The chapters of my life

“There are two tragedies in life, one is to lose your hearts desire, the other is to gain it”

It’s hard to realise that truth often has got such a painful end to it.

Sometimes it’s like the edge of a knife and you just have to find out on which side of the knife you’re standing. Somehow I can’t imagine either one being a picnic.

But then again, nothing in life is merely just a happy tune.

We all chase after love, even when there is nothing left to chase. We try and find the last little bit of it. I guess that’s just human. We hunger for love and we thrive to linger in it once we found it.

It’s a painful lesson to see, it doesn’t always stick around. No matter how strong love feels. No matter how hard you want it to work. Sometimes it just won’t.

You fight, struggle and cry but in the end it’s all the same...it was never meant to be.

You then have to learn to let go of that love you thought there was and that’s hard.

You’re not really giving up on the love, because it was never really there, but you let go of the hope you cherished while searching for that little bit of love.

We all need hope in our lives. We all search for it.

And though we don’t find it in the same places, our hope makes us all similar.

We hope for a better world, a better life and a better love. Any love.

And once we see a glimmer of hope passing us by we cling onto it, desperate to make the best of it. Because we need that hope to make it through. Through the heartaches of life we need to believe that everything will be alright in the end. We need to hope that things will get better. And that even in the darkest hours, the sun will come up again.

We need to believe that a light will come shining in our lives, again or even for the first time.

We need to see the light, to believe in the light and cherish it while it lasts.

As said before we all find that hope, that light in different places.

Some find it in their God, any God. He can bring hope, love and happiness. He can give the hope that if you life well, it will work out in the end. It will all fall into place.

Some find it in their hobby, their passion. Something they can lose themselves in and come out a happier person. It can give them the hope that those moments of happiness will come more often and take longer and longer to fade away.

Some see that light in music. The lyrics of their favourite artist, that help them through the pain and the laughter. The soothing voices that agree with their feelings. It gives them the hope that they are never alone.

And some find it in their work. A place where they are needed in some way or another. A place where they do good work and get paid for it, a form of credit. To be needed gives hope that someday they will make their own world a better place to live in.

We all look for it, long for it and pray to linger in it. We all want it in our lives.

It makes us different and yet so much alike. Hope could bring us closer together. But we need to let go of the hate first. Hate divides the world, whereas love can bridge the distance.

I always look for hope, love and happiness. I’m just like you all. I yearn for it and wish to receive it, rather sooner than later. Before it’s too late for me.

Before there comes a time where I will no longer hope, believe and cherish the light. A day where all my hope will die and the light will diminish forever.

I listen to the music. Write the poems, the stories. I am needed in my work. Still the happy moments are few and far apart. I keep on hoping. Someday it will get better.

It has too...otherwise I’ve lost the meaning to life.

As a young girl, it all seemed so clear and the light was just within reach. My hope never faltered and my love never failed. I was happy. Even when things did not go the way I’d wanted them to go, my life seemed perfectly fine.

I hope for such a time in life again. Where I can believe in unconditional love, romantic intervals and people that will never leave me behind.

And then I wonder, did they really leave me behind? Or was I just running away form them? Turning backwards, hoping to grasp the time where I was happiest?

Was I really standing still? Or did I run forwards while they kept walking?

Did I leave it all behind, in my journey to the future?

Did I Let go of their hands, hoping they would walk as fast as me, or that they would not be worthy of my time? What really happened? Where did things go wrong and who was to blame for it? Was there ever anyone to blame at all?

Is it just life to come in-between sometimes? And will we find each other again in the future...if this was really meant to be? Is anything ever really meant to be?

And what do all these worries really mean?

And I wasting valuable time? Or am I questioning the wrong turns I took in life? Where is that path a person should never walk of off in life? The right path, the path of good. Because I lost sight of it so long ago. What is right, what is wrong? Who am I to judge?

When will the light come within my grasp again?

And when will those tragedies ever become significant lessons in life that aren’t described as tragedies at all?

When will all my questions be answered?