“No, don’t give me this crap again.” She spat angrily, “I’m sick and tired of trying when I know it’s going no where.”

“You know you don’t mean that.” He said, taking her in his arms and bringing her close to him. They stayed in each other’s arms for a moment before she viciously ripped herself away.

“No.” She said, breathing heavily, “I told you, I’m not trying anymore.”

“Give me a chance.” He begged, forcing her to look into his bright green eyes. She held his gaze, unable to look away from his eyes, the eyes she had fallen in love with.

“This always happens.” She said, “Every time it’s the same.”

“Don’t say that.” He whispered hoarsely, “This time will be different, I promise.”

“How can I trust you?” She said, “You said that last time and here we are again.”

“I know I’ve messed up before.” He said softly, “I can’t lose you, and you know that. You know I wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Then why do you always hurt me?” She said, her bottom lip quivering.

“I-”

“Do I want to hear this answer?” She said, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“She didn’t mean anything to me, it was stupid.” He said, raising a hand to her cheek to wipe away the tear. Before he had even touched her, she slapped his hand away.

“It will never be the same.” She said, “There’s nothing I can do but picture you and her together… It completely rips me apart, you don’t understand.”

He wanted to take her into his arms and hold her until she forgave him, he wanted to stroke her beautiful hair and kiss her soft lips, but instead he could only stand a few feet away and look at her with nothing but remorse.

“I’m sorry.” He said, “I’m so sorry.”

“How am I supposed to believe you?” She cried, more tears escaping from her eyes.

“You have to trust me,” He said, his features hardening, “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Then why did you sleep with her?” She cried, “Why would you do that? How could you do that?”

“I don’t know.” He said, bringing his hands to his head, “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Did you expect me not to find out?” She said, “I mean, for Christ’s sake, you could have told me yourself. Instead I had to find out from-”

“I didn’t want to lose you.” He said, reaching for her small hand, her small hand that fit so perfectly in his. She whipped it away from his grasp and looked at him with the hurt still present in her blue eyes.

“Please don’t go.” He implored.

“If you don’t want me to go, then maybe you shouldn’t have hurt me.” She said, gathering her things and shooting him one last pained look.

And then she was gone.

x

She hated it when he smoked, he thought, as he took a long drag. Why was he even smoking this cigarette? He didn’t get anything out of it anymore, it was just a bad smell on his clothes and yellow stains on his fingers. She was gone, and now his apartment didn’t feel whole. That couch that was perfect for two now only held one. The sheets on the bed that they had shared for so long had been replaced with smaller ones only for him. Every trace of her she had taken when she had left, and now it was like she had never existed at all.

He hadn’t tried calling her, because he didn’t know what was left to say. What could he tell her? She would just accuse him of lying again, and tell him to leave her alone. He hadn’t even caught sight of her since she had left; it was like she had vanished off the face of the earth. She used to go to her favorite coffee shop on third once a week, but no matter how many times he went, she was never there. Although he had seen her friends they had given him a quick, uncomfortable wave and made themselves sparse almost instantly.

He had royally fucked up this time and there was nothing left to do but smoke this filthy cigarette.