This is my first chapter story on this site, and so I would very much appreciate reviews and comments. my writing style might be a bit different to others.

What the hell?

That chick is smiling at me. Do I even know her?

I take the seat next to her in the bus, the only empty seat, just dying to get home after a long tiring day at school. Her hair is covering one of her eyes but the other eye is definitely looking at me.

‘What?’

She smiles harder ‘Don’t you remember me?’ my mind presses rewind on my memory tapes. Nothing. ‘Nope’

‘Susan’

Still nothing.
She takes a breath and continues, ‘Susan, who got you into trouble in Year 9’

Recognition.

Faint snapshots. Me feeling like crap. Bunking off class. smoking in the toilets. Geeky girl entering. smiling innocently. I remember telling her this was my fifth ciggie. A flash of a another smile and she’s gone

5 minutes later, she comes back with teachers.

Resulted in a bloody suspension for a week, getting evil looks from teachers, students keeping their distance and it was even a bigger blast with the parents. Lying on my bed that night, I plotted revenge. Waited patiently for that whole week and then when I return back to school I get……her disappearance.
One of her friends trembling looking wide-eyed at me said, ‘she...shes moved to another school’

Back to reality. I narrow my eyes. She stops smiling ‘shit’

‘Bitch.’

My word kills conversation for the next half an hour. I sit idly looking for any familiar faces to talk to but as my luck would have it, there absolutely nobody I know. My friend Keisha apparently had to stay back for volleyball practice.

‘So why did to transfer back to this dump?’

‘Didn’t like the other school. struggled there for two years’

‘Oh’

She takes out her i-pod. ‘Wanna listen?’ what? Bet she’s feeling guilty. haha
“No”
...Wait! How could I say no to music? damn it. Now I have to suffer for the next god knows how long in this stinky bus.

After a series of nodding of to sleep and humming off-key my bus stop finally surfaces. I get off hurriedly only to realize its her stop as well. I manage a low ‘bye’ to her and she smiles at me as I walk away home.

.

After lunch and a couple hours of music in an empty house, I am bored out of my mind. I decide to call Keisha. ring after ring. ring after ring. she doesn’t pick up the phone.

So I stuff a tiny notebook into my oversized pant pockets and a pen in my ear, choosing a walk in the area instead of moping around with deceased thoughts in my head.

I shuffle along in my baggies and hoodies and even though I probably blend in conspicuously, I bet anyone taking a walk would have vulture-like thoughts floating in their tiny heads- Ooooh look, here comes crazy teen hoodlum justine walking with a pen for protection secured in her earring-ridden ears. why don’t they lock her up? people like here shouldn’t be allowed near civilized people.

I was right. our street maniac, Mrs. merino with her red vine hair passes me with shopping bags in her hand. If it were any other ordinary kid passing her, she’d have stopped and exclaimed loudly, ‘Oh my back’s hurting’ to settle her hints on them inorder to get a slave to carry her bags for her. But no, she wasn’t going to take a risk with me. She gives me a feral look like I’m a disaster.

Which is probably true, but I don’t care.

C’mon it was only that one time. I wanted to shout out loud at her, ‘How were you at my age? Didn’t anything bad get the better of you. There was only this one guy and his drugs. and catchy eyes. How was I supposed to know what would happen?!’

The sky mops up the last remaining red ink stains of the sun as it melts away. I squint for stars, one of my usual interests but its still too early for them. Drowsily, I walk into a café. I’ve often heard from successful writers that cafes are the best place to write so I thought I’d try it out myself.

Funnily enough, I find Susan sitting there looking up at the door as if shes expected me to come walking through the doors for hours. I raise my eyebrows and and she hellos me. I wave back in reply and take a seat at another table. I don’t want to talk to people who have managed to score goals for screwing my life. Even if they do seem all better now.

I’ve only written a paragraph of a poem which has been swimming in my head for a while when I hear a familiar bawdy laughter. Keisha. and she’s walked in with company. I slowly make a move to greet her and- hang on. didn’t she say her practice was until 7? and those three with her, they definitely aren’t in the volleyball team. they’re the queen bees in cheerleading as well as the school.
oh shit. shit. shit shit.

does this mean- “ Hey look, there’s the your emo ex-friend Justine!’ Cara points Keisha in my direction. I catch a half guilty half surprised look on her face. I just want to melt away right now. when did this happen? did I do something wrong? I wanted to scream at her, throw my coffee in her face, pull her hair anything to make her say something but I did nothing.

I just stood there numb. Numb is a cliché word but even then my writing brain failed me, leaving me with only with this one feeling. four years of friendship. did they mean nothing to you, ki?

I pick up my book and walk out of the place with a trail of the girl’s sniggering leaving my world a little hazy in front of me.

I go to the park. the one place I know I won’t screw up in. I lie on my back, letting my watering eyes look at stars only because at this time I don’t think I can manage anything else.
Time stands still and-

‘Justine?’
Oh crap. Susan with her overbearing face blocks my view. Her eyes of gentleness look into mine with concern, and even though I’m irritated, somehow I think she might understand all this business of bad friendship.

She lies down next to me, scratching at her skin. I can tell she’s not used to lying on grass as much as I have but I’m pleased she’s trying. Doesn’t she have anywhere else to be?

She takes a deep breath like she’s going to reveal something horrifying. I almost cringe at what my ears will hear. ‘I was jealous of you’

what?!
‘What?’

‘yeah, I think that’s my only reason for getting you into trouble that day. You were so bloody fearless. You didn’t care what others thought of you and that amazed me. you were doing so many things I would never have done and you still didn’t get caught. and..uh, and I know it wasn’t all that very wise of me but,. I’m sorry. and uh..sorry about your friend too.’

‘hmm’ how could she possibly be jealous of me. I was like falling apart the minute I became a teenager.

‘ that Keisha is a bitch, if you ask me’

I nod at her, approvingly. how could I have been so blind? ki was never really there for me. Not once.

We waste away the silence with our senses glued to the sky talking random and almost stupid small talk and bits of awkwardness in between.

In between she asks ‘Did you know that in the first few weeks inside the womb, a baby grows gills and they get destroyed later?’

wow. ‘really?’ I ask back, like a four year old struck with wonder.

‘yeah.’
‘wow’

Silence. A whole pond of silence. my mind threatens, like it knows from the sigh and the size of breath intake by her that shes going to tell me something big again. I wait for it.

‘I’m pregnant’

Oh my god. my mouth is open, like the moon that hangs limply above us with the same stricken look on her face.

what should I say? do I comfort her? do I tell her that it will be alright?’

‘What are you going to do?’

I..I think I’m going to have it…this is weird. You’re the first person I’ve told’
uh..should I be honored? here this girl who I’ve re-met only few hours agp has let out her biggest secret to me and I’m..

‘And your parents?’

‘are going to kill me!’

‘And the father of the kid?’

‘the word father seems so old. sorry whatever, he..broke up with me’ she wipes a streak of mascara tears from her face.

‘shit’ I say. my vocabulary is failing me again.

‘I don’t know what to do. I really don’t’

‘its alright. I’ll be there’

I don’t even know why I said that. But in my deep strong heart, I know that somewhere there is this softness and compassion I didn’t even know existed, and it suddenly emerged.

And she smiles again. her smile was reassuring. I wonder if it had the same effect on her. maybe I should tell her to look in the mirror and smile the whole day.

Its nearly nine now. But I don’t want to move. I want to stay here, fixed to the touch of grass and under the sky and next to this girl who amazes me. So we end up lying for a little more while there until the world beckons for us and we walk home, silently, with sinking hearts and secrets that will keep us linked in our sadness.