Confusuion. One word,

Three syllables long,

Nine letters. Just nine letters

To define the swirling

Agonising mental torment

That seems to take over my mind

Every time I close my eyes.

On one hand, my life is perfect,

I’ve reasonable marks, wonderful

Parents, an amazing boyfriend, but...

That air of discontent still lingers,

The depression I was supposed to

Have buried long ago still lives.

All my passion to change the world

The beliefs I thought were dead

Reignited by empty words, by assumptions

Made without basis in fact

That you uttered so confidently to me.

I don’t think you’ve realised what you’ve done,

The equivalent of ripping away my

Solid footing, stealing my sanity and

Cruelly forcing me to question

The path I’m taking and the

Consequences of giving up my dreams

In the constant search for realism.

And then there’s you, oh god,

The most confusing person I’ve ever met.

The most handsome, the kindest...

So many superlatives associated

With your very presence and every

Emotion that goes through me head when

I see you, I talk to you, I think of you.

I hate the way I never know

What you’re thinking, what you want.

I hate the way you make me promise

To do stupid things like talk

About the feelings running through my mind

When they don’t matter, and you don’t

Realise that the more pressure you apply

The more I baulk at getting closer to you.

I can deal with the physical side,

It’s not that hard to straddle you and

Make you want to take me then and there.

But I can’t just open up

Because you’re in the mood for a deep and meaningful

Not when I haven’t even finished thinking things through

Let alone even considered processing them.

The more you push the issue, the more

You’re pushing me away.

Maybe this wasn’t meant to work.

Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship.

I don’t want to let you go

Bt I’m realising that this isn’t worth the confusion.