They say that you always remember your first

They say that you always remember your first.

I know that I’ll never forget mine – but, truth be told, there is nothing I’d rather do then forget. See, unlike other people’s ‘firsts’, mine has haunted me ever since – and will haunt me forever more.

I remember his eyes – small, beady, cold. Almost bird – like.

I never have liked birds.

It was 1999. He was 21, an apprentice Chef at our family restaurant. Me, an innocent 18 year old school girl, a daring dreamer filled with silly hopes for the future. I worked as a waitress at the restaurant after school, on weekends: both day and night: desperately saving for University.

I could care less about guys. I knew I was attractive, with waist length brown hair, soft facial features, appropriately rounded breasts, complimentary curves and long, shapely legs- but I was dead focused on building my career as a physiotherapist. Boyfriends were a luxury I could not afford to have.

But Jamie Salt changed all that.

Graduation was coming up, and Jamie and I got on so well that I thought nothing of asking him. You’d think that would have meant he would have tried to put the moves on me, but he didn’t. He was a perfect gentleman.

That didn’t stop all the other girls from putting the moves on him, though.

But they didn’t stand a chance. He later told me that he’d only had eyes for me.

We had fun together over the holidays, growing closer everyday. But still he did not make a move. He respected me – a foreign concept to me after hearing tales of friends’ boyfriends moving in for a bit of kiss and tell at every available opportunity.

When I started University the following year, Jamie drove the two hour trip every weekend – just to see me. Every night we’d spend hours on the phone to each other – me, still trying to convince myself that we were still ‘just friends’.

After a time, though, I began to feel things I’d never felt before. I was falling in love with him.

As I’m sure every woman who has ever been in love will contend to, that warm fuzzy feeling can make you focus on the smallest details to which you had never paid much attention to before. As such, the very next day after I made my shocking revelation – and quite possibly the worst mistake of my life – I went to the hairdresser and got a shorter style (I’d read in Cleo that chicks with shorter hair were move exciting and adventurous in bed), invested in only the newest and sexiest fashions (my credit rating will never be the same again) and spent a fortune on erotic fiction, and books such as Ways to Set His Thighs On Fire (which I recently, and very generously, donated to the local Church fate. Even God can appreciate a little irony now and then).

Our emotional and physical relationship was intense from the start. There were times we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and there were times when all we did was talk for hours. We understood each other like no one else had – or could. Our love was true. Deep.

Hey! I was eighteen. And he was my first. I had every right to act like a hopeless romantic.

Looking back and assessing the intensity of our relationship, it was no surprise that it ended pretty quickly. I was young, naïve, unexperienced: I wasn’t ready for a life – long commitment, which he demanded of me not long after we got together.

I backed off, turning my focus on my studies, which IU had been neglecting. James seemed to understand, telling me that he wanted me to follow my dreams, and somewhat reluctantly gave me a bit of space.

Playing the field is a young woman’s privilege – nay, a right. And, as I said, I wasn’t exactly ugly, so it was really only a matter of time before I learnt to flaunt it, and I found myself on the receiving end of glances of approval from guys.

There was a guy, Mike, in my physics class who I sat next to in lectures, and studied with on weekends. He was cute, sweet…and he asked me out.

It should have been Jamie’s and my ten – month anniversary. But the day before, I broke it off with him. I’d felt bored. Drained. As if being with Jamie held me back from achieving my goals and dreams.

That was my second mistake.

Mike and I got involved. But it was nothing like being with Jamie. It was gently, sweet, and….easy. There was no pressure, no intensity (well, apart from the minimal requirement). Just a lot of freedom. It was easier to be myself around Mike. For a while, life seemed to be going smoothly.

Then Jamie became obsessed.

First, there were the flowers delivered to my room at exactly nine a.m every day. Then there were the midnight phone calls…and the letters. The letters were always the worst; him proclaiming his undying love for me, insisting that we belonged together – and that someday, sooner or later, we would be. He refused to let go.

I became scared, but resolved to keep the threats, the promises, to myself. If he did anything, I didn’t want to risk anything happening to my family. I wanted so bad to protect them.

Little did I know I was putting them in more danger.

Christmas Eve, 2000 was the day that changed my life forever.

I was going home for a couple of days before driving up the Coast with Jenny Black and Charlotte Brennan, two of my friends from Uni.

When I got home, the house was dark, and smelt as if it had been shut up for a couple of days, at least. After opening up the house, and discovering no-one at home, I went to the restaurant.

It was locked.

I made a couple of phone calls before officially growing panicked. The neighbour, Mrs Massey, hadn’t seen my parents in weeks, and Jennifer Hicksville, a waitress at the restaurant, hadn’t worked for at least a week.

I let myself into the restaurant that had always been such a huge part of my life.

I never wanted to see that place again.

The confronting scene was bloody. Blood was on the floor, the walls, the counter…It was everywhere. But the kitchen was the worst.

Pots, pans, plates and food scrapes littered the floor. Shards of glass crunched underfoot as I slowly make my way into the kitchen, my nose wrinkling in distaste at the rotten stench which filled the air.

It smelled like death. And all of a sudden I knew…even before I saw the bodies.

My parents were dead, and a part of me died with them. I blamed myself.

If only that were my only problem.

I was forced to confess to the police my problems with Jamie, and was asked to stay in town for at least two months in order to help police conduct a thorough investigation, which involved a widespread manhunt for Jamie, their official prime suspect. But after two months it was determined that Jamie had disappeared.

When I finally returned to Uni, I packed up my stuff, because I need to take a break. I went to see Jenny and Charlotte, to explain.

That’s when I learned just how much trouble I was inn.

Jenny and Charlotte were dead. One night they went out to the campus bar, and when they came home, they were standing on the balcony, talking, when a man shot them both in the head at close range.

At least, that’s the story I heard from Anne Webb, Jenny’s dorm-mate from across the hall.

I was totally alone. I was pushing Mike away, afraid for his safety. He didn’t like it, but I think he respected it. I hope he did.

I still had those letters – and began getting them again when I first went back to the campus. After talking to the board, sourcing out my options, and making the necessary arrangements, I knew what I had to do.

I had to disappear.

Elizabeth Haze sat across from Beverly Martin at the bar, looking as gorgeous as ever while constantly scanning the dance floor for a prospective Mr. Right (or, at the very least, a Mr. Right Now.) However, so far none had succeeded in catching either of the girls’ eyes.

‘I hate men!’ Elizabeth exclaimed.
Beverly whipped around, startled. A beautiful woman such as Elizabeth hated men? Geez, I thought I had problems.
‘Why? What’d they do to you this time?’
With a flick of her hair and a quick wrist- movement, Elizabeth produced a piece of paper. ‘I went to the movies the other night, and a guy asked me out tomorrow night,’
Beverly unfolded the piece of paper. It had a name and a phone number. She glanced up at her friend. ‘Yeah, I can see where the problem is,’
Elizabeth sighed in exasperation. ‘I’ve arranged to see Tony tomorrow night,’

Oh. Now I understand. I don’t get enough dates; she double books. Life is so unfair. Not that Beverly wanted the hassle which came with dating – life was complicated enough even without involving men.
Beverly shrugged. ‘Just explain to Movie Man that you can’t make it for some reason or another- well, obviously not that you double booked him. But you do have to tell him – don’t stand him up. Just make a date for another night.’
Elizabeth looked at Beverly as if she clearly didn’t get her at all. ‘But I don’t want to go out with him. At all. And I don’t want to tell him.’
‘Then why’d you agree to go out with him in the first place?’ Beverly asked, bewildered.
Elizabeth shrugged. ‘He sounded like a nice guy who’d treat me well.’
Beverly sighed and shook her head. ‘That’s a great reason to go out with someone.’ She said sarcastically, before giving her friend a stern look. ‘You still have to tell him.’
Elizabeth sipped her Vodka Cruiser and looked up at her friend slyly, ‘I don’t suppose you could do it for me?’
‘Uh-uh. You got yourself into this mess, you’re going to have to get yourself out of it.’
Elizabeth pouted. ‘B-but…’
Beverly shook her head. ‘You wouldn’t do it for me- so I’m not going to do it for you. Besides, he asked you out, not me.’
Elizabeth flared up. ‘I would so do it for you!’
Beverly shrugged again. ‘Even so, it doesn’t matter, because more likely than not, you never will have…’
Suddenly that guy entered: Mr. Unavailable. He was a guy that Beverly had fallen head over heels for about six months ago. But after rejecting her, she’d force herself to get over him.

As Beverly stared, Mr Unavailable looked over at her, caught her gaze, and smiled. Beverly quickly averted his gaze.
Well, OK, she conceded. Maybe she wasn’t over him- she couldn’t keep her eyes off him.

Elizabeth noticed Beverly ’s sudden speech impediment and looked around. She spotted him. Mr. Wonderful, Mr. Drop-Dead-Gorgerous, Mr…
‘Loser Boy?’ Elizabeth supplied.
Yes, that too.
‘Honey, don’t even waste a second of your valuable time on that jerk. Like most guys, he doesn’t ever know when he’s staring something great straight in the face. Trust me, you’re so better off without him.’
That was so easy for Miss Do-You-Think-I’m-Sexy to say. She could get a date anywhere at anytime. Did Beverly not hold the very proof in her hot little hand?
‘Elizabeth , as your best friend and most trusted advisor, I demand that you call this guy and when you get back, we’ll celebrate with a round of the strongest alcoholic beverages we can order – on me.’
Elizabeth pouted and stared at Beverly, giving her the Evil Eye. Unfortunately, that didn’t work for Beverly, who just stared right back. After a few moments, Elizabeth sighed and stood up reluctantly.
‘OK, fine,’ she snapped, ‘but the next round is on you.’

Beverly watched as Elizabeth made her phone call, remembering what it was like to be confident and in total infactuation with someone, as Elizabeth so clearly was with Tony.

But like I said, Beverly thought to herself, you never forget your first.

Jamie had been the love of Beverly’s life- and he had betrayed her in the biggest, loudest and most public way ever. He took away everything, everyone, that she had loved. How was she ever supposed to get over that? More importantly, could she?

The worst was not knowing. It was true that she hadn’t heard from Jamie for almost nine years, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still out there, just waiting and watching. She shivered at the thought.

Beverly had moved to Winterland to escape, to create a new life, chart a new destiny. Everything that had seemed so important all those years ago meant nothing to her now- she was a completely different person. She shook her head. Nothing was going to change that. Nothing would ever threaten her life again; she’d make sure of it.

Orlando Dorrington had noticed much more of Beverley then she would have thought. He found her beautiful, kind, yet secretive. There was still a hint of who she used to be in her somewhere, but mostly she had changed for the better. She had grown up, which suited Orlando much better.

‘She’s fine, isn’t she?’ his friend, Tristan Leenheart, commented as the men sat down on their stools.

‘She is,’ Orlando agreed, watching her intently as her friend came back. ‘Her friend isn’t bad, either.’

‘Elizabeth?’ Tristan nodded in agreement. ‘She is hot, but she’s a tease, Orlando, and doesn’t exactly have the best reputation.’

‘She gets around?’ Orlando inquired, worriedly. If she was a bad influence, this was a bad acquaintance indeed.

‘Not exactly,’ Tristan said, sipping his beer. ‘She’s just a big flirt, but won’t give any, if you know what I mean.’

Orlando understood, and glanced over at Elizabeth. ‘I see what you mean,’ he said, resolved to make things right.

Almost as if she felt his eyes on her, Elizabeth turned and looked straight into Orlando’s eyes. He lifted his glass to her and smiled half- heartedly. He was going to get himself some of that.

A week later, Beverly met Elizabeth for lunch.

‘He told me he loved me,’ Elizabeth announced when Beverly sat down across from her at a table in the local park. It didn’t take long for Beverly to guess who ‘he’ was.

‘Tony?’ she asked- just to make sure.

After seeing Tony earlier in the week, the couple had been going out every single night for the past five days. It turned out that Tony was the guy most unlikely to melt Elizabeth’s heart, as he was everything she had claimed she wasn’t looking for – for a start, he was Elizabeth’s age. She’d always claimed that she went for older men.

Elizabeth’s dopey grin stretched across her face, lighting up her entire face. It really is amazing to discover what a difference a permanent stick-on smile can make to one’s face. Sometimes it just gets sickening.
Beverly smiled happily. She loved that Elizabeth was so happy - only now she knew that there was no way she’d ever hear the end of this fairytale. ‘What did you say?’
Elizabeth explained how she told Mr. Right (Now?) that she wasn’t ready to commit herself by saying such things, because she didn’t believe in saying something she didn’t mean – yet.
‘He’s just so nice, Beverly – I keep expecting to wake up and find this all a dream; a wonderfully romantic dream- but an unrealistic reality.’
Beverly fell silent for a while, lost in thought. ‘You got a good one, all right.’

This is crap.

Beverly had been waiting in the queue for the past twenty minutes, having gone through both the Cleo and Cosmo magazines with a tooth comb. It was severely cold in the store, and all she was wearing was a tank top with a short skirt and ankle boots. No one would guess that it was the middle of summer.
‘Excuse me,’ a male voice interrupted.

As Beverly turned towards the voice, a long, tan arm blocked her view. Beverly watched, transfixed, as the toned arm reaches for a copy of Ralph.
Without looking too obvious, she casually glanced over her shoulder, her breath catching in her throat.
Beverly was looking at possibly the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen. Not that he was at all like a Johnny Depp replica, but Beverly couldn’t seem to look away.
Then he smiled, and Beverly was smitten. She wanted to say something, but couldn’t find words. Instead she smiled back.
‘You have a beautiful smile,’ he complimented her.
Beverly’s smile unconsciously widened. ‘Thanks.’
The beautifully rugged stranger extended his hand. ‘Tim,’
Beverly grasped it eagerly. His hand was strong, providing a (false?) sense of security. ‘Beverly.’

Orlando had been following Beverly and Elizabeth around all week- not that he had let on, of course. He had been biding his time – but now, seeing her with another guy made his realise- he had to act fast. This could get very ugly.

‘Hey, Liz.’ Orlando said, striding up to the counter of the bakery where Elizabeth worked. She raised her head, and Orlando was taken aback when her noticed the tears in her eyes and hew sodden cheeks.

‘What do you want?’ she demanded hotly.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked, feigning concern. This could help him a lot, if he played his cards right.

Elizabeth sniffed. ‘No,’ she snapped. ‘I’m not. My heart is broken.’

‘Now, where have I heard that line before?’ Orlando said. ‘Did some creep break up with you.’

Elizabeth sniffled. ‘Not “some creep”, you idiot! Just the love of my life!’

Orlando rolled his eyes. ‘Oh, please. Don’t tell me you actually believed him when he told you that he loved you!’

Elizabeth stopped snuffling. ‘How did you know?’

Oh, bugger. He just screwed up. Orlando hastened to cover his tracks. ‘Of course he would have said that, all guys do- but they never mean it.’

Elizabeth pursed her lips. ‘You can say that again.’

Phew, that was a close one. ‘Hey, do you want to get together after work, catch a movie or something? Nothing too lovey- dovey, promise.’

A slow smile crept across Elizabeth’s face. ‘Sounds like a plan,’

Tim smiled at Beverly once again and she felt her knees go weak. Beverly found herself literally unable to move her feet. They had just come back from coffee, and now stood in front of the bakery shop where Elizabeth worked.
‘Well, I had a nice time. We really should catch up again.’
Oh, shit. That’s code for ‘I had a nice time, but it’ll never happen again.’
Beverly gulped back the fear and instantly regretted all the time she wasted playing he field. It was ludicrous- Beverly had known this guy three hours and she felt like she wanted to spend a lifetime with him.
Elizabeth had a lot to answer for.
Then a surprising thing happened.
Tim leant in a kissed Beverly gently on the lips.
When they drifted apart, Beverly found a scrunched up piece of paper in her hand and a feeling. She didn’t know what to call it, but it felt like this was just the beginning. Or was she really going crazy?
Looking into his eyes, Beverly knew she wasn’t. She could see that he didn’t want to leave things like this, he wanted more. But he restrained, backing away slowly.
‘Call me,’ he said.

Beverly watched him leave and smiled to herself. To think she’d actually believed Elizabeth when she said that Beverly didn’t know about love.
She knew what love is.
It just…is.
And perhaps it just was.

Just then, her mobile beeped. It was a message from Elizabeth, and it had just one word: HELP!

Beverly felt her heart pound. Maybe this was a prank- Elizabeth was known to over exaggerate any kind of situation. But Beverly couldn’t explain it; she just felt it. A sense of danger. With a sinking heart, Beverly bit her lip. He’s back.

Elizabeth’s boss had told Beverly that Liz had left with some guy after her shift. She’d said something about going to a movie, so Beverly had jumped in her car and sped to the other side of town where the movie theatre was. The movie was just about half way through, but no one would let Beverly in. She rang her friend’s mobile, saying a silent pray to the man upstairs. She couldn’t lose anyone else in this lifetime- she didn’t think that she could survive it.

The theme of Elizabeth’s favourite TV show, Beverly Hills 90210 drifted through the walls to Beverly’s ears. Her heart skipped a beat as his voice came on the phone.

‘Hello, Belinda. Or should I say Beverly?’ Jamie Salt taunted her with a chilling laugh.

A muffled voice was barely audible from the other end. ‘Bev, it’s Orlando!’

‘I know, Liz.’ Beverly said in attempt to reassure her friend. ‘I can tell,’ As she spoke to Elizabeth, Beverly followed a hunch and headed back out the front doors. ‘Jamie, why are you doing this?’

‘Because I love you, Bev. And this girl is a very bad influence on you, you just can’t tell.’

Beverly turned the corner between the theatre and a building sight and lowered her phone. ‘Get away from her, Jamie.’

Elizabeth looked at Beverly in confusion, but Beverly just shook her head. It wasn’t exactly time for explanations.

‘No,’ Jamie / Orlando said stubbornly. ‘Can’t you see why I’m doing this, Belinda? I want to be with you- that’s all that I have ever wanted.’

‘You didn’t have to kill my parents. Or my friends. I loved you, Jamie, but…we just grew apart.’

‘No.’ Jamie repeated more firmly. ‘You were poisoned. They tried to take you away from me. Don’t you see? I had to kill them.’

Beverly felt tears welling behind her eyes and shook her head. ‘No, you didn’t. You had to accept that what we had was over. I didn’t love you anymore.’

For a moment, Jamie’s face fell and he paled. Then he shook his head angrily and pulled a knife out of his back pocket and put it to Elizabeth’s neck. Elizabeth squeaked. ‘You’re lying!’

Beverly’s legs began to tremble and she bit her lip. ‘No, I’m not. Jamie- please. Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this!’

‘Yes I do.’ Jamie said, tightening his grip on Elizabeth. ‘It’s the only way for us to be together.’

Beverly panicked as she watched Jamie’s knife press harder against her friend’s neck. Without thinking, she let out a scream and dive- tackled Elizabeth, dragging her to the ground. Rolling to face Jamie, who was still a bit slow on the uptake, she raised her leg and kicked him hard in the stomach. He fell backwards with a thud against the wall and then slid to the ground in disbelief.

Beverly scrambled to her feet, pulling Elizabeth along with her. The words didn’t need to be spoken as she pushed her friend in front of her. Elizabeth ran full pelt into the movie theatre for help.

‘Bitch!’ Jamie grabbed at Beverly’s ankle and, caught off guard, she slammed into the wall. As she fell to the ground, Jamie climbed on-top of her and pressed the knife against her neck.

‘I love you,’ he said. ‘And we will be together.’

‘Oh, please.’ Beverly managed to grunt, rolling her eyes. ‘Don’t go all Romeo and Juliet on me.’

Confused, Jamie rose an inch away from her, and, as the knife left her throat, Beverly brought her knee to his groin. Moaning in pain, he rolled off her just as Elizabeth rounded the corner. ‘The police are on they’re way.’

Elizabeth didn’t know anything about her best friends’ past, so, as the girls watched Jamie being read his rights as a policeman forced Jamie into the car, Beverly told Elizabeth everything, with long pauses in between as she struggled to keep her emotions at bay.

‘Wow,’ Elizabeth breathed when Beverly had finished. ‘You really have been to Hell and back.’

‘Yeah,’ Beverly agreed as she watched with satisfaction as the door slammed shut on her past demons. ‘But now, hopefully, I can get on with my life.’

The policeman turned to the girls, and Beverly gasped. ‘Tim!’

‘Beverly,’ Tim returned in surprise. ‘Are you OK? What happened?’

Beverly drew in a deep breath. ‘Oh, it’s a long story.’