Rosalyn Miller

She picked up a water bottle from the table, chugging it with greed, notebook in her other hand. Small ravines of water trickled out the sides of her mouth as the bottle shook.

“Woah, slow down Rose! You’ll drown yourself!”

The tiny woman laughed dryly, and put the bottle down, and wiped her mouth. “Oh, I doubt it George. I’ve survived thirty years at this company. I doubt a little water will hurt.”

George chuckled and put his headset back on. “If you say so. You’re on in 5.”

“Alright.”

She stuck her hand in her pocket, fiddling with something or another.

“George, would you say that you’re happy?”

He didn’t answer.

“Oh, you’ve got the headphones on… never mind then.”

She grabbed her cell phone from off the backstage table. Her thumb struggled as she pressed each individual button. She then put the phone to her ear.

“I’m sorry. The person you have contacted is not able to come to the phone right now. To leave a message, wait for the tone, or press one for more options.”

“Beep.”

“Johnny, it’s me. I just wanted to tell you the speech is about to begin. I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

Rose shuffled her feet as the last seconds seemed to crawl by. Then, George held up five fingers, and the voice of the host could be heard.

“… which leads me to this. My fellow employees let me introduce the woman that has made this all possible. Rose Miller!”

Rose deftly approached the podium, giving the announcer a small smile and thanks as she set her notebook down. She adjusted the microphone slightly.

“ I thought I’d be needing that notebook, but I guess I won’t. I guess not…”

A nervous laughter echoed in the audience. Knuckles white, she clutched the sides of the podium, attempting to appear like she belonged.

“Hello. My name is Rosalyn Miller. I am— or, was— the chairman of the council that made this all happen. And for that, I am very proud.”

Applause.

“Now, we all know that this council has made some amazing things happen this year. From the charity cook-off to the 5-K run, I believe we have made this community a better place for those in need.”

More applause.

Rose took one strained hand off the stand and put it into her dress pocket.

“Yes, this community is a better place indeed. And you all are wonderful people for that. Just wonderful people. I’ve worked with so many of you. Which begs the question…”

A silence followed.

“… really, why do we help people? What makes it worth helping them? Now don’t worry, I’m not here to give you a lecture. But I wonder, what makes free help so… so wonderful? Hands?”

A short bald businessman in the third row raised his hand.

“Yes, Richard?”

“To make our community a better, safer place. To save lives. To create a healthy environment. For the betterment of all men and women.”

His answer received a round of applause. Rosalyn allowed a small smile, her eyes shimmering.

“Yes, Richard. To make our world a better place. A safer place. Because after all, human lives are at stake.”

“Now can anyone tell me why we really help people? Because until now, I thought I had a complete understanding. Anyone? Can anyone tell me anything?” Anger leaked into her voice. The few hands that had remained extended slowly retracted. Like robots, the audience stared unblinkingly at the stage in shock.

Rose laughed. “So no one can tell me? Of course, no one can tell me the real reason. Do you want to know why no one can tell me? It’s because I know…” she shook her finger and glanced off stage, where George started to take off his headphones.

“ You see, I know why we help people! I’ve figured it all out! It’s all selfish, you see?” She laughed again. “ It’s all to make ourselves feel better! I’ve been alive for fifty years, and I can tell you, we do it to make us feel better! There’s no substitute for feeling like we’ve done something unconditional. But you see— it’ not unconditional. We do it to make ourselves feel better. Nothing is unconditional. Nothing. Not this. Not that. Not anything. And nothing is ever free.”

George began to approach the podium. The audience remained silent.

“And you know what that led me to believe? If we simply do things for selfish desires, then how can anything truly be unconditional? If someone must always give something for something else, how can anything ever be free? Why do we love— to make ourselves feel better. That’s never free. Why do we believe in a God? To make ourselves feel better! It’s all in here, you see, all in here!!” But instead of pointing to her head, she pulled her hand out from her pocket. It was small, shiny, and she gestured with it to her head. Some of the audience members began to scream.

“George is that — ” A backstage man asked.

“Oh God.”

“My husband, Jonathan — you all know Johnny, right? — He’s not like that. He believes that love is free. He believes that helping people makes the world a better place. I was like that too. But if someone killed your husband at a charity auction this very morning, you’d change too.”

The audience stopped, suddenly. Some woman started crying. George’s mouth hung open as he approached the stage. Rosalyn stood wild and defiant, tears bleeding from her eyes, her arm still at her head.

“That free and selfless mentality, it’s all in here. All in the head. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be. Not all of it has to be in here! Not anymore! I’m done, you see! I’m done! Jonathan is done, and so am I”

George inched to the podium. “Rosalyn, don’t—”

“Don’t what? I’m done, you see, I’m done!!”

“Rose, just put the—”

“But I’m DONE!”

“Rose—”

“I’M DONE, I’M DONE, I’M DONE—”

Then her speech was done.