest experiences I’ve ever had. After taking four shots in a row, we all made our way to the couch and Luke pulled out a deck of cards. We played a bunch of drinking games that ended with all of us getting pretty much tanked. I couldn’t even remember how many shots I’d let into my body, but I was definitely feeling good.

Cody had turned on some music and was currently dancing around the room. He reminded me a lot of my brother when he was drunk. Austin was currently on the phone with his girlfriend, Jen…but his words weren’t coming out in the most coherent manner. Luke and I were still on the couch playing a game that I’d just made up in my drunken brain. I’m pretty sure neither of us knew what we were doing, but we kept picking up cards and making up rules to go along with them.

“It’s a king. That means you have to spin in circles and then take a shot.” Luke said and I giggled obnoxiously.

“The last king, you made me run around the room ten times! Stop changing the rules. ” But I was getting up to start my spinning anyway.

“Well this one is black and the other was red…totally different.” I started spinning around and my already blurry vision became even worse. My arms were sticking out like I was a propeller and a sloppy grin was taking over my face. I’d almost forgotten how much fun it was to get absolutely plastered.

“Luke! Can I stop now?” I yelled as I kept spinning. He waited for few more seconds, just to make sure I was as dizzy as I could possibly get.

“Yep, you can stop.” He was pouring me a shot. “Here.” He said as he handed me the glass. I reached out to grab the glass, but I couldn’t seem to find it. Everything was still spinning uncontrollably. I felt him place the glass into my hands and then I proceeded to let the alcohol slide down my throat. Somehow the vodka had started tasting like water, but I didn’t care in the least. I plopped back down on the couch and closed my eyes.

“The world is spinning.” I told him. He laughed before moving his arm so that it was around me. I was startled by his sudden contact. I knew that he was a very touchy person by the way he acted with other people, but he hadn’t really touched me except for holding my hand the previous morning. After the initial shock, I sank into his warm body and snuggled closer to him. It was surprising how right it felt to be in his arms.

“You okay?” He asked me softly after I hadn’t spoken for a few minutes. The only response I could give him was a grunt. I realized that I was perfectly content falling asleep exactly where I was. His hand was playing with the sleeve of my shirt and it was oddly comforting. Whenever his fingers would touch my body, shivers would run down my spine. Alcohol does crazy things.

“We never talked.” He whispered into my ear.

“We’ll talk tomorrow.” I said softly back to him.

“That’s what you said yesterday.” He sounded hurt. I had no response for him so we fell into an awkward silence.

“Kris! Don’t sleep! You haven’t danced with me yet!” I heard Cody call to me. I tried to block out his voice, but when I felt two large hands wrapped around mine, I knew it wasn’t time for sleep. My eyes popped open and I was relieved to find that the world had finally stopped spinning.

A new song had just started and Jimmy Eat World was now filling my ears. Cody grabbed one of my hands and started to twirl me. Our dancing must have been the most ungraceful thing to ever happen. Luke and Austin were both staring at us and laughing. I kept stepping on Cody’s feet and then he would stomp on mine to get me back. Cody picked me up from my waist and put me over his shoulder like he was some sort of caveman. I was laughing uncontrollably as he started to spin around in circles.

“CODY!” I screamed while laughing. I started kicking my legs and pounding my hands on his chest so he would put me down.

“Cody, for god sakes, put her down before you break her in half.” Austin said, but I could tell that he was enjoying the sight of me flying through the air. I think they had all gotten the crazy idea that all I could do with my time was work…and that was far from true. But with everything going on in my life, being constantly busy was the best remedy for me.

“Cody Emery, I am going to throw up all over you if you don’t put me down.” It was the truth. My body couldn’t take spinning excessively for the second time in just ten minutes, especially not when my belly was filled with alcohol.

“Fine.” He grumbled. He walked me over to the couch and placed me next to Luke, who hadn’t move an inch since I left him. My world was once again spinning uncontrollably. Before I could even catch my breath and stop the world from whirling around me, I felt Cody’s hands tickling my body. This wouldn’t have been such a big deal if I weren’t the single most ticklish person on the planet.

“No!” I squealed. Everything was so fuzzy so I was finding is very difficult to stop Cody’s attacks. Laughter kept escaping my lips as I tried to get him off of me. I might have been successful if I wasn’t totally drunk off my ass. “Luke, help!” I got out between my laughs.

“Cody, stop harassing our employee.” Luke said, but I had the feeling that he was enjoying this almost as much as Cody. Suddenly I could breathe again. Cody had finally given up. I realized that I had tears running down my cheeks from laughter and pain.

“Well, I’m going to sleep.” Austin announced. Even through my tears, I could tell that he looked absolutely exhausted. He also had a hint of sadness in his eyes. If I were sober, I would have asked him what was wrong.

We all said something along the lines of ‘night’ before settling into silence. I was still recovering from my attack as I felt my body start to crash from my drunken high. It seemed the day had suddenly caught up with all of us. I looked over at Cody who was now relaxing in the recliner. His eyes were closed and he was taking long, deep breaths. Without thinking, I found myself scooting closer to Luke and settling into the spot he had pulled me into earlier that night. His arm snaked its way around my body and he held me close. I don’t know why I wanted to be close to him or why it felt so right when his arm was wrapped around my shoulders…but I probably wouldn’t remember those feelings in the morning anyway. I let my eyes close, convincing myself that I was only going to close them for a few seconds. Suddenly I felt myself drift into sleep.

I’m not sure how long I was sleeping on the couch, but at some point, I remember being lifted into the air. I stirred in the arms of the person who was now holding me. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. Cody was still sleeping soundly on the reclining chair. There were empty shot glasses all over the coffee table and the entire deck of cards had ended up on the ground somehow. I looked up at who was carrying me.

“Luke?” I whispered.

“Shh…go back to sleep.” He whispered softly. The room was dark, but there were a few rays of light coming in through the window from the city below us. It wasn’t fair how perfect Lucas Emery was. Even in darkness, his perfection had to be admired. Occasionally a ray of light would illuminate his hair or reflect off his eyes. He was truly beautiful. I tried unsuccessfully to clear my head of those silly thoughts. Where were all these thoughts coming from?

“What time is it?” I mumbled sloppily. I was definitely still drunk.

“4:30.” I realized he was taking me into my room. “Let’s get you into bed.” He placed me softly on the end of my bed. He then reached up and pulled down the covers. He picked me up again and helped get me into the bed. I was barely coherent and my eyes closed the instant my head hit the pillow. A moment later, I felt the comforter being pulled over me. I snuggled into the bed before popping one of my eyes open. Luke was still crouched next to me.

“Luke.” I whispered. I closed both of my eyes again and realized that I was falling quickly back into my dreams. He made a noise to let me know that he was listening. “Thank you.” I muttered. After a few moments, I felt his fingers push a few stray hairs out of my face.

“Goodnight, Kris.”