I press my forehead against the wall in my shower as the scolding water pierces my skin. It feels so good.

As I step out and wrap a towel around myself I wonder what has become of me in just two nights. I was afraid to even go out drinking with my friends, and now I drink and spend the night at some guy’s house. Yet it feels so right. Like I’m supposed to learn how to become something more by going with him. Breaking out of my shell. That is mostly why I want to bring my camera. I want to see through something else at a different time in my life what makes me feel so horribly amazing.

I dress and as I do I pull out three outfits for tonight and stuff them in my duffle bag. Then I hurry over to my camera equipment stumbling over everything. I pack it all in a bag made special for it and I am very careful not to drop, trip, or knock it over as clumsy as I’ve been today. Of course I go into my bathroom and throw the essentials into my bag. As soon as I am satisfied with it I take another look into my closet. There is a hat sitting on a shelf higher up than the bar holding all my clothes with hangers. It is navy blue with a part that comes down over your ears and braided strings at the ends. I pull it down and put it on. It is still cool out and who knows how the lake will be. When I look in the mirror at myself I do something terribly out of character. I smile. I don’t dislike myself or my looks, I just am never really as pleased as I am now. I love this hat.

I grab my pillow off of my bed and enter my living room area. With my hands on my hips I mentally count all of my things and make sure that I haven’t forgotten anything. My hands are tingling and my mind is quaking. I can’t quite get a hold of myself right now. I think it is just so overwhelming and finally hitting me.

Licking my lips and popping a piece of Trident in my mouth, I look around the room at the clock. Come on it has to have been an hour by now. I crack my knuckles and sit with my legs tightly wrapped around one another. I think it’s getting so bad that my heart speed is pounding louder and faster. Every time I feel I’ve waiting for a long time, which could be a mere five minutes, I break out my iPod. Music soothes this pathetic soul. Tames the beast. Brings me back to Earth. I always have to control myself. I am never normally like this…

“Hello, young woman, do you happen to need a ride to Gary this fine morning?” I jump back falling off of my chair as he bursts in the room. He cleans up so well. Not that he didn’t look really, really good with his hair all messy when he wakes in the-

“Let me help you up!” He looks good in button up shirts. Especially the black one he has on today. He grabs my arm and pulls me up all too quickly. I fall on my own bags again forward. I don’t want to feel totally clichéd like I am landing on him all the time because honestly I am not a touchy person. It may not seem so from when I caressed his face… I breathe him in and he doesn’t move for a second.

“Uh let me get my things,” I try and pick up my three bags and stumble back and forth to the door. He shakes his head down at me.

“Give me your things. Obviously you cannot handle to be without a man’s help,” he grunts huskily. I roll my eyes as he forces a giggle out of me.

He grabs my camera bag and duffle as I carry my purse down the stairs and finally to the back of his Dodge Avenger. I mention the fragileness of my camera bag to which he pretends to drop it and give me a heart attack.

“You are too easy, Regan.” I love the way he says me name. I hate that he can push my buttons so easily. I may not know his, but it is almost satisfying that he cares enough to get to know me. Or maybe not.

He opens the door for me and runs around to the other side and gets in the drivers seat. The smell of the interior hits me first. It is a scent I would gladly wake up to every morning. Mm. The aroma is him. Fresh and makes me feel warm inside, or that could be me outside. I could be blushing from being taken away by just sitting in his car.

He starts the engine and we pull out. As I fold my hands and bob my leg a little, he looks over at me from the road. “Anxious?” I nod a little but it could be mistaken for the car going over a small bump in the street. “I am just so excited to get out there by the lake!” I can feel him accelerate more.

I look around the car some more trying to keep my gaze anywhere but on him. It’s not even messy. Nothing on the floor not even any garbage in the cup holders. I find it odd how clean and together such a person like him can be.

I lean my cheek on a cold hand pressed up against the window watching all the traffic and places pass by carelessly. There also is a strong apprehension inside of me that has obviously not or will not calm.

“I love your vest,” he says tugging on it with pinched fingers. He is referring to my bright orange coat/vest that I have on over my navy jacket. “Actually I just like how you dress in general.” He shakes his head and sighs loudly but lightly. “You’re so different,” then his eye quickly strike mine and just as swiftly go back to the road. I feel a jolt in my abdomen and feel a burning grin spread slowly like a Dr. Seuss character’s smile.

I tug on my neon purple hobo gloves and contemplate returning a compliment. “Well I am- flattered… I think you look really nice in button up shirts.” Before I can even hide my silly uncontrollable facial expressions he turns and catches me.

“Really now? I didn’t think that you were that type of girl,” what the heck could he mean by that?

“Um…” I don’t really know how to respond let alone take that type of statement.

He laughs and I feel a swooning sensation, “I mean you aren’t very straight forward or quick to joke around with somebody.” This is true. Reads me like a book damn him.

I don’t reply for a few moments and then I feel the uncontainable urge to turn on music, “Hey can we get some tunes on.”

“Read my mind,” he winks and tells me to turn on anything I want. Anything in the musical world! So many choices.

He doesn’t have an outlet for iPods as I suspected and thankfully brought my own from home. I know what I want to hear…

One more time! Were gonna celebrate yea oh yea!

We both without even coordinating bob our heads to the beat and this makes me laugh frenziedly. “Best damn song ever!” he continues to bob and sing aloud.

I feel like I am relating to him or showing him a different side. It is draining, and makes me less self conscious, and more in my comfort zone. Music usually does.

“We don’t stop-”

“You can’t stop-”

We switch verses while each laughs at the other. Until…“One more time!” We belt in unison.

As the song ends, and we are both out of breath, and eventually stop beating on the steering wheel and center consol, we are in a moment of electric excitement.

“I underestimate you,” he says at last.

“Sure did,” I get sarcastically cocky when I am stimulated. This makes him laugh and hops up and down in the seat.

“I am so antsy to get there! Turn on some more music, we need to get pumped!” He rubs the top of my head playfully and I hold back a squeak of delight.

I pump up another tune as he pounds the steering wheel in exhilaration, and I feel my hands tingle causing a spasm in my hands. My fingers move with a consistent twitch at rapid speed, and I squeeze my eyes shut as I accidentally squeal in joy. I don’t even care what his reaction is, though he happens to chuckle and push my hat over my eyes, because he is really bringing out a rare and good side of me.

I like that a lot.