hello there! CAUTION: SLASH! dont like it?? dont read it. this fic contains smut along with cross dressing, sub/dom play, and reference to various illicit substances used for the betterment of consciousness. Confused? Ask a hooker or befriend a dictionary.

I LOVE ANYONE WHO IS STILL READING THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!! So I'm in the midst of graduating high school and abandoned the majority of my writing. I'm sorry! I fail! If you keep on an eye on this I promise I'll ooze out the remainder of this throughout the summer. I need to finish this story. It deserves to be finished.

AFI's title, my characters. enjoy!

CH 15 : To Running

Joshua

Never in my life had I thought that I would be embarrassed of how I felt about Render or what I did with him. I was right. Even now, even naked on my knees as my parents stood stock still in the doorway, I didn’t care what they thought. I saw the repulsion, the anger, the disbelief slide across their faces.

The next hour was a whirlwind. They kicked Render out; I got dressed and wandered to my room. They were screaming and spitting and cursing. I felt like my ears were muffled. I had been so close to the hottest sex of my life, and they had ruined everything. Laying on my bed, I just wanted to follow Render out that door.

I heard my mom knocking and I mumbled something. I guess it was mistaken for an invitation. My mother crept in the door, nervous like she was talking to a serial killer.

“Why are you doing this, Joshua? Why?” Tears sparkled in her eyes. I almost laughed. I constantly mocked my mother- laughed to myself over her naïveté, but before that moment, I never truly wanted to be cruel to her. At the sound of her injured question, I wanted to recite all the dark, beautiful and very gay sex I was having. I wanted to make her cry with the fantastic images of her son in all his submissive glory. She wanted to judge me? Let her know the whole truth.

I didn’t tell her my dark tales, but I did tell her the simplest truth I knew.

“To be happy, mother.” I sighed with the sincerity of it. Render made me happier than anything, though I knew most could never understand. They didn’t have to. He did, and that was all that mattered to me.

“I don’t understand.” Watching her face scrunch up in confusion, I couldn’t stay mad at her. I pitied her. “You’re straight, Josh. You’re a good kid. Why are you acting out at us?”

Okay, I take that back. I could be mad at her. “This has nothing to do with you.” I growled.

My anger only seemed to justify her point, which made no sense to me. “Well,” she huffed. I cringed. “Obviously it does. Whatever you were doing with that transsexual was being done in the middle of my living room.” Somehow she made it sound like she was scolding a five-year-old for spilling juice, not a seventeen-year-old for having gay sex.

I could only roll my eyes. “Bad news, Mom. I live here too. So that living room is not exclusively yours, and p.s. it’s not like I was trying to get caught. You were supposed to be gone, remember.”

“Well, how long did you think you could just sneak around with some tranny? Honestly, Joshua, what were you thinking? You’re a straight boy!” Throughout the tirade, my mother’s pitch rose and rose until it was almost above human hearing range.

I smiled. The cruelty was back. “Well, honestly mother, you keep saying tranny as if it were a bad thing. I thought you would have preferred a transsexual. At least they appear to be female.” I laughed wholeheartedly at my mother’s mixture of pure disgust and utter confusion. “Render is just a boy in a dress.”

This time she laughed, and I have never felt more enraged by a sound. “Is that his name? This…this…thing you’re running around with.”

“I love that thing.” I scowled at her even as the malign mirth fell from her face.

“No, you don’t. You are straight, Josh.” She repeated it like a mantra.

“Who, the fuck, are you trying to convince? Yourself? Because I know what I am. I live with it. I am at peace with it.”

“No.” She stated it plainly as if her denial would void all prior statements.

“Yes, Mom, yes. Your son likes men.” I said it loudly, hoping my father was near enough to hear.

“No.”

“Yes. Men.” My volume rose. “But not just any men. Men in drag, but not even true drag. Your son likes pretty men who wear skirts and don’t pretend.”

“No.” She was trying to maintain her calm even as I watched her hands shake, and my voice filled the room.

“Yes! But not just any men in dresses—one man. Your son loves one beautiful dress-wearing man and intends to be with him no matter what you do.”

The door to my room, which was previous cracked, flew open to reveal my fuming father. “Enough!” He was pure ex-military, tall and square and grey. I went from his pride and joy to his worst nightmare in less than an hour. If I had renounced my actions to my mother and begged for forgiveness, I knew that my parents would have effectively ignored this whole day. It was almost funny how stereotypically suburban they were. How much I once was. I could have laughed had my father’s square, red face not been staring irately at me.

“No more of this bullshit,” his voice boomed in a way mine never would. “We’re going to drop all of this shit right here, right now. No son of mine is gonna be a fag!”

“No.” I said icily, sounding eerily like my mother.

“Sweetheart, please.” She pleaded. Endearments were only broken out for pleading.

“No.”

The red drained from my father’s face as resignation slid into its place. “Fine. Then, get out.”

A gasp broke from my mother’s throat like a crack in a dam. “Donald!”

“Sophia, this is it.” He gave her the same stern look he was giving me. “You have tonight to choose, Joshua. You get to be my son, or some faggot I have never met.”

I smiled slowly letting my voice drop into a feminine pitch. “Well, daddy. I’ll just have to think real hard about that, won’t I?”

With that, my dad grabbed my mother by arm and stomped out of my room, slamming the door on the way. I sunk onto my bed and pulled out my phone. Setting an alarm for three hours later, I settled down in my clothes and fell asleep planning.

Around four, my phone started vibrating my mattress in the most uncomfortable way. I crawled out of bed and began packing as quietly as humanly possible. I had to leave. Don’t think me cruel, or anything, but my father posed an ultimatum. I was simply responding in the most direct way. As I did my best to fold t-shirts and pants into tiny squares, I wracked my brain for the number of Render’s apartment. Even after I packed all of my essentials, I could only remember the first two digits. I never called him. I was never away from him…until now. Shrugging as I crushed the suitcase closed, I decided to just take the bus and walk.

I slid on my headphones as I slid out my front door for the last time. I didn’t bother with a lock since I refused to bring my keys. I strolled to the bus stop and had a long anxious wait for the bus. Every time I heard a noise or saw some shadow, my whole body would tense. Somewhere in my mind, I was sure that my parents head me leave. I was sure they were coming to drag my ass back and force straight-dom upon me. I guess the rollercoaster of the day got to me because I found myself drifting off.

I awoke as the bus was leaving. “Fuck.” I mumbled. The strange half-nap left me more groggy than I was before. Stretching and groaning, I knew that waiting for the next bus into the city would ensure that I missed Render and the first few classes. “Guess, I’ll just take the bus to school with all my shit.” I remarked to the empty bus stop.

“You really don’t need to do that.” A gravelly voice interrupted my thoughts. Glancing up, I cringed. Rage sat in his grey mustang grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Hop on in, pet. Can’t be late to school, can we?”

I scowled and squirmed. Rage always made me uncomfortable. “I’m not your pet.”

His gravelly laugh scraped at my nerve endings. “Of course, of course.” He chuckled waving his hand dismissively, “Just get on in. Don’t want you to freeze to death.”

Blank-faced, I replied “It’s about to be spring.” But I got in anyway. I wouldn’t make it to school if I didn’t and making amends with Render was far more important than swallowing my pride for half an hour. So I got in the mustang and made a thorough examination of the floor mats for about twenty minutes until I felt the car pull to a stop.

“Well, thanks…” I said, quickly reaching for the door handle only to find it locked. I jumped at the sound of Rage’s voice but still hadn’t raised my eyes.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He chuckled some more.

“To class.” I retorted sarcastically to the sound of more ringing laughter. Finally I looked around. Trees, in every direction, as far as I could see. Just trees. “Where the fuck are we!” I asked as calmly as I could. It came out a whisper even as my inside broiled in panic.

Rage’s hand gripped the back of my neck slamming my forehead against the unforgiving window. I whimpered falling against the door as light swam in my vision. “You don’t need to know where we are. No one will ever find you. You’ll truly be mine.”

“You don’t want me.” I replied weakly as my hand subtly sought the door’s lock. “I’m weak and soft and badly trained.”

Rage gave me a slow feral smile. “All of the can be changed, shaped, my pet. I will shape you. Make you perfect.” He stroked my thigh like it would be his next meal. “Perfect.” He grinned before digging his nails into it.

I screeched and found the lock. Throwing the door open, I fell out. Scrambling for purchase on the dew damp ground, I crawled then stood and ran. I ran screaming over the shouts and curses I could hear from Rage. I’m not sure what I was screaming, but in my brain, the screams would keep me safe.

Until I fell, like some blond bitch in a horror film, I tripped on the forest floor. Once I hit the ground, it was over. My head ached from its earlier impact, and my legs throbbed with receding adrenalin. I felt like the forest was swallowing me. I tried to scream, but a hand shoved my head into the ground.

Breathless, Rage still sounded superior and powerful. Tears streamed down my face. How dumb was I! I got in the car with him. I trusted him. I would have laughed if my gut wasn’t full of abject terror.

“Well, that was smart.” I saw Rage’s grin out the one eye that wasn’t full of dirt. “Goodnight, pet.”

The last I remember was a hot pungent taste as Rage caught my mouth in his hands.

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