Caller Unknown

x

“I’m a dollar fifteen short…” Carrie muttered, irritated, “Andrea, have you got any change?”

“Uh,” I said intelligently, “Let me check.”

I opened my wallet, to find I had spent my last dollar on my coffee.

“Nothing?” Carrie said, still searching through her purse. I dumped mine upside down and a couple pennies fell out.

“Is four cents going to help you?” I said bleakly.

“It’s a start,” Carrie said, grinning and stacking the pennies on the table.

“I have an idea!” I said, leaning back and fishing between the cushions of the couch I was sitting on. Carrie raised an eyebrow at me, but continued to watch with vague interest.

“Here.” I said, dropping three quarters on the table. “79 cents with those four pennies.”

“Keep looking?” Carrie said hopefully.

I leaned back once more, and was surprised when my fingers brushed over something that felt oddly like a phone.

I grasped the object and grinned as I admired the shiny flip phone that was now mine.

“I’ve got a dollar right here.” Carrie said excitedly, walking over to the cash to pay.

“I’ve got a phone right here.” I said, walking towards Carrie and showing off the fancy flip phone.

“Did you find that… in the couch?” Carrie said in disbelief.

“You know it.” I said, grinning, “Pretty sweet, eh? A free phone, fancy that!”

Carrie giggled, “Eventually some one will cut off the service on that thing and you’ll have a useless free phone.”

“Meh,” I said breezily, “It’s free, so it’s not like I’m losing anything.”

Carrie laughed, “All right Andrea, enjoy it.”

x

I was in my apartment that was far too large for only one person, chopping carrots for dinner.

Then it rang.

The knife flew out of my hand and landed with a loud clatter next to my bathroom door. Taking a heavy panicked breath, I stared at my home phone with confusion.

It rang again.

Then it all clicked, and I ran into my bedroom and grasped the fancy cell phone in my hands.

‘Home’ it read, and I was then faced with a decision.

Answer it? Or leave it?

Well, as they say, curiosity killed the cat.

“Hello?” I said, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“Who is this?” A male voice demanded angrily from across the line.

“I don’t know,” I said, “it all depends on who you are.”

“I’m the owner of the phone that you have stolen.” He said, still sounding as angry as ever.

“In that case,” I said, “I’m from the cell phone company. We are examining your phone at this time to make sure no viruses or bugs were programmed into your phone while it was out of your reach.”

“Bullshit!” He exclaimed angrily, “I called the company ten times and they said there was nothing they could do to retrieve my phone!”

“You have obviously called the wrong provider sir.” I said, “This phone is clearly property of virgin mobile, you must have called a different company.”

“My phone is not from virgin mobile!” The man spat, enraged, “My phone is from verizon wireless, and I think I would know, considering I’m the one who set it up.”

“Sir,” I said coolly, “I suggest you get your papers and information in order before calling the wrong number. Good day.”

Then I hung up.

And felt strangely excited.

x

Carrie and I were shopping downtown. Carrie had insisted that I go to some ridiculous formal for her work. She had a date and was nervous around him, so she insisted I tag along and bring my own date to ease her nervousness.

What a laugh.

Like I was getting a date on such short notice.

“I liked that dress back at Twelfth Avenue.” Carrie said, “I’m just torn as to whether or not Michael will like it. Andrea, will Michael like it?”

“I don’t know,” I said passively, “It doesn’t really matter what he thinks!”

“It’s so bright though, I don’t want to attract attention!” Carrie continued to babble on, completely disregarding my comment.

“Then let’s keep looking.” I said, tugging at the handle of the bag that contained my plain black cocktail dress. I had walked into the first place and bought the cheapest dress that fit. Carrie hadn’t been able to choose at all, so I served as the ‘opinion-giver’.

“Have you found a date yet?” Carrie asked, walking into another store.

“I told you already, I’m not going to get one.” I said, annoyed, “Now go find yourself a dress.”

Then it rang for the second time.

“Hel-” I began, but was cut off.

“I’ve called my company six times and they assured me that this phone is in fact verizon wireless, and that there is nobody checking the phone for viruses or bugs!” He snarled.

I loved how he hadn’t thought of deactivating his service.

“Carrie, hang on a sec, I’ve got to take this call.” I sang, and walked to the back of the store where all the god-awful dresses were.

“What are you doing?” The man demanded angrily, “Stop playing with me here, I want my phone back!”

“Do you have any idea where I found this?” I asked breezily, leaning against the wall and watching Carrie look through racks of dresses interestedly.

“This? What are you talking about?” He demanded, still angry as ever.

“Your phone, Einstein.” I said.

“I don’t know where you found it.” He said, “How about you tell me?”

“At a coffee house.” I said, “You drink coffee a lot?”

“What relevance does this have with anything?” He growled.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” I said, “How does one manage to get their phone lost between cushions of a couch at a coffee house?”

“That’s where you found it?” He asked, “At a coffee house?”

“Yes sir,” I said, “in between the cushions of a big felt couch.”

“Can you please return my phone to me?” He asked, turning his anger down a notch.

“Nope,” I said cheekily, “this is just too much fun.”

Then I hung up.

And once again, I was oddly giddy.

x

I was at work, typing on my computer.

To say this was boring was the under statement of the century.

Then the phone vibrated in my pocket.

“Hello?” I said daintily, already knowing who it was on the other line.

“I give up.” He said immediately, “I have come to the realization that you will never give me my phone back, because you are completely insufferable.”

“Oh boy!” I said, “Reverse psychology, my favorite!”

“Stop it!” He said, “Do you find this funny? This is my valuable money going down the drain because you are too indecent to return my phone to me!”

Still no deactivation of the service. This guy was an absolute all-star.

“I’m not giving it back,” I said, “it’s real pretty and shiny and it makes you angry that I still have it.”

“I am finished with you!” He said, “Keep the phone, see if I care!”

“Well thanks!” I said, “I do appreciate it!”

“Don’t expect me to call again,” He added, as an after thought.

And he hung up.

This wasn’t quite as fun as before.

x

Carrie and Michael were over for dinner. Now why would I have invited Carrie and Michael over for dinner?

The answer is, that I didn’t invite Carrie and Michael over for dinner; Carrie invited Carrie and Michael over for dinner.

I cooked the meal, cleaned the apartment and held pleasant conversation for fifteen minutes before I decided that I had had enough.

Technically, I was doing Carrie a favor by leaving the room, she’d have more time to talk with her beloved Michael and I wouldn’t have to pretend to be interested.

I wasn’t quite sure what possessed me, but I flipped open the fancy phone, went into the contacts menu, and selected ‘home’.

“Hello?” Came a voice that was starting to grow familiar.

“Entertain me.” I said, flopping down onto my bed, “I’m bored.”

“Is this… Is this the woman that stole my phone?” He asked.

“I have a name, you know,” I said, “and I don’t appreciate that you accuse me of stealing your phone. I found it, is all.”

“You want me to entertain you?” He said, ignoring my comment, “Who do you think I am? A birthday party service for six year olds?”

“For all I know, you are.” I retorted, “The only thing I know about you is that you have a very short temper.”

“And the only thing I know about you is that you are extremely obnoxious.” He replied.

“Are you going to entertain me or what?” I asked, and grinned as I heard Carrie burst into laughter in the other room.

“How exactly does one entertain someone else over the phone?” He asked.

“Are you implying you want to?” I asked excitedly.

“Not like I have anything better to do.” He muttered.

There was a short beep, and he said, “I have a call waiting, hang on a sec.”

This was all too confusing. I was talking to a completely stranger like I might talk to a friend on the phone. How did that work out?

“I know it’s you, and no, I don’t have anyone to go with, leave me alone would you?” His voice came.

“I’m still here.” I said, stifling a laugh.

“Oh.”

There was another beep and then his voice was gone.

“What are you doing?” Carrie asked, walking into my bedroom, “You’ve been gone for ages!”

“Sorry.” I said, snapping the phone shut, forgetting about the guy on the other line, “I just felt excluded from your conversation, so I left.”

“My bad…” Carrie said, blushing, “Anyway, Michael and I are going to go now, thanks for having us over.”

“Anytime.” I said, “Take care!”

“Will do.” She said.

And my apartment was big and alone once more.

x

I should have brought a date.

I should have brought a date.

I should have brought a date.

This was boring and lonely and Carrie and Michael had ditched me the moment we stepped inside.

The dinner was to begin in a moment, at which point Carrie and Michael would finally come back and sit with me, but until then, I would have to stand against the wall and watch everyone else mingle.

I decided to find our table first, walking to the front of the large dining hall and finding my name near the bottom of a long list.

Table 17.

I strode over to the big circular table and sat down where my name was written on a name card. According to Carrie, this formal was a fundraiser, and that her company was hosting it. I feared that long speeches and mediocre performances were next to come.

Carrie and Michael finally arrived, sitting down next to me and giggling amongst each other. The lights blinked and the table began to fill up.

“So what do you think of this so far?” Carrie asked me eagerly.

“It’s very entertaining.” I lied, “Night’s just flown by!”

“I know!” Carrie agreed excitedly, “Hasn’t it been amazing Michael?”

And just like that I was excluded from the conversation.

Fantastic.

I realized that I would prefer a nice, greasy burger to some fancy food; That I would prefer to leave this snobby, stuck up party as soon as possible, and most of all, that Carrie and Michael wouldn’t care if I left.

“Carrie,” I said, grabbing my small clutch, “My stomach is upset, I don’t feel too well, I think I’m going to call it a night.”

“Really?” Carrie said, disappointed, “Dinner’s about to start!”

“I really don’t want to eat right now,” I lied again, “I think I’m just going to head home and lie down.”

“All right, I completely understand, get better!” Carrie said, and with that, I left.

x

I walked to the burger place in heels and a cocktail dress. I was halfway there when, to my surprise, the phone rang.

“Hello?” I said, tucking my clutch underneath my arm.

“Entertain me.” The man’s voice came, “I’m bored.”

“Bored?” I said, “Why on earth would you be bored?”

“I’m at a stupid fundraiser thing, and it’s dull as can be.” He said.

I laughed, “I just left a stupid fundraiser thing, I happen to be on my way to a burger joint because I really don’t want to wait forty minutes just to get a tiny salad.”

He laughed, “Were you at the formal hosted by that big computer company?”

“Yeah,” I said, “my friend works there and she invited me along.”

“Can I join you?” He asked, catching me off guard, “At the burger joint I mean.”

“Uh, sure.” I said, my cheeks flushing, “I’m on my way to Mike’s on third.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He said, “Look for a guy in a tux.”

“Look for a girl in a dress.” I laughed.

He hung up.

Why was my heart beating so fast?

x

I ordered a cheeseburger and sat down, eating it ravenously. I heard the door open, and looked upwards to see a young man wearing a black tux. Short brown hair adorned his head, and the smile that lit up his face when he saw me was enough to make a person melt.

“Well hello there, partner.” I said, feeling surprisingly comfortable.

“Hello vile woman who stole my phone.” He said, “Do you, by any chance, have a name?”

“Andrea.” I said warmly.

“Jonathan.” He said, holding out a hand for me to take. I grasped his warm hand eagerly, and followed him to the counter.

Returning to our seats, we sat in complete silence for a moment.

“Here.” I said, handing him the phone, “It is yours, after all.”

He pushed the phone back towards me, “Keep it,” He said, “I like your calls.”

“Well thanks,” I said, blushing, “I like your calls too.”

Having officially entered an awkward silence, I grabbed his hand and lead him out of the restaurant.

“How did you lose your phone?” I asked, as we walked through the large park at the center of town.

“Well,” He said, “I left it there on purpose in hope that someone gorgeous might find it, and then bother me until we finally meet and I get the chance to kiss her.”

“Excuse me?” I said.

And he kissed me.

This sure beat any formal Carrie could ever bring me to.

x

Fin.