The chapters of my life…

Waiting behind closed doors

In our live we all face several choices, several chances. It’s a matter of which road we take that’ll show us where we will be in the end.

Some of us are taking every chance they get, just so they can say they lived life to the fullest. Others are playing the safe card, just so they can say they lived to see the day.

And then again there are people who just don’t live life at all.

They are waiting behind closed doors, hoping somebody pushes them into the right direction. Hoping that there will be a sign to tell them they went the right way.

And when that sign doesn’t occur they can always blame the ones that pushed them to that point. They wont have to take any responsibility for their actions because they never took action. They lived a half life.

But how do you know when to wait and when to run, when to leap and when to stun? How do you know what to do when there is nobody to tell you. Nobody to turn you in the right direction. Nobody to confirm the choices you’ve made for yourself.

And what do you do after you lived life to the fullest? Took every chance you got and never backed down, yet in the end still feel like there is something missing? Or to feel broken and alone? How do you deal, when your heart got broken by making wrong choices and taking the wrong chances? In the end there was nobody to guide you, so who is to blame? You? No you didn’t know any better. But neither did anybody else.

So how do you deal when that happens to you?

And what do you do when you played the safe card? And lived a content life? Nothing was wrong, nothing was bad...but nothing was exceptionally good either. How do you deal then, when on your deathbed you realise there are so many things you haven’t done? So many things you have wished to do, so many things you hoped to endure? Isn’t that even more heartbreaking then making wrong choices? Making the safe choices which turn out to be not so good in the end? Who is to blame then? You again? Yet again you didn’t know any better, after all you always learned to stay alive, to stay safe. You always were taught to think first and then act. Who is to blame then? You made the choices but nobody was able to confirm them. You didn’t know any better and neither did anybody else.

So what happens then? How do you deal?

I guess what I’m trying to say is...

Who are we to tell others how to live their lives? Who are we to judge? We’ve got no right, right? Yet here I am learning to help people find the right way back into life. But what is the right way? And how do we find it? Because I could surely use a helping hand in that department.

How do you know that what you did was good, that what you did was right?

How do you know you lived life right?

Is there anybody who can tell? Because if there isn’t, then why do I get the right to say, that I learned hard and studied for years, so now I’m able to live other peoples lives? Just because I’m getting my degree in psychology, does that make me better at living life? Does that make me any better?

Does it give me the right to tell other people that they’ve been living their lives wrong?

I don’t think so and yet in a few months I will start my next year in college. Learning even more about doing just that. Living other peoples lives. I can hardly live my own.