Needless to say, I fell madly in love with Bryan. It only took a couple days for the charming, witty boy to win me over, and by the time we’d known each other a week and a half, we were basically a couple. Well, not quite. But I liked to think of us that way.

One Saturday night I’m with Rachel and a couple other girls, sitting around Brittany’s room as we wait for one of the other girls to get back from work. The other girls in the room are flitting around, chatting and doing their makeup as they while away the time. I, on the other hand, am sitting somewhat morosely by the window, waiting for Bryan to answer my text message. I don’t really want to be there right now, and my thoughts instead are fixed four floors above me, where Bryan is laying in bed coughing and sniffling. I told him an hour before that I didn’t mind hanging out with him tonight instead of going out, but he insisted that I go out and have fun. “Don’t let me being sick drag you down, girly. Go out and have fun, and I’ll be here when you get back.” So here I am, sitting in Brittany’s room, which smells so strongly of perfume and hairspray that I think I’m going to be sick. My phone vibrates and I snatch it up, reading the brightly lit screen. One new message from Bryan. Read. Exit. I get silly little butterflies in my stomach like I always do when I see his name lit up on the screen. Read. “What up killa. Call me when you get finished at your party so we can hang out. Life is pretty boring here without you.” I smile. Reply. “Well, I told you that I don’t have to go out. In fact, I’d kinda rather hang out with you instead.” Send.

“Megan, what are you doing? Stop being so antisocial!” Marissa charges over, pushing her pug-nosed face into mine. “Oooh, texting? Who?” I shoot her an irritated glance and slip my phone into my pocket. “Nobody.” “She’s probably texting that little druggy kid. What’s his name again? Bryan? The one we ran into at The Cave.” Rachel sounds so matter-of-fact. She doesn’t even know Bryan, so who is she to talk? I frown and look down at my hands. “Bryan? That kid on the eleventh floor?” Marissa exchanges glances with both Rachels in the room. “You’d better watch out for that kid, he’s bad news. He’s way drugged out and he’s a total player.” I look up at Marissa and consider how much I’d love to tape her mouth shut and lock her in a closet. “He seems like a nice guy.” I smile. She frowns. “Appearances can be deceiving.” I think to myself, how original, but don’t say anything. My phone vibrates and Marissa gives me a dirty look. Read. Exit. “Sad sucka. Don’t worry about me, I’ll just chill until you get back.” Reply. “You sure?” Send. I stare off into space again, waiting for something to happen. I hate girls my age. All they ever want to do is gossip and talk about each other when the others aren’t around. My phone buzzes. Read. Exit. “Girly, chill out. Go party. I’ll be up all night anyway.” I finally accept the fact that I’m stuck going out with these fools tonight. Just then the conversation reaches an all-time high, and it sounds like there are chipmunks squealing or being stepped on or something. I look up and realize that Liz just came back. All the other girls crowd around her and start pestering her with questions, but I just sit back and wait for her to come say hello. Liz is my girl, and she’s one of the only girls I know at school that I can just hang out with. No questions asked. “Megan! Girly girl! Where have you been all my life?!” Liz charges up to me and gives me a hug. I hug her back and can’t help but laugh. She’s so crazy and funny that I always end up laughing when I’m around her. She smells faintly of Chanel No. 5 and wet cotton. She just got off work and it’s raining. “You ready to party tonight girly?!” She flashes me her slightly crazy smile. “You know it! Partying with you is how I do!” Moments later we’re heading down the hall, Liz and I with arms linked, and the other girls trailing behind us. “So tell me, how are things with you-know-who?” Liz always manages to sound so sneaky and conspiratorial. “Things are good. He’s sick so he’s not going out tonight.” Liz giggles. “Are you gonna make a late night visit? Hmm? Hmmmm?” She jabs me with her elbow and laugh and shake my head. “You’re crazy girly. I tell you all the time, but you’re straight up crazy.”

After we walk a few blocks in the drizzling rain, and clump of girls straggling down the street, we reach the party. Moments later we’re each clutching our own red plastic party cups, filled to the brim with beer, and I watch as Rachel makes her way through the press of people. I tend to stay on the outskirts of things, watching and observing and only talking to those who feel the need to talk to me. Deano comes over followed by a talll, somewhat scruffy looking guy. “Megan! I want you to meet my friend Carey. Carey, this is Megan.” I glance at Carey disinterestedly. “Hey Carey.” I turn to Deano and flash him my winning smile. “I’ve missed you! I haven’t seen you in like a bazillion years!” Deano laughs and gives Carey a pleased look. I love flattering Deano because I know he carries a little flame for me in his heart. Nevermind the fact that he has a girlfriend and I’m not interested in him that way. It’s just our way of showing our affection for each other. I wander off after a bit, completely bored by Carey’s attempts at conversation, which mainly consist of him trying to make snippy comments at me. Everything he said made me want to roll my eyes. Bryan is way wittier.

A few hours later finds me, Rachel, Liz, and Brittany all sufficiently trashed. Brittany is standing in the backyard, puking into the corner by the fence while Liz holds her hair, and Rachel is tottering around clutching Carey’s arm, who seemed to have found a willing audience in my somewhat sleazy roommate. The party is ending and people are heading out the front door, and Deano invites Rachel and me to come to Carey’s house and have an afterparty. Frankly, I don’t want to go, but I trail along behind them simply to keep an eye on Rachel. I promised Bryan hours ago that I’d call him when I got done at the party, so I pull out my phone and dial his number, trying to keep one eye on the glowing numbers and the other on the sidewalk. I’m drunk so it’s somewhat difficult. The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Then silence. A click. “Hello?” “Hey Bryan! What’s up?” “Not too much, what up killa? How was the party?” “It sucked. Kinda. Anyway, wanna hang out or what?” “I dunno girl, it’s up to you. What’re you looking to do right now?” I paused for a moment. Not quite the response I was expecting. “Well...my friends want me to go to their place and drink some more...” I sound completely unenthusiastic. Hopefully he’ll pick up on the fact that I don’t want to go and rescue me from the pending ordeal. “Oh yeah? Well, you should go then.” I stop a moment, surprised at his response. “Oh..I thought we were gonna hang out tonight.” “It’s up to you, do whatever you want.” He sounds like he doesn’t want me to come over. Is he trying to hint to me that he doesn’t want me there after all? “Okay, well I guess I’ll just go with them.” “Alright, peace.” There’s a click and I look at my phone. Call ended. I’m confused and somewhat angry.

Deano grabs my elbow and guides me down the street, and I look up to see Rachel blissfully walking ahead of me, arm in arm with Carey. Suddenly my phone vibrates. One new message from Bryan. Read. Exit. Butterflies in my stomach again. Read. “Look, if you feel the need to call me and talk shit, then don’t bother to call at all.” I stop in the middle of the street, shocked. Angry. Confused. What is he talking about? Reply. “I wasn’t calling to talk shit. I was seeing if you wanted me to come over, but obviously you don’t.” Send. A moment passes. One new message. Read. “Don’t bother.” Is that it? That’s all he has to say? Reply. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to. Have a great night. Thanks for nothing.” Send. “Megan, what are you doing?” I look up and see Deano standing there, peering down at me. “I don’t want to go. I want to go back. Now.” He looks at me confused, but there’s no changing my mind. I feel like I’m either going to cry or be sick, and to be honest, I’d rather be sick than cry in front of these people. “Megan, you can’t go back now, it’s not safe.” He’s just trying to make me come with them because he has a crush on me and thinks that maybe, just maybe, tonight he’ll get lucky. Suddenly I hate him. “NO! I’M GOING HOME!” I shout. He shrugs and I walk away, heading down the street that leads directly to my dorm. As I walk, I can feel the anger rising up in my throat, and before I know it I’m crying. It’s okay though because I’m alone and there’s nobody here to see my weakness. I can’t stop thinking about how angry I am at Bryan for yelling at me.

Before I realize it, I’m in front of the dorm, and to my horror there is a group of people standing outside. Who hangs outside their dorm at 2am in huge groups? Stupid people! I try to walk past unnoticed, but the world is against me tonight, and to my great shame Josh sees me. He comes over and my stomach clenches in embarrassment. I think Josh is one of the most attractive boys at the school. I try to hide my face from him. “Hey kid, what are you doing?” I flash him a quick smile and shake my head. “I’m just walking home. You?” He looks at me for a second in silence, and then glances at the ground. “I’m going to a hookah bar with some friends.” A pause. “Are you crying?” He’s noticed and suddenly I’m mortified. “No, I’m not.” I look away. “Yes you are.” “No. I’m not.” Finally I look up at him defiantly. He reaches up and wipes a tear from my cheek. “If you’re not crying, then what is this?” “Nothing.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Go to bed you silly little girl. I’ll come say goodnight to you when I get back.” I nod and look away, my final ounce of courage gone. Suddenly I feel strong arms around me and the warmth of his body against mine, and I rest my head on his chest. He strokes my hair for a moment and kisses the top of my head. “Go on, go to bed.” I give him a watery smile and move away, walking towards the building. Minutes later I’m in my room, sitting on my bed and trying to calm my turbulent feelings.

The phone rings. I pick it up and look at the screen. Bryan calling. Answer. Ignore. Without a moment’s hesitation I press ignore. I don’t want to talk to him. I’m angry with him beyond words. A second passes. The brilliantly lit screen glares at me, the light hurting my eyes. It rings again. Bryan calling. Answer. Ignore. Again I press ignore. My hands shake a little. I never ignore calls, even when I’m angry, and suddenly I’m afraid that I’ve ruined things for good. My phone vibrates. One new message from Bryan. Read. Exit. Read. “Ignoring my calls?” Reply. “Yeah.” Send. The phone rings again and I pick it up. “What do you want.” My voice is flat and I try hard to keep the sound of tears from my throat as I speak. “Are you mad at me?” I sit in shocked silence at the stupidity of the question. “Of course I’m mad at you. You were an asshole to me.” A pause. “Look, I thought you were being a brat and making fun of me for being sick. I guess I just got mad.” “You’re so stupid! I wasn’t making fun of you! I wanted to come see you, but I thought you didn’t want me to because you acted like you didn’t give a shit.” There’s another moment of silence on both sides. “I guess we were both wrong.” I wipe my nose and try not to sniffle. “Yeah. Guess so.” “Go to sleep girlie, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Goodnight.” “Goodnight.” I hand up the phone and curl up in bed. I feel like I’ve been dragged back and forth through the dirt all night. Before I know it, I’m asleep. A few hours later, Josh came to my room to say goodnight, but I was already dreaming of somebody else.