I hate the way you think ‘okay’

Is a highly appropriate response to everything I say

I hate the fact you have no awareness

Of my presence, of who I am or what I think

I hate how you could talk to me for hours on end

Until something (or someone) better comes along

I hate...I hate...I hate...I hate

I hate the manner in which you treat me

Like I’m everything when we’re alone, but

When we’re with friends (and furthermore, my friends)

You take on this other persona – someone I don’t know.

I wish you could read my mind and realise

How much you’re hurting me, how much I can’t handle

This dual, no triple, personality of yours –

The guy on MSN, on the phone, who wants to know me,

Wants to have this emotional intimacy with me,

The guy I see on our dates, sex at the forefront of his mind

(Though admittedly, it’s the same for me.)

And finally, the guy in public, the one that I can’t stand

Who is happy to walk beside me but all the time

Send me these icy vibes, turning me away

Every time I think about approaching you,

Even consider taking your hand in my own and being

‘Couple-like’.

The more I see you, the more I see you

And how we’re less and less compatible.

You’re this super-nerd politician guy, and I’m this

Immature excuse for an almost-adult.

This whole relationship feels one-way – I tell you

Everything, every little detail, and what do

You tell me? Nothing. It’s like I’m

Dating a stranger. And I can’t tell you that.

You’re so set on keeping this relationship and I

Can barely see it lasting another week and

You don’t understand how I feel.

I tell you all this in black and white and the next time

I see you we’re back to fucking square one.

Tears are rushing down my face as I write this

Though I’d rather destroy myself than show you this

And the impact that this relationship is having

On me is unfathomable to you.

I hate being in this relationship, nothing has ever

Fucked up my mental well-being quite like this but

Every time I see you, it’s like nothing’s wrong

(Probably because I have no time to think as I’m

Topless in your lap.)

And no matter how much I want to end it, I can’t

Because I’m screwed up enough to have these

Crazy-ass feelings for you and being without you

Scares me.