The Plea Against Rape. (for more information on this little topic check out the two posts in my profile under the section Grinds My Gears.)

“Even though she had been so violated, been raped so many times by her brutal ex-boyfriend, Brian’s eyes showed that she would never have to worry about that ever again.” (Taken from no particular source, but countless variations on that theme can be found almost anywhere online.)

Many writers here and on Fanfiction dot net romanticize rape. They romanticize abuse. They romanticize Battered Women’s Syndrome, self-harm, drug addiction. They romanticize countless other horrible situations that are not romantic at all, simply because those things seemingly make good plot devices.

Here’s a wake-up call: Rape is not romantic.It is painful, it is brutal, and it is wrong. It should not be used to contrast your character’s ex with the future superhero boyfriend, to demonize the villain, or to just use the clichéd abusive stepfather plot device. Yes, these things happen in real life, but they are not fun. They do not always a good plot make, simply so your character can have nightmares or bruises or scars that another character can comfort them on.

"...I am tired of seeing rape on my TV and in my fiction because it’s never addressed, it’s used, and used badly, and used for all the wrong reasons. Because it’s used and abused by writers and filmmakers and media people we run the risk of trivializing rape. Or, worse, seeing it as something slightly arousing...That point comes when it stops being about helping, informing, or supporting women and becomes more about how many people they can shock and how many ratings points that will generate. And that is really disgusting.
In other media, particularly in SF/F media, rape is thrown in as a plot point, or for a bit of easy characterization. As I said above, if you see a character raping someone, that is usually an indication that the character is meant to be evil. It’s quick and easy for the creator to do this. I wonder if they even consider the implications of it?
Another way creators use rape is to show that a character (99 percent of the time a female one) is ’strong’. She may have been raped, but that didn’t reduce her to a snivelling mess, oh no! She got angry! She got strong! She got even! Thus passively putting down any woman who was actually raped and did not react in that way. This is also quick characterization, and it’s just as cheap and lazy as ‘he’s a rapist so we know he’s the bad guy’.
The problem with this use of rape in fiction and media is twofold. It’s cheap and lazy, as I said, and it’s also using rape instead of addressing it. When we see rape in media, we see it used as a way for men to exert their power over women, or used as a way to tell us something about a character, or used to drive a plot in a certain direction, or used to highlight vulnerability, depravity, and power struggles FOR ENTERTAINMENT ." (theangryblackwoman from wordpress dot com)

Rape kills a little part of you. It kills a little bit of every person you later date if they know about it. You may have nightmares for the rest of your life. Sometimes you just can’t be comforted and you just have to wait until the pain goes away a little.

Abuse, being a person in love with your batterer, self-harm, every bad thing that gets a sung about or is a “zomg” plot point. It doesn’t matter if the writer themselves practiced self-harm (note: this pertains to those who “cut” and do certain, select kinds of self-harm for attention) it doesn’t make you an expert. It’s not a permission slip or an excuse to use it in your plot. If it’s absolutely necessary, then it might be “okay” to use it, but most of the time it’s unnecessary.

What’s that? You’re just trying to get the word out about how horrible it really is? Sometimes other people know better than you do, and they can do a better job at showing that. Look at the movie Boys Don’t Cry or Soldier’s Girl . Those two movies alone spurred thousands of people to look deeper into rape and queerphobic violence and be more aware of their actions.

I myself was once a writer who used rape and abuse and Battered Women’s Syndrome as a plot device. Four years after I abandoned the whole mess as being way too clichéd, I met a victim of both rape and abuse, and I was horrified that I had once attempted to write something romanticizing what had happened to her. I thought I knew what rape was about. I was wrong. Words often can’t describe what rape does to you, how abuse stays with the victim, the depth of those who self-harm’s inner turmoil.

Words can’t describe it.

It’s not romantic.

So stop.