THIRTEEN II – Four Years After the Original THIRTEEN

Started: March 18, 2008

Chapter 1: The Party

It was Diana Jonson’s last year of college and she found herself faced with more and more free time than ever. The work had always been easy for her, and since she was the youngest ever college senior at North Carolina State, she had been given certain privileges. She was allowed to share her dorm with a freshman girl, and she was allowed to leave campus early on weekends. In a bizarre twist of fate, she was also allowed to see her boyfriend and her family whenever she pleased, mostly because the college was her father’s alma mater. Tsunami Jonson, after graduating from State and becoming a rock star, had gone on to save the world, which was entirely indebted to him.

Diana had inherited his car, a Mercedes McLaren; black and quite spiffy. She took pride in the vehicle, and polished it every other weekend, knowing that it had once been one of Tsunami’s prized possessions. The keys to her car jingled in her hand as she prepared to leave the dorm for the weekend.

On her way out of the room, she ran into her freshman roommate, Kristi Turner. “Sorry,” Diana said. “I was just leaving for home. Did you need something?”

“No,” Kristi replied in her quiet manner. There was something odd about the girl; she possessed a maturity that most eighteen year olds did not have. She was not as intelligent as Diana, but just as lovely. Her long hair was a reddish color and was usually tied into a braid that trailed down her back. She was tall and stately, with bright green eyes. Those eyes were staring into Diana in a penetrating kind of way.

“Are you positive?” Diana asked. “I want to make sure I don’t forget anything in here over the weekend; any cleaning or studying or anything.”

“Where are you going besides home? Your boyfriend’s house?” Kristi smiled. “We don’t have anything to do here; everything’s clean, and I don’t think I’m going to need help studying this weekend… I hope.”

“My half sister Lida is turning 26 on Sunday, and my dad’s throwing her a huge party. I honestly don’t know why,” Diana said. “Lida’s never liked big parties. She’s kind of quiet, like you. You’d probably get along with her. Oh yeah!” Her yellow eyes lit up. “That’s what I forgot! The present I bought for her! I knew I’d leave the dorm and forget something!” She rummaged around under her twin-size bed and came up with a wrapped gift. When Diana emerged, her black hair was all in her face. She swept it away and looked back at Kristi, who could almost see a new idea forming in her friend’s eyes.

“Tell you what,” Diana said. “You wanna come with me? To the party? My dad won’t care how many people I invite. I’m taking Drei too.”

Kristi looked perplexed. “Of course. I’ll probably be lonely in the dorm all by myself. Like I said, I wasn’t planning to do any studying this weekend anyway. Do I need to bring a present?”

“Probably not,” Diana said. “Lida doesn’t like when people make a fuss over her. You’ll be fine.” She grabbed Kristi’s purse from the dresser and handed it to her. “Here. Don’t worry about bringing clothes; you can borrow some of mine.”

Kristi smiled again, an enigmatic toothless grin. “Can I wear that black dress you have?”

“Sure why not,” Diana shrugged. “It’ll fit you a little bit better anyway. I have to wear my high high heels to get the hem off the ground; it’s so long on me.”

After getting some clothing together, Diana and Kristi were ready to leave the college. It was Friday afternoon; they had the entire weekend to think about things other than studying.

Sunday arrived and Tsunami was in a panic. His stomach was knotted with anxiety about the upcoming football game, and of course, his daughter’s birthday party. Patriots versus Jets… and Lida’s turning twenty-six… were the first thoughts to emerge from his mind. He reached in the bed beside him for his wife, the lovely Naomi. As usual, she wasn’t there, and he had to resort to reaching for the bottle of Mountain Dew that often stood by the bedside. He glugged down the warm liquid and was finally ready to face the day.

Time had not changed Tsunami much at all. Artemis had made good on her promise. He was nearing fifty years old, and looked not a day older than twenty-three. Blue hair, tipped with black, hung a little bit past his shoulder blades, which were adorned with many tattoos and some faint scars from long ago battles.

Suddenly, Natasha Molotov burst into his bedroom, carrying several cleaning supplies. “Good morning, Tsunami,” she said, looking at him with wide eyes.

“What the fuck, Natasha! Don’t you even know how to knock?” Tsunami demanded. He threw his bathrobe around himself so she couldn’t get too enamored by looking at him.

“I do. But Naomi wanted me to wake you up and start cleaning the entire house. It is our daughter’s birthday, you know.” Natasha still looked like she was trying to get a look underneath his bathrobe. Knowing her history with him, she probably was.

“I’m awake goddamnit! And I know what day it is! Let me get some fucking clothes on!” He dashed toward the bathroom to take a quick piss and she immediately began to fix the bed, humming a Russian tune under her breath. As soon as he locked the door to the bathroom and turned on water for a shower, she lifted some of the bed sheets up to her nose. They smelled like Ax, and they smelled like Tsunami. Heavenly.

She finished cleaning the room in the nick of time. Tsunami stepped out of the bathroom tentatively, making sure she wasn’t lurking around the corner trying to catch a glimpse of him unveiled. “Thank God,” he said, and began to get dressed. All his clothes were folded neatly and put into the appropriate drawers. He wondered how Natasha had done everything that fast.

After four years as a maid, her skills had increased dramatically.

Tsunami pulled on a Patriots jersey and some black pants with chains. He tied his hair back with a rubber band and put on his steel toe combat boots, also black. He went down to the kitchen to greet his lovely wife.

Naomi was playing with their grandson, Josef. When she saw Tsunami, she smiled. “You got everything ready?”

“Ready for what? The game?”

“No, you idiot! Lida’s party! Did you forget already?”

“Shit,” Tsunami muttered, then rushed off.

“Dad! Don’t curse around my son!” Nikki, his daughter-in-law, yelled out.

“Shit!” Josef exclaimed joyfully, bouncing on Naomi’s lap. “Shit shit shitty shit!”

“Oh no,” Naomi groaned, but she was still grinning. “Just what we need, another Nami!”

“Not if I can help it,” said Nikki grimly. “It’s hard enough to train Nikolai as it is. I’m starting Josef’s discipline at a young age.”

Nikolai was leaning back against the counter with a can of Vault in his hand. “Good luck with that. He probably inherited all of my dad’s genes, meaning he’s going to be a badass motherfucker!”

“Nick!” Nikki and Naomi yelled out at once.

Little Josef giggled and said, “Daddy can you show me Grampa’s big doggy?”

“Yeah,” Nikolai said, picking up his son. “Maybe Apollo will let you ride on his back.” They walked outside together, out to the backyard, by the pond; and Apollo bounded up to them.

The word “big” was an understatement when it came to describing this dog. Apollo looked like a giant wolf, and even had the yellow eyes and sly face. He barked and the sound of it shook the trees, then he licked Nikolai’s face with a huge tongue, almost lifting him off his feet.

Nikolai placed Josef gently on Apollo’s back. “Hold on tight, son,” he said.

“Yay!” Josef squealed. 3/19 He clutched the thick ruff on Apollo’s neck with tiny hands. The wolfish dog felt Josef grabbing ahold of him and began to bound around the yard.

“Wheeeee!” Josef screamed. Nikolai was trying to run after Apollo, to keep up with his son, but the dog could outrun any track and field athlete in the world. “Daddy, I like this doggy! Can you ask Grampa if I can have him?”

Apollo was the last thing Nikolai needed. Nikki didn’t like many animals, especially ones as big as Apollo, and just to feed the humongous dog for a day would cost about a month’s paycheck. “I don’t think we can have a dog, Joe,” said Nikolai. He caught up with Apollo with difficulty and grabbed his over-excited son off the dog’s back.

“Why not?” Josef asked, the picture of innocence.

“Your mom would kill me and you,” Nikolai said. Deep inside, he wanted the wolf-like dog too.

“Why would I kill you?” Nikki asked. She had come outside, but was staying as far away from Apollo as she could.

“Because I want to keep Grampa’s doggy!” Josef said in his big loud voice.

“I wouldn’t kill you, but I would kill Nikolai,” Nikki grinned and then laughed. She looked nervously at Apollo. The dog wagged his tail at her and almost knocked over a tree, then he opened his mouth and seemed to smile at her. “Let’s go in,” Nikki said quickly.

More people had entered the house since they had gone outside. Twenty-five year old Ivy bounced up to Nikolai. “Hey brother!” she squealed. “Like the new top Aunt Sami got me?”

Nikolai saw it and was quite disgusted. The top was pink with a hideous floral pattern. It had ruffles on the neckline and poofy sleeves. It looked like something an old woman would wear on bingo night. “Yeah, I love it,” he said, knowing Ivy would miss the sarcasm.

“I love you too, bro!” she squeaked. “And I brought one of my friends to the party!”

A girl with bright purple hair stepped up by Ivy’s side. Nikolai’s first impression was “that’s one fine piece of ass, but probably a lesbian.” “Hi, I’m Violent Violet,” the girl said. “That’s my stage name. You can just call me Violet.”

“So you work with my sister?” Nikolai said, trying vaguely to make conversation. It made him extremely uncomfortable to meet any of Ivy’s love interests. Like most men, he loved lesbians, but knowing his sister was one kind of freaked him out.

“Yeah. Me and Ivy always go onstage together,” Violet said. She had a certain inflection in her voice that only implied one thing; teasing. This girl would drive a man to the point of no return, then tell him she was a lesbian. Nikolai disliked strippers; all they knew how to do was tease.

Ivy stepped up to Violet and put an arm around her waist. “That’s why our hair is the same colors!” Ivy said, excited. Nikolai noted that Ivy’s hair had purple tips, and Violet’s hair had pink tips.

“Cute,” he grunted, then turned to go away.

“He doesn’t like me very much does he?” asked Violet.

“He’s married,” Ivy replied, as though that explained everything. “His wife’s hot.”

“Yeah… married men are no fun,” said Violet, disregarding that last statement. “When you get married, it’s like you’re the walking dead or something.”

Ivy giggled, then turned toward the door of the house. “Oh my God! It’s my sister!”

“You have two?” Violet asked. Ivy had only told her about Lida.

Diana stepped through the crowd, with Kristi and her boyfriend Drei at her side. “Hey Ivy,” she said. “Did you get Lida a nice present?”

“Shut up, smartass,” Ivy muttered. Her jealousy of Diana flared up quickly, then retreated the instant she saw Kristi. “Oohh… is this your roommate?”

“This is Kristi,” said Diana tentatively. “Kristi, this is my sister Ivy.”

“Hello Ivy,” Kristi said calmly. Ivy and Violet were practically drooling over the girl, who appeared not to care, as though many lesbians had had crushes on her in the past.

“Hey!” Ivy enthused. She puffed out her chest. “I work at the Broken Butterfly and I’m an… exotic dancer…”

“That’s nice,” Kristi said conversationally. “I’m a physics major.”

Ivy looked critically at Kristi, her pink contact covered eyes widening as though trying to see into her soul. “You’re also a nice piece of ass!”

“Ivy! How dare you say that to my friend!” Diana yelled. Drei was hiding a smile.

“What did I say?” Ivy wondered. She twirled some pink hair around her finger and looked up at the ceiling.

“Don’t play dumb!” Diana could not believe the stupidity of this twenty-five year old woman. “You know what you said, now take it back!”

Ivy giggled. “I don’t take back compliments.” She grabbed Violet’s arm and walked away.

“I apologize for my sister’s stupidity,” Diana told Kristi. “She’s acted like this since she was born… Mom said that all those tragedies and plagues screwed up her mind. But Nikolai’s her twin and he’s just as normal as me.”

“You’re not normal, baby,” Drei said. “You’re smart and hot and beautiful.” He leaned down and kissed his girlfriend gently on the lips.

“I didn’t take offense at what she said,” Kristi said quietly, but by the time she said it, Diana was occupied with her boyfriend. Kristi sighed and proceeded to observe everything that was going on in the Jonson household.

After all the guests had arrived, all they were waiting on was Lida. “What the fuck?” Tsunami wondered. “She’s never late. What’s going on? Natasha, do you know where she is?”

“No. Lida never tells me anything anymore,” Natasha complained. She was still dressed in her maid’s outfit and had a small vacuum cleaner in her hand.

The doorbell rang and Tsunami went to get it. “That’s probably her. She needs to learn that she can just walk in. We’re her family.”

He opened the door, and there stood Lida, along with a scruffy guy. He was tall, perhaps a few inches shorter than Tsunami, and quite well-muscled. His brown hair was tied back in a ponytail and he work dark sunglasses that reflected the entire room and people behind Tsunami.

“Father,” Lida said. She stepped around the guy to give Tsunami a Russian kiss. “This is my boyfriend James. I told him he could come to my party. Please do not turn him away.”

“No, honey. He can stay,” Tsunami said, still observing the guy. The two men stared each other down with mutual interest.

“Happy birthday!” everyone chorused. Tsunami barely heard. He inspected his daughter’s boyfriend James, and liked what he saw. The guy wore a Patriots jersey almost exactly like his, and had a Hardy Boyz pendant around his neck. His facial hair was in a similar style inspired by the classic wrestler. He wore black cut off jeans with black combat boots that were almost the twins of the ones Tsunami had on. It was like he had walked into Tsunami’s closet at night and stolen half his clothes.

“I can’t believe it!” James suddenly yelled. The look on his face turned to complete recognition. “Lida! Lida! Why didn’t you tell me your dad was the lead singer of Russian Legion! Holy shit, this guy is practically my fucking idol! I started listening to ‘em when I was nine!”

Tsunami had just noticed the Russian Legion and Generation 69 wristbands, on James’ right and left wrist respectively, but something else struck his mind even more than that.

On the right side of James’ neck, tattooed in silver ink, was a symbol Tsunami had long equated with pain and triumph, the Roman numeral XIII.

“Hey, where the fuck did you get that tattoo?” Tsunami wanted to know, but James didn’t hear him. He was too busy trying to get an autograph.

“Dude, I asked you a question,” Tsunami said to James.

“Anything, sir,” James said eagerly.

“Don’t call me sir, dammit. It reminds me of the days when I was in the secret service, under Hitlery Clinton,” Tsunami reminisced, grimacing. Then he forgot the question he wanted to ask.

“You were in the secret service, too? Holy shit, you are so awesome! Can I get your autograph?” James asked. “Here, sign my Patriots jersey.” He extended his arm and handed Tsunami a Sharpie.

Nami signed the jersey, then Tristan walked into the room. He had changed little in the past four years also, and he was still married to the lovely Anastasia. The two were waiting for the day when they would officially be family to the Jonsons… when Drei and Diana were joined in matrimony.

“You found another fan,” Tristan said. “You can’t go anywhere without attracting attention, Nami. Not even your own house.”

At the sound of Tristan’s voice, James turned around, almost making Tsunami mess up his signature. “Dude! Are you the lead singer of Generation 69?” he demanded of Tristan, his eyes bulging out of his head.

“I’m the man,” said Tristan and extended his hand to James.

Meanwhile, Lida was watching her boyfriend become overexcited by meeting two of his idols in person. She shook her head and went back to talking to Natasha. “So mother, what do you think of my boyfriend?”

Natasha looked at James and was immediately reminded of Tsunami, which was not implausible. The two looked similar enough. “I don’t know yet. He seems like a nice man. If your grandmother was still alive, she would not have anything good to say.”

Lida never understood why Natasha still complained about her own mother, even when the woman had been dead and gone for the past ten years. She flipped her blue-black hair over her shoulder and said, “At least Father seems to like him.”

“That man likes anyone who idolizes him,” Natasha said. “He is unbelievably arrogant. I am glad you did not inherit any of his genes.”

She was right. Even though Lida had everything in the world to be arrogant about, she remained chaste, humble, and quiet natured. She suffered from low self esteem, and Natasha thought that was the reason why Lida had attracted a man like James, who was obviously far below her social level... Natasha mentally slapped herself. She was starting to sound just like her own mother…

The night arrived quickly and it became time to open the presents. Lida hated this part of her birthday, with everyone standing around and watching her, making her feel uncomfortable. Yet, she graciously accepted each present, smiling and laughing.

Diana’s present was her favorite. It was a delicate silver bracelet with Lida’s initials embossed on a heart-shaped charm. “Thank you, my sister… it is most beautiful,” Lida said, the first genuine compliment she had given anyone on any gift so far. Ivy had given her a raunchy bedroom set that included edible underwear.

“I thought you would like it,” Diana said and blushed. She loved endearing herself to her older sister; Ivy hardly counted as older when she had the mental abilities of a retarded sixteen year old.

James’ present was the last to be opened. It was a gigantic box, but it felt nearly empty. Lida tore through it eagerly, waiting to see what her boyfriend had gotten her; they had only been dating for six months; he didn’t know her nearly well enough to know what she really wanted…

It took forever to get to the actual present. James had put several boxes inside the large box, and stuffed it all up with plastic bags. He giggled as she struggled to open the present, growing slightly frustrated as she did so. “What is this? Is this my present? Just a bunch of WalMart bags?” Lida asked.

“Keep opening them,” said James.

She finally got to the very last box and opened it. Inside was a CD from Russian Legion. Lida could attain a million copies of that particular CD if she so much as blinked. “Thank you, James…” she said hesitantly.

“I bought you that present before I knew your dad was the lead singer. I’m sorry baby. If you want, we can go to the store and exchange it tomorrow,” James said. Fortunately, he had ceased giggling.

“The present did not count,” Lida laughed. “The real fun was opening it.” Everyone else laughed along with her, though she was quietly discontent.

After the cake and the ritual singing of the birthday song, Lida and James had found some alone time away from Ivy, who had been continually pestering them both.

“Look Lida,” James started. They were sitting on the bed in one of Tsunami’s many guest rooms, and Lida was taking off her jewelry. “I’m sorry I spazzed out on you back there. You don’t know how it is, like, when you practically worship a band so much… and then it turns out that the lead singer is your girlfriend’s dad… it’s just mind-blowing!”

Lida nodded. “I cannot say I have ever had the experience.” She lay down in the bed, fully dressed, beside James, who only wore a pair of boxer shorts.

“Are you going to sleep in your clothes, babe? Why don’t you put on those edible panties your sister got you?” James grinned lecherously, then his expression turned serious. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Lida said. “I had a long day. James, I love you.” She gave him a Russian kiss and closed her eyes.

He reclined beside her. “Are you ever going to wear the edible underwear?” There was no answer. “Lida?”

James poked her in the shoulder and found her already asleep, her breathing a gentle whistling through parted lips.