Stand Still

by, Cassandra

I guess I’ve got a little more growing up to do.

Not surprising, I’ve ran into more obstacles. Dead-end roads and cutting words. Misunderstandings and outright dismissals. Lies and fights and way too much pride. Excuses and justifications. It’s always something, right?

Mostly, though, it’s me.

I’m scared and I’m tired, though I have no idea why, because I’ve never really done anything… have I? I’ve grown up (in part), and, yes, that’s tiring in and of itself, but not like this. Why does it seem so hard to get up these days? Why does it feel like I’m losing ground?

Maybe it’s that a part of me has bought into the lies I’ve heard. The lies I’ve told myself time and time again. Maybe I believe that I don’t have the strength to become anything more then what I am now. Maybe I let them convince me that I belong in the background, that I’ll never be deserving of the limelight. Maybe.

If so, I’ve got to get past it.

If not… then what am I missing?

Used to be, I didn’t know who I was. Used to be, I didn’t know what I had (or didn’t have). Used to be… I wouldn’t have had the courage to ask these questions.

Used to be… scratch that. I’m still struggling.