Even in my childhood, I knew you were there
Thick inky blackness leaking at the edges of my mind
I was afraid, but I was also fascinated
A demon in my view, but this demon was mine
I discovered cruelty and the pleasure it brought me
My eyes took on a gleam of crimson dreams
I woke up daily and checked my fingernails for blood
Would've grown claws and bloodied them if I could
Wanted to mark deep howling fissures in the living wood
In my dreams I cried for gore
Give me murder, give me another hot red drink
And yet I was still so young

You were there, you were there when I discovered lust
Another million miles you led me down this dark road
By then your hooks were in me, there was really nothing I could do
Today I still bear that wicked seed that you sowed
I couldn't stop, by God I was still so green
So unjaded at carrying this load
I had to feed the beast inside, I fed it scalding honey
But still I yearned for warm blood, flesh and milk
You denied me innocence in my hot desire
Revealed to me what it would truly take to douse the pyre
Showed me that on both sides my soul would set afire
To this day I turbulently weep for what I can't acquire
And yet, perverse in pleasure, I love being what I am
I love the compulsion, too, that drives me to lone release
So I grew up fucked-up, and happy

First time I saw you, first time I really saw you
Straight-on, not peripheral in my mortal sight
You wore shadows like a cloak and gave off death into the night
Erect in the dark like a demon you stood
I shot you five times but still you kept coming
I emptied the clip, dropped the gun and started running
I could hear you behind me like a subway train chugchugging
You snagged my shirt and pulled me down
Before I knew it we were fucking
Why in God's name did I let you take me
Down?

The disease that rots my soul
With fangs of onyx eats me inside out
Why didn't I run faster?
Why in God's name didn't I just fly, fly away?
Fly, and die another day
Cry, and fuck my life away
The shadows just looked so warm and inviting
Stupid, godless was I, so I gave in and fucked my soul away

I should have seen not to let you in
Not to give up, though you had me practically tied down
I should have tried to throw your darkness off my back
I should have tried, but I craved, I craved, craved, craved
I craved more of your sweet effluvium
Another dark pleasure, I craved what you offered me
The stormclouds so blinding I forgot that once I still could see
You never told me what I would turn out to be
You never warned me, crouch there and laugh at my battle-rage
Laugh when another black orgasm waves over me
Crunching me in spasmodic teeth like dark dreams of brimstone and flame
Flame, I need to burn
I sold myself over to the flames, to the fires that burn me
They burnt the innocence and will out of my body
Here I am now, embrace me now, a scorched twisted empty husk
Hung from a meat-hook, the conflagration turns me in the breeze