Single City Single City

These days, there is so much emphasis put on the single people say it’s good to enjoy their freedom, others say it’s too much freedom…

There are good and bads about the single life, just like there are pros and cons for everything else in life. Sometimes, I admit, it’s hard to constantly focus on the positives of being single, particularly when you are walking down the street and see all those loovey doovey couples strolling along hand in hand – sickening, isn’t it?

Well, to be truthful, I can’t really say that – because that’s what I’d like at one stage in my life- something every single person dreams of, realistically.

Looking through the titles of the books lining the shelves of the bookstore, I was amazed to read titles such as ‘How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You’, ‘Love Smart’ and ‘How to keep a Man in Love with You Forever’, among many others.

Apparently, looking for love, keeping love and loosing love are greater concern to many of us then others realise.

I’m young and single, with the frame of mind that no guy will ever take an interest in me. I know that I am not alone, but I never imagined I’d be accompanied by as many as there appears to be.

I’m thinking that love and true crime are possibly the biggest novel selling genres of the decade, if not longer.

Talk about going from one extreme to the next.

While religiously addictive shows such as Sex and the City and Footballer’s Wives demonstrate a woman’s extensive power, whether as a single gal or a loved up chick, the mystical realms within the land of television can only disillusion us for so long.

In reality, the life of a single gal ain’t so glamorous- we work (or try), friends move, bars are filled with the drunken and often violent breed and it’s very unlikely that we’ll literally bump into the man of our dreams while walking down the main street.

The chances of finding Mr Right seems as likely as winning the lottery (even a Mr Right Now in some cases).

In Australia, there have been many declarations that single women live in a man drought. But is it possible that men could be saying the same thing about women? Or could it just be a case of being in the right place at the right time?

The Looks Debate

This is the most infuriating aspect of dating, I have to say. In no way am I saying I’m drop – dead gorgeous (realistically, I think the only people who could say that would be supermodels, but what happens when they wake up to fit that big zit on their chin, hey? Oh how I wish…) because I know that I am a long way off it.

But it really is a vicious circle. I don’t think women or men realise it.

Women think men only go for the Angelina Jolie look alikes, and men think women go for the Johnny Depp look alikes (face it, the days of fantasising over Brad Pitt are long gone). But no one realises that looks aren’t what each other is looking for. OK, well of course they help…on first impression. But come on, I’ve had four guys hit on me in the past year, and I have a disability. If you think you have something to worry about…you really got nothin’.

Pretty much all of the men and women that I meet and talk to say that all they are looking for in a mate is someone they can have fun with, relax with…and if you don’t believe me, ask them.

It’s true. If only we could get past that first – impressions stage, we’d have no trouble at all. There are so many sources out there telling us that the first impression is everything. That’s probably true, granted. But I really think it has more to do with the conversation, and how many times the girls bat their eyelids, rather then how low your top is, or how good you smell.

It’s a shame, really – we all love to focus on the materialistic things, and we forget the things that really matter.

Singles vs Couples
It’s the same old feud. The question of how is happier – the single woman or the woman who believes that she has met the man of her dreams?

Verdict
Neither is happier.

The Case
Happiness comes from within. Single or coupled, lover or loner, can be just as happy or as miserable as the other. Because it comes from within the individual. In fact, it is the essential ingrediant to a healthy and successful relationship – that is, to be happy within yourself.

Friday Night
There are some nights where we just want to lay in bed and catch re-runs of Sex and the City. We can hardly do that with a man around- not exactly a masculine dose of entertainment.
If a couple were laying low for a night, it’d either be to watch the entire Star Wars trilogy (yawn) or find other extra- curriculm activities.
But it’s not like we singles can’t find our own satisfaction.

Saturday Night
This little chicky remembers a time not too long ago when Saturday night was THE night to party. Is it still that way now?It was the night when singles used to hit the town in hopes of getting lucky or just hang out with their friends.
On the other hand, couples would either go out to dinner and then a movie – OK, OK, it is a chance to get dressed up, but there’s no reason you can’t get all dolled up for your girlriends- or out to the clubs and pubs to parade their partners around like some kind of Nobel Prize.

The Result
Whether spending this weekend alone or with your partner, there is always a chance of happiness. It can be guarenteed that no-one enjoys happiness all the time. Again, happiness comes from within whether or not there is a significant other in the backdrop. What is Love?

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self – seeking, it is not easily angered and does not keep record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.’

That’s a great definition of love – truly inspirational stuff. But honestly, who takes notice?

Love is the thing fairytales are made of – Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin and Jasmine, Beauty and the Beast…the list goes on. Even people who should know better base their great works on love- Shakespear as a prime example.

But the only thing we learn from these reliable – or unreliable – sources is that love is supposed to be great. Beautiful…the source of life. The centre of life.

But, see, the jelly – belly (or leggy) feelings that you’re supposed to get can only truly happen after you find love. That is by no means an easy task.

Friends and family members can fool you all they want by saying how great the single life is, and how they’re quite content to be by themselves for the rest of their lives.

But the reality is, they’re not.

Ever heard of the Beatles song ‘All you need is Love?’ Well, that era was way before my time, but the concept is as true in today’s society as it ever was.

Unfortunately, though, some people find it easier to find then others – for whatever reason.

My opinion? Love is bull. It’s painful and scary. It has the ability to hurt in unimaginable ways. Anyone who believes otherwise is either lucky or stupid.

Because the truth of it is, love seems to be only for the lucky and beautiful ones.

People may ask, why are you writing a story about love? I mean, if you don’t believe it’s out there? Well, I’m writing this to try to convince myself otherwise. Do you think it’s a topic I’m overly excited about? Trust me, I’d much rather be delving into the inner workings of the sick and twisted mind of a sadistic serial killer.

Beauty Sells
I'm no pessimist. I'm not biased, either. I just see it like it is. And believe me, it's all beauty and glamour.
How many times have we all heard the saying 'Beauty comes from within' or 'It's what's on the inside that counts'?
Hate to break it to you, ladies – but it's all one big fat lie. Beauty sells.
As much as we'd like to believe otherwise, when it comes to the 'Big' stuff, such as guys, celebrities and pageants, its all about looks.
Guys will often choose the body over the brains. When have you seen a movie or a TV show with a woman or guy in the lead who is much less then good looking? And have you ever heard of a 'Smarts' pageant? I don't think so!
Why does everyone think chicks prance around in those tiny shorts, or the latest fashions that Mischa, Hilary and Jennifer have been wearing? Not just because they're 'in' – because the pretty girls in the pretty clothes are the ones that get the guys, the shoot, or the medal! Duh!
I know the benefits of make – up and air- brushing, but do you really think all that demonic ass- kicking did nothing for Sarah Michelle Gellar's figure? Don't get me wrong- I have nothing against Buffy- I think she's great! I own the whole series (so proud!)
But really, why do normal chicks need to act and dress like celebrities to feel good, be accepted and get where and what we want? Why can't we just be ourselves?

I’ll tell you why – it’s because we so desperately want to feel wanted, accepted…whether it be in a friendly relationship or a romantic relationship.

When I was in high school, it seemed just like it’s portrayed in the movies – the beautiful girls were always on top. It was unfair, but I guess that’s just life.

The Death of Romance

It's not so bad been single. Well, in general. However, it happens when you least expect it: on a Saturday night, when you accidently turn the TV onto a channel playing a tear jerking romantic comedy or tragedy (beware: Titanic is a definate no - no - try Sex and the City instead).

Other times, it can be just in a cafe, when you're sitting alone, one minute enjoying an absorbing novel of magazine and a double shot latter - the next, you find yourself looking at the love sick couples sitting around you, asking yourself why you haven't got what they've got. As is the way of life.

Me, I can't answer why. I'm single, often asking myself the same question. Well, apart from being away of the fact that I live in a very small town where it is, suprisingly, so hard to meet anyone.

If you're single in the city, you might be too busy for a relationship - work always seems to get in the way of everything, doesn't it? Or it could be that you can't seem to tear yourself away from the fictional romantic characters, like Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind or Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

However much we admire these romantic plots and storylines, life isn't like that. And I've also come to realise that guys expect us to do some of the chasing, girls - otherwise we'd be waiting a looonngg time for that special someone to come into our lives.

I know it's easier said then done, but instead of sitting around and wondering why, we have to go out and make these things happen. In real life, too, not just in cyberspace.

Ok, errrr...Any ideas?

The Domineering Game

In every relationship I observe, there is always a domineering party; and ninety nine per cent of the time, it’s the male.

It’s obvious as to why; for th e past couple of centuries society has given men all the ropes. Equality amongst the sexes? Forget it.

While women have increasingly become more recognised as able beings, we still don’t have as much respect as men – and at the rate society is going, it’s doubful that we ever will.

By all means, it’s fine for men to take the ropes in the bedroom. Please don’t be shy – we like that. But when it comes to taking control over what we wear, what we spend, what we cook…How do you think we managed before we met you? We’re not larger – then – life Barbie Dolls, you know.

I mean, come on – some of us are more like Theresas and Christies.

But seriously, we do not need (or want, in some cases) men to overrule us in our own lives. Notice the word our.

Sure, we love you and want to be with you…but we also love ourselves. I know for sure that men don’t like it (again, in some cases) when women try to control they’re lives.

Haven’t you ever heard the cliché “Do unto others what you would have them do to you” or something like that?

Next time you hear it, do us ladies a favour – read between the lines.

Two Sides to Every Story…

This morning I was reading my favourite blog on the Internet:- Sam and the City. Ever since…Well, I really don’t know what got me interested in the topic of relationships, but for ages I’ve been carrying a little notebook around, jotting down ideas and opinions expressed by some.

However, it seems like there are two sides to every story.

For some reason, some people I know feel as if they need a guy around to make them feel special (without mentioning any names). I’ll admit that there are times when I feel like I just want a guy to cuddle up to infront of a warm fire….

OK, day dreaming here. Don’t mind me.

Anyways, after reading a thread on this blog, I realise that not every single woman feels like they need a guy to complete them.

I also found out that guys believe we are desperately trying too hard.

It really seems that no one can be satisfied.

Look at it this way. Guys say that we’re trying to hard, but when we don’t go out on the prowl, they complain that there are no single women around?

Can you say, contridiction?

Trust me, guys, there is nothing more a woman would rather do then go shopping, have a Vanilla Latte while immersed in a topical gossip session with her friend (or am I just talking for myself?) then chase after you lot of brutes; probably just set out to find some way of smashing our hearts into tiny little pieces anyway. I mean, hello, get over yourselves!

That “Lovely” Day…

Thankfully, it only comes once a year. It’s one day during the year when we singletons feel like killing ourselves – or our boasting workmates and friends, parading their gifts infront of our faces as if we needed another clue as to what everyone else seemed to have that we don’t have.

Have you caught on yet?

It’s Valentine’s Day.

I hate V Day. I guess it goes back to the legend which ends with St Valentine ending up in jail, falling in love, writing a final love letter yarda yarda yarda and then dying.

People often tell me that it’s so romantic. My reply is ‘What’s so romantic about being stuck in a hole underground?’

Yes, half of my resentment for V. Day comes from the fact that I’m single, and it’s the main day of the year where we feel so lonely and unloved.

But wait, there’s more.

The majourity of my resentment, however, comes from the fact that V Day is the one day of the year when lovers can proclaim their love for one another – at least, that’s how it seems when it’s proclaimed on every notice board.

Sorry, but what a load of crap.

I thought love was supposed to be something great that is shared between two people. So why is it only encouraged to be shown one day a year?

I remember when I was young, my mother would always make a point of saying ‘I love you’ to me every single day. Obviously not the same kind of love, but I grew up believing that if I was ever so lucky to find that special someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I would make a point of telling him that I loved him every single day. Why spend hundreds of dollars on flowers and choclates when three words is all it takes?

Remember how I was complaining previously that romance was dead?

Well the most romantic thing I keep telling my friends that a man could do for me would be to buy me a single rose and tell me that he loves me.

But, honestly, take that rose away and leave me with those three magic words…that’s all I need.

Forgetting to Love?

Bianca Dunwell is sitting next to me at the bar, looking as gorgeous as always as she scoops the local club area for a Mr. Right – or at least a Mr Right Now. In this town, I think she is dreaming.
I suppose I really can’t talk. I was fool enough to fall for possibly the best looking guy in town – and the most unavailable. I don’t know if he made himself unavailable, or if he was just unavailable to me. Either way, it didn’t really make any difference.
‘I hate men!’ Bianca exclaims.
I whip around, startled. A beautiful woman such as herself hated men? Geez, I thought I had problems.
‘Why? What’d they do to you this time?’
With a flick of her hair and a quick wrist- movement, Bianca produces a piece of paper.
‘I went to the movies the other night, and a guy asked me out tomorrow night,’
I unfold the piece of paper. It had a name and a phone number. I glance up at my friend. ‘Yeah, I can see where the problem is,’
Bianca sighs in exasperation. ‘I’ve arranged to see Tony tomorrow night,’
Oh. Now I understand. I don’t get enough dates; she double books. Life is so unfair. Not that I want dates.
I shrug. ‘Just explain to Movie Man that you can’t make it for some reason or another- well, obviously not that you double booked him. But you do have to tell him – don’t stand him up. Just make a date for another night,’
Bianca looks at me as if I clearly don’t get her at all. ‘But I don’t want to go out with him. At all. And I don’t want to tell him,’
‘Then why’d you agree to go out with him in the first place?’ I ask, bewildered.
Bianca shrugs ‘He sounded like a nice guy who’d treat me well,’
I sigh and shake my head. ‘Well, it doesn’t matter. You still have to tell him,’
Bianca sips her Vodka Cruiser and looks up at me slyly. ‘I don’t suppose you could do it for me?’
‘Uh-uh. You got yourself into this mess, you’re gonna have to get yourself out of it,’
Bianca pouts. ‘B-but,’
I shake my head. ‘You wouldn’t do it for me- so I’m not going to do it for you. Besides, he asked you out, not me.’
Bianca flares up. ‘I would so do it for you!’
I shrug again. ‘Even so, it doesn’t matter, because more likely then not, you never will have…’
Suddenly that guy enteres. Remember, Mr Unavailable?
‘…do….’
My mouth begins watering. He looks so damn hot! His curly blonde hair…I just want to run my hands through it. He has a mole on his left cheek, I remember it.
‘…it….’
His eyes. I remember them, too. They had such an intense stare. Like they could see right through you.
As he approached the bar, he saw me. I quickly avert my gaze.
Bianca notices my sudden speech impediment and looked around. She spots him. Mr Wonderful, MrDrop-Dead-Gorgerous, Mr…
‘Loser Boy?’ Bianca supplies.
Yes, that too.
‘Honey, don’t even waste a second of your valuable time on that jerk. Like most guys, he doesn’t ever know when he’s staring something great straight in the face. Trust me, you’re so better off without him,’
That is so easy for Miss Do-You-Think-I’m-Sexy to say. She can get a date anywhere at anytime. Did I not hold the very proof in my hot little hand?
‘Bianca, as your best friend and most trusted advisor, I demand that you call this guy and when you get back we’ll celebrate with a round of the strongst acholic beverages we can order – on me,’
My friend pouts and stares at me, giving me the evil eye. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for me. I just stare back, and after a few moments, Bianca sighs and stands up reluctantly.
‘OK, fine.’ She snaps ‘But the next round is on you,’
And here I thought bribery only worked on childrne. Well…children under the age of ten.

As we play a game of pool, we discuss the pros and cons of single life. The list turned out a few suprises.
‘First of all, you can go out and flirt without a jealous partner waiting on the sidelines to beat the crap out of the object of your affections to a pulp,’ My ball hit one of the pretty balls, then rocketed off the table. Missed by a long shot.
‘But after a night out with the girls, you’d have a pair of strong, warm arms to come home to.’ Bianca’s ball rammed into a red one which danced around the edges, refusing to go in.
‘This coming from a confessed man hater,’ I mutter, lining my cue up. Outloud, I say ‘You wouldn’t go out if that was the case.’ I succeed in sinking the first ball. ‘You’d want to have as many nights in as possible,’ I add, grining wickedly.
Bianca pulls a face at me and then aimed for the kill. ‘Second, you don’t have to dress to impress. I mean, we do anyway, but there’s no pressure.’ Bianca’s ball shot across the table, obligingly dropping into the pouch. ‘That is so important,’
I nod. I have to agree with her there. ‘So right,’

The next day, I meet Bianca for lunch. I think I’m a sucker for punishment because we were, of course, discussing the object of her sincerest affections – a guy which, like most, had wandered unexpectedly into Bianca’s life and stolen her heart but, unlike many, was sticking around for the deepest moments of intimacy which went beyond sex. It really is amazing to discover what a difference a permanent stick-on smile can make to one’s face. Sometimes it just gets sickening.
‘He told me he loved me,’ Bianca tells me.
I smile happily. I loved that Bianca was so happy - only now I know that there was no way I’d ever hear the end of this fairytale. ‘What did you say?’
Bianca explains how she told Mr Right (Now?) that she wasn’t ready to commit herself by saying such things, because she didn’t believe in saying something she didn’t mean – yet.
‘He’s just so nice, Krystele – I keep expecting to wake up and find this all a dream. A wonderful romantic dream- but an unrealistic reality.’
I’m silent for a while, lost in my thoughts. ‘You got a good one, all right.’
‘You’ll get a good one,’ Bianca assures me. ‘If we happen to find a guy who’s good enough for you.’
Bianca and I sit at the park the next day, basking in the sunlight. The minute she opens her mouth, I know it was going to be about Tony. She really is so easy to read.
I don’t know why, but I snapped.
‘You know, you used to be able to have a conversation that didn’t revolve around Tony. You used to care about other things then your next orgasm! What happened to the man – hater that I knew and loved?’ I shook my head, holding up a warning finger. ‘No wait! Don’t tell me – you fell in love,’
‘That’s right, I did.’ Bianca agrees calmly. ‘And that’s exactly your problem,’
I glare at her, narrowing my eyes and cossing my arms. ‘What?’
‘You’ve given up on love,’ Bianca states simply and sadly.
I gape at her.

Yes, this really happened. Well, maybe in not so many words but…So sue me.

Let me start off by saying that I am a self – confessed hyopcrite. I give all my friends perfect advice (some followed through, others…not so much), infact the exact same advice I need on the frequent occasion, but I can’t follow it myself.

Why?

It’s always easier to be on the outside looking in.

Bianca and Tony, incase you were wondering, were together for at least a year after that, as far as I know. Then at the beginning of the following year they went off to Uni, together or not I don’t know.

I haven’t heard from her since.

So maybe I have forgotten how to love. Who could blame me, honestly? After Mr Unavaliable, Mr Head Over Heels (a guy I met who felt so much more for me then I felt for him in just over a fortnight – I’ll never forget Father’s Day – that was the day I ended it. I’m not even sure what ‘it’ was), Mr Undecided (a guy I worked with who first turned me down then proceded to send me mixed signals. In the end I just gave up), Mr Train Dude (a guy I met on the train back from Sydney. After an eight hour non – stop chat like we’d known each other for ages, I gave him my number when he said he’d call me to arrange to come up from a nearby town to visit me. That was six months ago – I’m still waiting) and Mr Workaholic (a guy who’d texted and called me for over two weeks every day and then twice a week down to never. Well, in the process of).

The point is, I don’t exactly have the best history with guys. And I live in a small town where there is nothing to do, nowhere to go, so practically no chance of meeting anyone.

So have I forgotten how to love? I’d like to think not, but I’ll let you be the judge.

Nice Guys vs Bad Guys

It’s funny….I was judge talking about this topic to someone a few days ago. Although the connotation actually refered to girls. It always seems that men, labelled ‘nice’ or ‘bad’ go for the supermodel looks or, OK, at least the Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston look – a – like.

Let me describe the lucky ladies for you. They’re slim, mostly, they have glossy hair, an impeccable complexion and straight – off –the – runaway clothes. At least, that’s how it seems when us normal chicks are looking. What it’s like behind closed doors I wouldn’t know – and don’t particularly want to know, thank you very much.

Now onto the guys. Well, I can answer why nice guys finish last – even though I know it isn’t right. They’re sexy.

On TV, the bad guy is always portrayed as a sex symbol, thus mostly always the best looking guy on the show or movie.

Take for example Spike, off Buffy the Vampire Slayer – even Angel, hottest, though, during his evil days. What about Dylan from Beverly Hills, 90210? (I’ve always being such a sucker for a man on a motorcycle clad in leather.) Need I go on?

But I guess what we women have a hard time figuring out is that the bad guys in real life are the ones who’ll stay with you until they’re bored, or some better shag comes along. Maybe that’s why there’s a man drought – maybe all the bad boys have been atomatically disqualified from the race.

You think?

Friendship Between the Sexes

Can men and women ever be just friends? One word comes to mind.

No.

This topic has being investigated by many media forms – Sex and the City, the daily online column of Sam and the City, many past articles in all the religious magazines…(I’m talking Cleo, Cosmo, Madision here) and many books both fictional and non. And they all pretty much come up with the same answer.

Remember me telling you about Mr Head Over Heels? He simply did not know how to be a friend to single girls. Even during our friendly period he was acting like a boyfriend, coming over to my house ever afternoon, bombarding me with obscene amounts of daily text messages (and people call me a phone junkie?) When I finally got sick of him hitting on me almost on a daily basis, I decided it was time to show him around to my single friends, introduce him to the Potential Market.

As it happened, he fell head over heels for one of my friends, and after her accusing me of getting it one with him after they got together (as if!), I never heard from the two of them again.

Regretful, yes. But, really, no great loss. As far as I’m concerned, they deserve each other.

This is only one example, there are many others I could share. But concerntrate, just for a moment, on Sex and the City. Carrie was absolutely distraught when Mr Big hooked up with some ‘Twenties-Something’ chick because it was sooo obvious that she wasn’t over him. The fact that they got it on while Carrie was with Andrian and Big with Natasha was also, if you hadn’t already picked up on it, a good enough indication that friends between the sexes, particularly with the exes, is a definate no – no.

Gay men, on the other hand, appear to be great accessories. Again, I rely on the wonderful Sex and the City to provide backup.

Entrent Stanford Blatch and Anthony Marentino, the gay accessories to Carrie’s and Charlottee’s eventful lives. They proved rather useful during the times, too…

But the point is, sex and relationships are a strict DEGTz (Don’t Even Go There zone).

Friendships between single and straight members of each sex is just a disaster waiting to happen. There’s that fatal attraction thing – an eventual time when one person will start to develop unfound feelings for the other person (with a very slim chance that the feelings will be found to be mutual).

Then there’s the P & J factor (Possessiveness and Jealousy) that would no doubt destroy the relationship should a member of the friendship fall in love and desert the other.

So, all in all, my answer is stil no. It’s very unfavourable, in my opinion – and like most cases of love, will only lead to heartache and pain.

Secrets

Everyone has secrets…don’t they? Some tiny little piece of information revealling an time, event or place in your life that you’d rather forget? Something that you swore you’d never tell anyone?

‘You can’t keep secrets in a relationinship,’ says wife and mother of three kids, Anne Paterson. ‘Relationships are built on trust, and secrets lead to deception, which ultimately breaks that trust.’

In my opinion, I think little secrets are necessary – it keeps the mystery in a relationship alive, making it an indefinate challenge to discover everything you can know about a person. I’m not saying that you don’t share the embarassing moment when you kissed that good looking secretary of yours (anything could come back to haunt you), but just a little secret is worthwhile…for example, the fact that you bought a fifty dollar pair of jeans at a half price sale.

‘There are things that you can keep from someone,’ a friendly accquaintance of mine agreed with me in an email. ‘Such as things that have happened in the past that do not affect the present. You don't need to tell someone - these aren't really secrets, but apart from that secrets never are good in a relationship.’