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Please point out all mistakes to me please.

See usually I keep my problems to myself around Katrin, because she has this condition where she cackles until I'm forced to violence. I ended up having to explain my embarrassing situation since she wouldn't pick me up with out details ( my sister, bless her heart cause I'm gonna hurt her, has not been answering my calls). I say Katrin's a dirty bitch who thrives off the pain of helpless sexy people. Anyway, she feels I should know how funny she finds my pain by laughing until her eyes tear up. Again, she is a dirty unsexy bitch. She's just lucky I'm slightly afraid of her or I'd hit her again.

"So, how long has this been, urm,going on?" I could tell she was at least trying not to laugh, so I fixed her with a glare and continued my story.

"I don't know since we started dating, so about four months," How sadly unsexy is that?

"If you really want I'll kill him for you." Okay, she said that all deadly serious, it's a bit creepy.

I moved to put some space between me and the Katrin,and she started to laugh again. I feel so unsafe with this woman, I don't know many people who could drive while maintaining bipolar behaviors.

"You're so stupid." Excuse you, I am sexy and SMART! Rawr! I swear.

"You're really not charming me with the insults you know." This is why I never hang out with Katrin alone. (She's always hating on my sex appeal)

"Whatever Fred." And she calls me by that completely ugly name. Fred is a middle aged binge drinkers name, not mine.

"Katrin don't-"

"Fred you just need to assert yourself."

"I don't know how you would be an expert on sex advice for the gay man."(Maybe she's a gay man in disguise hehe!)

"Well, your obviously not doing it right." WHAT? I am perfect! I do every thing the right way! Everything.

"Whatever I don't want to talk about it."

"Now come on, I'm sorry alright?"She is smiling and I can just hear the insincerity.

"Katrin, just take me home and stop giving me advice. I can assure you I'm not the problem."

"Ooo, confident are we?"

"Please, Do you seriously know how sexy I am." Seriously, does she?

"What. Ever." I'm taking that as a yes.

Because I'm fucking sexy, so sexy that my boyfriend won't even screw me. Am I really that disgusting? I am aren't I. Wait! I'm totally sexy, what the hell am I thinking?!

"Fred!" Ah, that name!

"Yes Kat?"

" Don't call me that, and we're here. So get out of my car." Pfft. Whore.

"Bye Katrin."

"Mmm-hmm, I won't tell anyone." Crap, I hadn't even thought of that, this is total blackmailing material. Where is my 134 IQ when it's needed.

"Thank you." I reached out to hug her but she pointed past me to the door. She just ruins a touching moment like the skank she is!

I got out of the car and had just closed the door as Katrin sped out of my drive way. She's so unsafe to be around, I can't imagine how Darrin has survived, she broke his arms once while we were ice skating, he didn't even cry. I would have cried.

I walked into my house and was greeted with the sound of loud laughter and my mother angrily killing some poor vegetables with her favorite knife. That's her form of stress release, and she is a fear inspiring sight to behold. Like a vengeful goddess I can just imagine the wind whipping her hair around in a visible display of her fury. I tried to sneak past her and to my room, but she saw me and swung the knife down so it stood up on it's own in the chopping board.

"Fredrick! where have you been? I need help! Your sister decided spontaneously she wanted to have friends over for dinner, I would kill her, but their are too many witnesses. Get in this kitchen!" I was dragged forward and shoved towards the sink, " Wash your hands, and put this on."

A white apron was tossed at my head, hitting me in the face before I caught it. Ouch, okay that stings. I slipped on the apron and washed my hands under warm water.

"Okay, I'm making the roast, so you get started on the appetizers. Hurry! Turn the crab cakes and set up the crackers, drinks, plates, silverware, dishes!"

"Mom! Calm down, please. You're making me panic!" We took a deep breath together and I picked up the prongs and flipped the crab-cakes in the pan.

Which reminded me of how fucking hungry I was, since I didn't get to eat my lunch, Fucking Katrin! My mom went back to chopping carrots for the roast and I let my mind drift as I set up dishes of appetizers. I vaguely registered that I'd just been recruited to cater to my sister's friends, I'll hurt her later, even sexy people have to work. I wonder how many tiny avocado slices can fit on one cracker?

"Fredrick! Stop that!"

" Um? Oh, Sorry." I separated my little avocado tower.

"You're acting a bit strange what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Who exactly am I making this food for?" Smooth subject change, huh?

"I don't know some kids your sister brought home for me to feed. Like I don't have to go to work in two hours, ungrateful . . . " Successfully diverted. Now I can commence with ignoring her.

I finished plating the appetizers and set the crab-cakes to rest. Taking off my apron I hung it on the wall peg by the pantry and left the kitchen before my mother could find other uses for me. I headed up to my room away from where the laughter of Franchesca and her friends was coming. Firstly because I hated my sister's friends, secondly I was not about to be seen in the same outfit I wore this morning, and thirdly I need a shower. Badly.

I entered my room closing the door behind me before I stripped and tossed all my clothes on top of the closed hamper, being that I am too lazy to open it. I wrapped a towel around my waist, (shameful to be hiding all this sexy) and stepped into the hall. Showers are my favorite parts of the day, I get to be in all my naked glory and be lathered in things that smell good. I swear when I get my own house I'm walking around nude. NUUUDITAAY!

"What the hell are you doing?" I secured the towel quickly around my waist. I swear people appear at the most inconvenitent times.

"Nothing." And I'm sticking to that answer.

"Well, okay then, maybe you should do nothing in more private settings. Where people can't see your ass." Wait I recognize that sneering tone.

I turned and faced my enemy. Jackie, my sister's best friend, and Queen of the Nasty Bitches, she was the one who told the entire school of my homosexuality.

"Fuck off Jack, I don't have time for you."

"Right, your busy, being gay." Sneer, sneer, sneer, it was starting to sound like she was snorting at me.

"Exactly." I walked to the bathroom making sure to flash a good amount of ass. Take that bitch!

I closed to door and looked in the mirror. I looked like shit. (Oh, the inhumanity) My hair was a messed of blond on top of my head and carefully applied eyeliner was smugged across the bridge of my nose. How dare my mother not mention this to me! I rubbed at my face, which was the perfect match to how my day went, and sighed. Why must life suck so much?

Wait, what? Why am I being so melodramatic. It's not sexy.

I glared at my reflection in the mirror, Taking in the profile of my naked body. The way my hips jutted out and accented the curve of my thighs, the concave dip of my belly, the shadowed bones of my ribs, the thin muscles on my arms and the length of my neck. What was wrong with me? Nothing. I looked into my makeup smugged eyes. Nothing. You are orgasmic you sexy beast, don't deny it.

I turned away from my own concerned pout, got in the shower, and tried to scrub away the disturbing doubts with my melon lime scrub.

"Fredrick!" I jumped and poked my self in the eye with a finger that was covered in soap, which explains my shriek of pure pain.

"MY, FUCKING SEXY BLUE EYES!" I curse the person on the other side of that door!

"Fredrick?"

"What the fucking hell do you want?! "

"Your mom sent me to tell you diners ready." I sent a glare of doom to the closed door.

"Oh, if that's the case let me get my naked ass out of this shower this instant." I said sarcasm dripping from every word.

"I wouldn't complain." Freak.

"Piss off!"

Silence.

What the hell is wrong with my sister's friends?

I continued my shower assuming the asshole had gone away.

"Dude, are you getting out?" Fuck this!

I turned off the water and grabbed my towel, flinging open the door before I wrapped it around my middle.

"I will beat you within an inch of your life if you don't disappear before my eyes." I stared at a lanky imitation of a goth boy.

"You just flashed me. I think you've ruined my eye sight." The boy rubbed his eyes for dramatic effect.

"What the hell do you expect I was just nakedly taking a shower!"

"You shower without clothes?" He asked eyes widening impossibly, "That's so genius! I should try that."

"You're a bit lost aren't you, The hospital is two miles down the street, go back to the phsyc-ward."

"Oh, only if you hold my hand."

"Who the fuck are you?" I questioned ignoring the outstretched hand.

"I'm Wren."

"Kay, Wren honey, I am naked and wet and pissed so unless you want me to cut you, go away." He stood there for a minute and pondered.

"Cut me with what exactly?"

"Bitch leave!"

"I'd rather not the other company is rather dull."

"Do what you want." I pushed past him and went over to my room, before I could slam the door with a dramatic finality the boy slipped past me and into my room.

"Oh, cool, this room is sweet."

I stared open mouthed at my door. How dare you fail me? I made a note to slam it more often.

"I wonder what's under here ?" I heard as I spun around.

I watched the boy (more like his ass) Digging under my bed. Who the fuck goes under someone's bed when they first enter a room.

"Why, are you such a pain in the ass?"

"I live to push the buttons of others . . . is this porn?"

"Get out from under there!"

"Oh, but this is the best place to find the porn."

He wasn't going to move with out physical persuasion and I wasn't going to touch him with out clothes. So I marched past him and hurriedly searched my drawers for boxers, I found a some and pulled them on without looking.

"Oh, what's this box?" Oh, shit!

I ran over to Wren, pulling him out from under my bed trying to pin his flailing body to the floor.

"Haha- it must be good." He said panting as he worked to push me off him.

"Put it down! Shit!"

I was roughly shoved to the side before I could grab the box, and the stupid fucking nimble bastard, jumped up and threw the door to my room open, running out into the hall.

My heart dropped into my belly as I tried to get up and chase him, he was running down the stairs by the time I got into the hall.

"Stop! Shit!" I ran after him jumping the stairs two at a time almost breaking my face as I tripped. I saw a flash of black goth clothing disappear into the sitting room and I followed. He was just realizing the sitting room only had one exit as I entered the room, he turned back to me and smiled.

"I will break your face bitch!" I screamed indignantly.

"You'd have to catch me first!" He stuck out is tongue, I swear if he was closer I'd kill his face.

"Give it back to me you dirty unsexy WHORE!"

"Ah, hahaha! if you can't get it you don't want it!" I clenched and unclenched my fists, as I prepared to whoop ass and look sexy while doing it.

The Wren was staring at me panting from the exhaustion of running around my sitting room. He just gave me a lop-sided smile.

"Green Care Bears?" WHAT?! He pointed to my boxers. Fucking asshole! What the fucking hell?!

I growled at him, pissed, and don't make me say it, because I am not embarrassed. I love Good Luck Bear, so screw you. Unsexy smug bitch how dare he?!

"So, what are you hiding in this box that's making you so jumpy?" He curled his fingers around the lid and my heart was stopping in my chest.

Fuck! Shit! Fuck, NO! . . . He's gonna open it, I'm gonna die, and then . . . they're are going to laugh at my funeral.

Quick Shot Review Replies . . . of DEATH!! dun Dun DUN!

Quitessence-x! Love you, you rock, I fixed the mistake! Whoots!

pandaXrobots! When you said Freddy was annoying I was like Ouch, cause he's just like me, but then you said you liked him and I hugged my computer.

Lucifer's Retarded Twin Sister! Oh, since you didn't get your fast update tell me what you want updated next, I shall get on with the updating of it.

She Crys With No way Out! Falls sexily at your feet! I have no idea how one goes about falling sexily but I've tried. NOW RAVISH ME!

soulsucker! Whore you have a Fredrick! Her name is Amy! What's up with that? Oh and you better sex me or you get no . . . Wait. You own me. I'll just go sit in the corner, the basement's kinda drafty can you give me some blankets maybe?

Born Restless! Ohmeegee! Thankies! ( loves on you)

Dust Mowt! Long reviews, my weakness! But you have to stop lusting after my characters. Am I not enough for you?! Harmony is Ace, You'll see her again next chappie. Well I'm tried of typing now, so I must go.