I'm sitting here at my computer desk crying. I don't know weather its because my mom won't let me go see a friend play in his band, or if its because I know I'll never get to HAVE that friend. Granted he is playing at a Club. My mom is over protective of me so I can understand why she won't let me go. I mean its a CLUB.

My friend told me that he understood. Then he said “When I'm up there on stage I'll give you a shout out.” That made me cry. I don't know why. It just...Made me cry. I don't know what this means! Am I in love with him or what? I want him. I want to be with him, but I can't because he's with someone he loves. Which pretty much rules me out because he's supposed to go move in with her in February of next year.

I don't know what it means. I want him to be happy, but just knowing I'll never get to be with him hurts. He's on my mind a good amount. He makes me laugh, and he's a good friend. Gah! Do I love him or not? Am I just a lovesick puppy, or is this the real thing? Am I truly IN love with him? Or is my heart just playing a dirty little trick on me.

I tell him that I'd be able to stand his bands Metal. And I'm telling the truth. Just for him I'd stand metal and listen to it. I'd only listen to his band play yes, but I'd listen to it.

I just realized that it hurts really bad not to his. “Never make someone a priority in your life, when your only an option in theres.”. That quote just came to mind. ~sigh~ What does all this mean? Can someone help me make sense of this or am I on my own?

Main questions:

Am I in love with my friend? Is my heart playing a trick on me? Is this only puppy love?