I’m not an obligation

I’m not a commitment

I’m a choice

And I’m starting to think you made the wrong one

I saw the way you were with her,

The way you made her laugh

The smile on your lips as

She flirted incessantly

How she kept us apart whenever she could

And it got me thinking.

You say you chose me because we had some

Mysterious connection that you didn’t have with her

But you spent all day talking to her

And barely even looked at me

Let alone considered starting a conversation.

It makes me wonder how close you were to picking her

Would you have asked her out if you hadn’t known

That I liked you? Would you have still asked me,

Or did you feel you had to because you knew how I felt?

I guess I’m just a little frustrated right now

Part of me is jealous, part frustrated

Because you two looked perfect for each other

And who am I to get in the way of that?

As you said, if you hadn’t known that I had a thing

For you, you’d be taking her to your formal,

Taking her out and making her happy like you make me

Sending her flowers and kissing her at night –

Did you choose me because you wanted to

Or because you didn’t want to hurt me?

It’s like you’re more comfortable with her than

I’ve ever seen you be when we’re together – you

Can talk to her. With me, you just walk by and

Act like you can’t tell that I’m about to cry.

All day I stood beside you, pleading with myself

To look anywhere but in your eyes, not sure

Whether I should take your hand in mine or

You’d think I was being possessive – after all, you

Didn’t come to see me, you came to meet my friends

And you definitely got that. Besides, I didn’t know how you felt

Maybe you were embarrassed? But it still hurt to think that

You didn’t want to associate with me in public, with my friends –

I wasn’t asking for you to be all over me, but just holding my hand

Or a kiss or two would have been nice. Just on the cheek,

I wouldn’t expect a full on make out session in the street.

And when I did take your hand in mine, you broke away

The very moment that people started looking. Are you

Ashamed of me? Because when we’re alone, you don’t care

What we do. But when people are around, it’s like you don’t

Even know me, or want to, it’s like I’m just another random

And you use me for your pleasure whenever you want but after that,

After I’ve served my purpose and you can’t get anything from me

You pretend I don’t exist. Well, that’s how it felt anyway.

You’re all for emotional intimacy, as long as you can hide

Behind your MSN window or your telephone wires.

As soon as we’re together, in actual flesh, we barely exchange

One hundred words, and that’s not good enough for me.

I want a relationship where I can talk freely, where I can tell

You anything and you do the same with me. And that’s what scares me.

I can’t see us like that, sitting on your bed and just talking – it

Always escalates to something more physical, and though I don’t mind

I don’t mind at all, I want something more...meaningful.

I don’t want a boyfriend, I want a best friend

Who just happens to be an excellent kisser, I want

Someone unafraid to put their arm around my shoulders

Even if we’re surrounded by people. I know I sound like a bitch

Refusing to understand that these things take time, but

See it from my point of view. If we’re alone, I can’t get you off me.

When we’re surrounded by people, you won’t even look at me.

It’s confusing. I don’t want to rush things, yet...

I don’t think it’s fair that you do this to me and I let you get away

With it just because you’re my “boyfriend” – though it might not

Stay that way for much longer, not when

It’s obvious that we don’t belong together. She’s much better suited

To you, and I think you know that. I’m just waiting for you to admit it

Because despite all of this...

I don’t want to let you go.