I walked steadily along the side of the road, sneezing whenever the dust struck up when a car drove by. I trailed my hand along the tall greenery growing on the side of the road as if I could feel it. I smiled as a light breeze tousled my dark hair, my almost-black eyes closing halfway. I breathed in the sea scent that came with it, relishing in its salty, fishy scent. I’d always loved the smell of the ocean, though many didn’t like it. They didn’t like the smell that it seemed to carry of rotting things. I never thought it smelled like that, like death. I thought that it smelled of life. The uncountable numbers of life in the giant seas.

I sighed, reaching my house. I’d skipped the bus today, feeling the need for the air and a bit of freedom. Chase hadn’t known; I’d left early, out teacher letting us free for the weekend. He’d probably be a little bummed about it, but I knew he wouldn’t hold it against me. He knew that I sometimes just needed the time to myself. I’d even beaten the bus.

I stepped into the front room of the house. It was silent, me having beat Kelly home and Layla was at her new job in the town. I also remembered Kelly having mentioned something to Layla about staying at a friend’s for the night.

I’d been in Ireland a grand total of three weeks. My first day had been confusing and weird, as had every other day of my living here. I’d managed to get the cutest guy at the school dating me on the first day, without me even having to do anything. I also had made a group of new friends, the one I was growing closest to being Jane, a spunky girl with long, wavy blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She never seemed to tire of my quiet manner or not very exciting company. All I really did was listen to music and smoke. And eat kiwis a lot.

I glanced at the sky out the window, noticing a few dark clouds heading my way. Good. I loved the rain, especially the thunder storms. The streaks of white across the darkness, the giant snaps and crackles of thunder, the cold water streaming through my hair...It all applied to my nature. Chase said I reminded him of a dark cloud, but not in a negative sense. The foreboding, perhaps, but also the quiet mysteriousness. Once it struck, though, nothing was silent. Everything was put into a different view, the streaks of life spreading across all around.

He’s really good with words, unlike me. Which would probably help explain why I don’t talk much.

I yanked open the fridge and pawed through it, finding a bag of shredded cheddar. I took the bag for myself, as well as a small can of green olives, and escaped to the back yard, using procrastination against the inevitable homework. I walked past my tree, where I usually lounged, instead walking down the easy slope, finding a patch in the grassy field that I could lay down on. I dropped myself onto the ground, opening the can of olives and snacking on them with a content expression.

I suddenly felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and I pulled it out, not bothering with caller ID as I brought it up to my ear. “’Lo?”

“You skipped the bus, huh?”

I didn’t say anything, biting down on my lip to keep myself from laughing at the tone of Chase’s voice. Kind of exasperated and a little annoyed.

“Yes. Where are you?”

“Still at the school. I was looking for you, so I missed the bus, and I didn’t know that your class had gotten out.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, giggling a little.

“Don’t laugh!” he said, and I let out a bark of laughter at the way his voice got kind of high. “It’s not very funny, just abandoning me here.”

“Do you want me to come and get you?” I asked, grinning ear to ear.

“Actually, I really wouldn’t mind that.”

I laughed again and just hung up, pulling myself up from the ground. I knew my aunt had just gotten home; I’d heard the car. I found her in her room, putting away her purse. “Hey Layla? May I borrow the car?”

“You never want to drive,” she said, turning and raising an eyebrow at me and all my innocence.

“I need to go get something done,” I said, shuffling my foot back and forth.

“Well, okay,” she said, tossing me the keys. I caught them out of the air and ran down the steps to the car, sliding in and starting it up, not quite trusting my driving skills. It had been since Massachusetts since I’d driven. I shrugged and pulled out, avoiding the mail box on my way.

The drive was short, as usual, and I pulled to a comfortable stop in front of the school, unlocking the doors as Chase walked to the car. He slid in, pulling the door shut and sitting silently, his arms crossed with a scowl on his face. I snorted and screeched out of the parking lot, wincing at my own driving skills.

“Sorry,” I said, not specifying as to what I was apologizing for.

He glanced at me, his stunning green softening a bit. “It’s okay,” he said, deciding on what I’d been apologizing for. We left it at that as I drove to his house. I pulled off by the mailbox without managing to hit it, starting to remember my driving.

He just sat there for a moment and I killed the engine, not wanting to waste gas.

He suddenly sprang over, locking his lips with mine and clicking my seatbelt off at the same time. He straddled my hips, and I pulled on the lever on the side of the seat, letting it fall backwards. His kiss was rough, but I loved it.

We broke for air and he just moved to attack my neck.

“You know, your parents c-could be seeing this,” I said, my breath hitching as he hit a sensitive spot.

“So?” he murmured, biting my ear gently. “This is your way of apologizing, I’ve decided.”

“I already a-apologized,” I whined as he moved to my collarbone, his hands fondling my hips slightly, playing with the hem of my jeans.

“Doesn’t count,” he said. “You made me late, so you’re making it up to me.” I could hear the grin in his voice.

I gave up and let him kiss me.

I’m not worth your time.

Why bother with someone like me?

I’m not worth it.

Tainted. Disgusting.

I’m worth nothing.

Why are you bothering?

It’s just a waste of time.

I gasped and opened my eyes suddenly, meeting with the ceiling, barely lit by the early morning sun. A dream. About myself again.

I sighed and sat up, running a hand through my hair. Old thoughts still stuck in my head. Or were they even old thoughts? Were they on my subconscious all the time when I was with Chase, wondering why he was with me?

I kicked myself for thinking that and pulled myself out of bed. It was about six-thirty, the sun rising early in this time of year. I pulled on a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved black shirt. Somehow, I’d managed to still keep the scars hidden from Chase. I’d stopped creating new ones a little while after I’d met him, and I didn’t want to start again. I didn’t want him to see the scars, though.

I slid into some black sandals and escaped the house to the comfortable, warm air. I walked through the early morning light down the road, towards the bus stop. I waited about ten minutes until it arrived, catching it down to town and then past that. I realized I’d forgotten my phone, but I didn’t really mind. I was just going to see the sea. I often went out to it anymore, the smell of it beckoning me. I’d found a simple spot just beyond town, giant cliffs stretching up high above the water crashing against the base of them below.

I got off at the right stop, crossing the road and walking along a rarely-used path, probably only used by me anymore, about two miles down to the cliffs. I reached there, the sea breeze pushing my hair back comfortably. I smiled and looked down below me, the heights that usually made others dizzy making me daring.

Tainted...disgusting? If I am such...I should rid myself of such things. Cleansed...for you, Chase.

I looked down far below me to the churning white waters at the base. I put my arms out spread-eagle, horizontal on either side of me. I smiled and took a step forward into air.

I felt the air rush around me as I fell down, the deep waters below me approaching quickly. I closed my eyes and held my breath just before I crashed into the waters, the salt burning my eyes despite being closed. I ignored the pain, from my eyes to the still-healing cuts on my arms feeling the salt. I felt a pulling behind my eyes and kicked upwards, breaking the surface of the water with a gasp. The waves crashed into rocks near me, but I knew a small beach was off to the side of me just a bit.

I swam sideways, the cold water biting at my bare feet. I’d left my sandals way up at the middle of the trail, deciding that I’d wanted to walk barefoot.

After a strenuous swim, though it wasn’t too far away, I reached the small beach in the confines of the cliffs, wading up onto the sand. I wondered if anyone had ever been on this beach before. Obviously not in a long time.

I dropped myself onto the sand, breathing in the air in deep gulps. Once I’d caught my breath, I suddenly felt a shaking in my chest. Quietly, then louder as it grew, I found myself laughing. Laughing my head off.

I grinned to myself after finishing my laughing session and stood up, brushing sand from my hands. I walked to the cliffs at the back of the beach, just beyond a tiny stand of trees. I looked over the sides of it, spotting what appeared to be a small, old path along the sides. It was rough and would require a bit of climbing, but doable. I’d struck luck again.

I started up on the path, the climb long. I didn’t mind it, relishing in the feel of my muscles burning, the smooth or rough textures against my palms and my bare feet.

I made it up to the top, yanking myself over the slight overhang and rolling over onto the grasses. I looked around, then walking in the direction of the trail, which wasn’t far off. I picked up my sandals and walked back to the bus, completely disregarding the fact that I was soaking wet.

Cleansed.

My hair was still dripping a tiny bit when I reached the house, my clothes sodden. The only thing on me that was dry were my sandals, which hadn’t taken the dive with me.

“Hey Jacki—What the hell?!” Kelly stared at my soaked state. “It’s not raining yet!”

“I jumped into the ocean,” I said as if it were an everyday thing for me, walking around her and up the stairs, trailing water.

“Jackie! Wait, what are you talking about?!” She apparently didn’t want to know all that much, though, not following me up the stairs.

I went into my room, grabbing a towel from my bathroom and drying my hair off. I stripped my clothes and changed into some dry ones. I let the towel rest half on my head as I picked up my phone from its spot on my dresser. One missed call, from Chase.

He hadn’t left a voice message, which meant call back, but it’s not urgent.

I hit speed dial three and brought the phone up to my ear.

“It’s weird, y’know. You’ve never not answered your phone before.”

“I forgot it.” I shrugged, though he couldn’t see it, walking downstairs and opening the fridge, grabbing a can of green olives. I popped it open and snacked on them casually as he talked to me.

“Well, whatever. What are you doing today?”

“Absolutely nothing,” I replied, popping an olive into my mouth and regarding the weather outside. “What were you thinking?”

“The group is getting together for at Matt’s for a movie marathon or something at like ten. You wanna go?”

“Sure,” I said, finishing off my fifth olive. “Will you come and get me?”

“Yeah. See you then, Romeo.” He hung up and I rolled my eyes. I was like Romeo in no way. First, Romeo wasn’t interested in men, he was interested in Juliet. He was also Italian, and I was a mix of tons of different things. He spoke in rhyme, too. I don’t do that.

I glanced at the clock. I had half an hour. I ran a hand through my hair, deciding to just wash it to get the salt out. I went upstairs, washing it quickly in the bathroom sink. I straightened out my clothes and ate a kiwi, sliding into my shoes as I heard his car pull up.

I scribbled down a quick note, as Kelly had disappeared into her room and Layla worked half the day on Saturdays. I then ran out to the impatient Chase, who was borrowing his parents’ car.

I hopped into the passenger’s seat and clicked on the seatbelt as he pulled out.

“Your hair is out of your eyes. I like it.” He sent a smile at me and I blushed faintly pink, turning my head away to look out the window.

The rest of the drive went in silence until we reached Matt’s house, a cute yellow house in the town. Chase was about to get out, but I reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“Yes?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

“I never got my kiss hello,” I said, raising one back. He smiled and leaned over, putting a hand in my hair and pulling me over to kiss me gently. He released me after a moment.

“Hello...” he whispered, winking at me and getting out of the car. I felt the smile work at my face and I opened the door, stepping out. I followed him to the front door, lacing my fingers with his. He smiled and rang the doorbell, and Matt answered the door, a large grin on his face.

“Ayy, you got Silence to join us!” he said, using the nickname he’d picked up for me. “Come on in. We’re still waiting for Jane.”

“Jane is always late,” Chase said, rolling his eyes and pulling me through the doorway. I followed him to the living room, where the group, excluding Jane, were positioned around a TV, lounging on couches or laying on the floor. I spotted Cherry and Eric holding hands, and I heard Chase chuckle. He’d obviously been guessing about that one too.

“Love seat...ours,” Chase said, kicking Michael off and sitting down, pulling me into his lap, locking his arms around my waist.

“Hey,” he said, breathing in my scent. “You haven’t smoked?”

I shook my head, seeing him smile out of the corner of my eye. “I’m going to try to quit...”

He didn’t say anything, just turned my head and kissed me gently, earning a ‘yuck’ from Tom playfully.

“And the Queen arrives!” I turned to see Jane entering. Her outfit was as bright as usual, with a lime green and white skirt, white t-shirt, and the glitter she sometimes used on her neck, collarbone, and above her eyes. “How is everyone?”

“Pretty damn fantastic, if I do say so myself,” Chase said, tightening his arms around me and kissing my neck, causing a shiver to run down my spine. He chuckled and Jane rolled her eyes, walking past us to claim a spot on the couch.

“What are we watching?” I suddenly asked, surprising everyone except Chase. I don’t talk much around anyone but him.

“Well, there’s a few options,” Michael said, recovering first. “We have some nice horror films, but we also have got some comedy if the girls get uneasy.” He pointedly sent a grin at Chase, who chucked a pillow at him.

“I’m up for horror,” I said, shrugging. I probably wasn’t going to get any watching time in at all, what with Chase biting my neck now.

“A vote, then?” He counted and Cherry was out-counted by everyone for horror.

Matt slid in a movie and I tried to pay attention to the gore, but found myself very distracted. Chase had somehow found a way to move the collar of my shirt down slightly, gaining access to my whole right shoulder.

This went on for a while and I finally gave up on the movie.

It was only when I started to get scared was when Chase decided to start to trace my arm. Movies didn’t scare me; Chase finding the scars did. I clenched my fists but didn’t let him see, trying to stay relaxed. He suddenly ran his thumb up the inside of my sleeve and we both froze. I bit my lip to stay calm while he lifted my arm nearer to his face, moving back the sleeve, viewing the scars and healing cuts.

I couldn’t take it anymore, and jumped up. “I’ll be right back,” I said, yanking my sleeve back down. No one even appeared to notice and a sprinted from the room, feeling the tears well in my eyes.

I made it out the front door by the time Chase caught me. He grabbed my hand and yanked me back to him, pulling me against him in a tight hug.

“It’s okay, Jackie, it’s okay...” he whispered as I fought off the sobs as best I could.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to get out, my shoulders jumping up and down.

“It’s okay...” he whispered, and pulled me out at arm’s length, wiping my tears off with his hand. “I just want to know...when did this happen?” He pushed back the sleeve of my arm, revealing the criss-crossed scars up to my elbow. I looked away, ashamed. He grabbed my chin with his hand and forced me to look at him.

“Jackie, it’s okay,” he said, his green eyes soft, yet intense at the same time. “You can tell me.”

“M-My life is not a happy one,” I stuttered. “There’s a lot to it to explain just why I did this.”

“It’s okay, you can tell me those when you feel the need,” he said. “I just want to know when.”

“I stopped on my fourth day of being in Ireland. The day I met you.” I glanced up at him. “A few of the newest ones are still healing a little...”

He nodded and stepped forward, pulling me into his embrace again. We didn’t say anything, he just hugged me. “You wanna go home?”

I nodded slowly, looking up at him. “I want to tell you...some stuff.”

He smiled lightly. “I’ll go tell the others that we’re gonna take off. You can go ahead to the car.” He tossed me the keys and I caught them, though almost dropping them with the strong shaking of my hands. I unlocked the car and slid in, and Chase was back out in just a short while, driving me home.

Lol, I'm going to stop complaining about page breaks now.

I forgot that I hadn't finished chapter five yet. Hardy har har. A pirate's life for me.

And really bad eggs.

Reviews? I don't know if this is a good or bad story yet.

-Jaws