Sarina sighed as she watched her friends play twister in her living room. She wasn’t in the mood to play. She laughed as she watched them fall one by one. She felt like a little girl with so much energy but yet she felt something missing. She looked over at her friend Jake.

"Having fun?" she asked as he laughed. He looked over at her and smiled. She really like her friend Jake but the sad part was, she doubts he like her. How could he like a girl like her? She sighed again and looked down at her feet.

"Yeah. I’m having lots of fun" he replied. She looked up at him and smiled. Jake was taller than her, about 5’9". He had blonde hair with blue eyes. He was sweet and cute but she felt like she wasn’t good enough for him. The thought of liking him made her feel sick somewhat. He wouldn’t be happy with her. At least to her that’s what she felt like.

She shrugged off the feeling as she stared up at Jake. He looked away then back at her. She blushed a little and giggled as he poked her in the stomach.

Sarina couldn’t help liking him. Sometimes you can’t control who you like. Sometimes you just need to follow your heart. She smiled slightly at the thought but still felt sad.

"Sarina!" someone shouted. She looked over at the person shouted. It was her friend Emma. Sarina beamed at her. "Come on and play twister with us! You love this game!" Sarina nodded and walked over to the twister board.

"Ok! Right hand on red!" Michelle shouted. She looked up to see how many people were in her living room. She counted about eight people al talking at once. She stood quietly while trying to listen into some of the conversations.

"Sarina?" Richard said while waving his hand in front of her face.

"What?" she responded while turning her attention over to him.

"Right foot green" he told her.

A couple hours has gone and she looked up at the clock. Her friends began leaving one by one. She laughed and chatted pointless subjects. She loved learning something new about her friends and seeing their point of views on certain subjects.

About half an hour later everyone left. She plopped onto the couch and closed her eyes. The thought of Jake crossed her mind. She growled at herself.

All you could be is a friend she thought bitterly. She stood up and grabbed her journal and a pen so she could write in it.

Hello My little Journal

So, my friends came over and hung out with me. It was fun but I feel slightly sad. I really like a guy but he’s like one of my best friends plus I doubt he likes me back anyway. Why do I keep putting myself down? Maybe it’s because I don’t want to see myself as conceited in anyway but doing that causes me to have low self-esteem and self-confidence. Whatever. I don’t give a damn about what happens to me as long as people around me are happy.

I want to see people be happy even if it hurts me. I’m over my ex and I want him to find his happiness. Honestly. I need to find my happiness too but I keep trying to keep other people happy that I always feel so sad and empty inside. Maybe I should spend sometime doing things on my own to figure things out. Who knows.

My ex made me realize things. I can do better than him. I deserve better than him. I don’t want a guy who cuts himself, who would cheat on me. Who isn’t a sadist. I want a guy who is sweet, caring, who is either positive or realist. But isn’t so negative. Whatever. I’m still young.

The reason I like Jake is because he cares about me. And he was there for me when a lot of things have been happening and I want to be there for him. But who knows. I shouldn’t be negative and doubt he likes me. Whatever happens, happens. A lot weird things happen. That would be awesome if he did like me and wanted to go out with me. Off to bed for me.

Sarinafinishedwritinginherjournal and closed it. She sighed as she looked up at the ceiling. Another day is coming, the same emptiness would remain there. She laughed a little at the thought then headed to her room.

A/N

So the character Sarina, her thoughts and feelings are what I'm going through. And I'm venting through writing. But the events that happened, haha, didn't happen. It's just a story I could build on. But the people who do know me in real life, the names have been changed. :-P Try to figure out who character is which. Some are obvious, and I'm hoping something. Hahaha. I hope the guy I like won't figure out what his character is so he won't find out I like him. So I guess in a way, this story won't be perfect, and I still haven't thought of a plot, mainly because, it's like a story about someone life. Except without the events lol. I hoped you enjoyed the first chapter. If there's any errors and such, let me know.