Breathe. In and out. In with oxygen, out with carbon dioxide. It was something she didn't want to do anymore. She was tired of it all. Everything was so confusing. She just didn't want to think anymore. She didn't want to exist anymore. She knew no one would miss her. What was there to miss?

All anyone would miss was a short, silly, stupid girl who was in the way. No one would even notice. Two weeks after this was done, then someone might find out and say 'Oh, really? She died? That's too bad,' then proceed to ask about a sports game or a date.

No one would notice. No one would care. No one would wish she was still there.

A small sigh escaped her lips. She sat on the bleachers. It was getting dark and windy. It was a little chilly, too. Not too cold that she couldn't handle it, though. She could handle anything now. No one would find her until tomorrow, when everything was done, and it was all alright.

She remembered some of the good times as she looked up into the evening sky. The moon's light on her face was a bit comforting.

'You really think that? You're so sick!' said Melanie. 'I can't believe you'd think that.'

The real reasons she was here were flooding in.

'She's fat! Why would I want to be near her?' asked Jill, laughing.

'You're so tactless. You always say the wrong thing,' said Elaina.

'No, you're wrong. You're always wrong,' said Jordan, smiling in a smug, arrogant way.

'You're never doing your best. You never try. You're not doing well enough,' said Mom, glaring at her with a disappointed look on her face.

She was never good enough. She wasn't worth anything, and she knew it. It hurt so much. But that was why she was ending it all, tonight. Her setting was a bit dramatic. She would be found soon, and it might scare some people, but it was worth it. She wasn't doing this to scare anyone, or to prove anyone right or wrong. She was doing this for herself. To make herself calm again. To make all the thoughts that hurt and wouldn't go away stop. It was a hard choice, but she had decided. Then she began to think of what she'd miss.

'I love this song,' said Hannah.

'Me, too,' she said. 'I just heard it for the first time the other day.'

'Seriously? I've known it forever!'

'I love doing this,' she said. ‘Hanging out like this?’

'Same here,' said Elaina. 'Life wouldn't be the same without this!'

She held close to her friend as he hugged her tight. She hugged back, knowing it might be one of the last times she did so.

She remembered the Getting to Know You phase of her most important relationship. The relationship that never blossomed to its full potential… She remembered feeling so happy that she could just burst with it.

She remembered the heartbreak that followed for months. She remembered feeling guilty about other boys, because he was still in the back of her mind. She remembered how she hoped she was picking up jealousy signals or more than friendship signals from him almost an entire year after they'd met and he'd decided she wasn't right for him. She didn't know how to go on from that, even now.

It was so hard thinking. It was so hard deciphering what exactly made her hate everything around her. She had no idea what made her so unhappy. Sometimes it was everything, sometimes it was nothing, but it was always something.

She gasped in air. It was one of the last times she would do that. She had already penned a small note, and she picked it up, wondering if it was enough. Of course it's enough, she thought. People will see, read it, and move on. It won't be that difficult for anyone.

She read it aloud to herself quietly.

"I understand this might scare someone, but it has to be done. I'm almost sure this might hurt some people, too. If it does, I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll move on fast, so don't worry about me. I don't matter much. I love you all, even if you don't love me. There's a longer note in my room, in my desk. The long drawer, if you care."

A tear slid down her cheek. If, in death, she could miss anyone, she would. She'd miss Elaina and Jordan and Evan most. They probably wouldn't miss her too much, but there would always be a place in her heart for them, whether she was alive or dead.

"I love you guys," she muttered into the semi-darkness. She got up. She was ready. She was at the top of the bleachers. She turned her head to the right and looked at her school. She didn't even hate it. She didn't hate anything or anyone. She smiled at the building. It held so much that the teachers would never know.

She looked down and began to walk slowly down the steps.

She remembered leaving a message on Evan's answering machine.

'Hey, it's me, I can't come over tonight. I'm sorry. I'll miss you. I have to go to the stadium at school, and I won't see you again for a while. Bye.'

Perhaps that had been a mistake. Perhaps he had understood the message. Perhaps he has noticed. Perhaps he had already gotten it and was on his way to "save" her. Perhaps he had gotten it and had ignored it. Perhaps many things.

She kept walking, slowly. She reached the edge of the bleachers and looked across the field. She would miss the field as well. It held so many memories. She turned to the left, her hand on the railing, staring at everything. The trees, the flagpole, the scoreboard, and everything seemed so much more beautiful now. Now, when she would never see it again. She reached the end of the railing. She had her final choice here.

She could go straight, walk down the stairs, and never come back here with these thoughts. Or she could turn left, walk up the steps, and lean over just a little bit too far. She looked out over the field again, her decision already made. She turned left.

She walked up the steps slowly. A little bit of fear was starting to creep up. What was after this life? Would she go to some type of hell? Would she just dream? Would she become someone else and begin to live again as someone else, with a different life? Or would it just be silence, and darkness? She could handle silence and darkness. She would have loved silence and darkness for eternity.

She reached the top of the steps. She took out her note and held it tightly in her left hand.

There was a fence that needed to be cleared before the fall. As she looked up at the fence, all fear disappeared. She felt only excitement and exhilaration. She smiled, and reached up and began climbing.

"NO!" shouted a voice below her. She was halfway up the fence and looked down.

Evan. He stared at her with horror and fear on his face.

"Leave me alone," she said. "You shouldn't be here right now." Her voice was monotone.

"Get down from there and let me drive you home," said Evan. "Then I'll never come near you again."

"That isn't the point," she said. "The point is to leave me alone here, so I never have to breathe again."

"Breathing isn't hard," he said. "Come here!"

She reached up to keep climbing. Evan ran up the rest of the way.

"No! Get down!" he said loudly. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled.

"No! No! Stop!" she shouted. She began to cry, fearing he would win. She let go of the fence to wipe her eyes, and he yanked her down.

She fell into his arms and he held her close. She began to sob.

"Why in the world would you try to do that?" he asked her quietly.

"Because," she gasped through her tears, "no one loves me as much as I love them."

"Yeah," he said. "Most of them love you more." She shook her head.

"No, no they don't."

"Yes, they do. Do you want proof?" he asked. She nodded. "Then here, look down through the fence!" She lifted her head and looked down. There were people there, and they were all people she knew. They were here to save her.

"Do you believe me now?" he asked her. She sniffled, but did not respond. She didn't know what to believe. No one treated her like they loved her when she was around, but the proved it at important times. Why couldn't they act like they loved her all the time?

"Well?" said Evan. "Do you?"

"I don't know…" she said. He put her down and reached into his pocket. He pulled out her other note, the longer one.

"Your mother found this and called me right away," he said. "She was terrified. She had already called Elaina and Jordan. They were freaking out. No one knew where to find you, except me. You have no idea how glad I am that message was there. I can't believe I almost lost you."

She shook her head and reached for the fence again.

"No, no, you're just saying that to avoid some kind of guilt or responsibility! You don't mean it! No one shows it!" she said, tears falling.

"I think having everyone you put in this letter here is proof enough that they care, and show it!" said Evan.

"They show it now, when it's a life or death situation! But not every day. No one shows it all the time. No one tells me I'm good enough or I'm right or I'm fine just the way I am. Everyone wants me to be better. No one's happy with how I am, right here, right now!"

"You're trying to throw yourself off the bleachers! Of course no one likes that idea!" said Evan. "But yesterday, when you just stuck your tongue out at me, it was so endearing. I loved it. What do you need to make you believe me?"

"The words," she said. "No one says it. No one promises me they love me."

"I promise," said Evan, "that I love you. I love how you are, right here, right now, even though you're trying to jump off the bleachers. I love that you're silly and goofy, and I love how you talk. I love you, and I promise that I mean it."

Her lower lip trembled. He had looked right into her eyes when he said it. She could feel the sincerity. She hugged him tightly. Everything was so confusing. She didn’t know who she could trust, who really cared. Except Evan. Always Evan.

"Save me," she muttered into his chest.

"Always," he said into her hair.