Strell All

Chapter 1: S is for Suffocation, Sorrow, and Stupidity

The sun was setting beyond the great hills, and silence hung about the air just like mist, though voices broke through, like exploding fireworks, coming from a very not-so-quiet source.

“And, so, like, you should’ve seen the way he smiled at me! And then, you won believe this, but then he actually hugged me! It wasn’t like a 2-second friend-hug or anything – it was sooo long! And the best thing is that I’ve heard he might actually dump Selene!”

Julie, temporarily exhausted of her rant, stopped walking and fell back on a tree, looking at the setting sun dreamily.

Sensing it was her turn to relay the day’s events, Raquel spoke up. “You know Henry in our math class, Julie?”

Julie nodded, and somehow I was left out of the conversation and sidewalk as they started to walk on. This walk home from school was starting to be a total bummer, seeing as no one even bothered to acknowledge my existence.

“Well, don’t you think he has the dreamiest eyes?” Not waiting for an answer, Raquel went right on. “They’re like blue and green and they’re really dark, too. And he’s so hot, and guess what? He’s single! I’m going pluck up the courage to talk to him one of these days – it’ll be great,” she punctuated with a long and exaggerated sigh.

I bit down my urge to remind her that Henry has no idea who the hell Raquel is, and that she’d probably just end up embarrassing herself, like she always managed to do anyways. I might not have liked any guy for the last year or so, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember how common sense just isn’t there when you are infatuated with someone.

As if suddenly realizing I too was a carbon-based life form on the same planet as she Julie turned around and asked, “What about you – anything new, Strell?”

Rough Translation: Do you like any male homo sapiens or not?

My usual answer had already left my lips without me even registering it. “Nope, same as always.”

Apparently, my friends have the oddest habit of asking me that coded question, as if my answer would change if they asked me every other minute of my life.

But Julie looked at me for a second, something briefly flickering in her eyes, and ran a hand through her brown tresses; it was something she always did when her mind was occupied. But as her hand left her hair, I noticed something different: her half of our “Best Friend” charm bracelets was missing.

As Julie and Raquel turned and walked on, chattering loudly about guys, I glanced down ay my bracelet. ‘Friend’ was engraved on the cool metal. Several years ago, I had let Julie have the “Best” one, seeing as she truly was the best of all my friends, and I couldn’t care less about anything else. Ever since that day so long ago, we wore our bracelets every single day of the week, never forgetting, as if they were our second skins (besides clothing, of course.) I had even slept with mine on a few nights.

A quick wave of fear washed over me, making me want to curl up in fetal position. Did she not wear her bracelet on purpose?

“Julie, where’s your best friend bracelet?’ I asked. My paranoia was etched in my slightly shaky voice. I was already hoping she had lost it or broken it my mistake.

Julie turned to me, her hazel eyes widening, the same emotion as before swimming into them.

“Oh my God, Strell! I must’ve forgotten! So sorry, it won’t happen again!” she exclaimed. I narrowed my eyes a bit. I have known Julie for almost a decade, well over half my life, and knew was lying through her teeth.

Julie must have seen the look on my face, for she shot a glance at Raquel, who was silent all this time. I took that glance to mean, “Leave us alone ‘cause we need to talk. Alone. Now.”

Raquel knew it all too well, for she was the ultimate master of facial expressions, being the best actress in the Drama Club and all, with her large and expressive blue eyes and her naturally pouting mouth.

Just as expected, she exclaimed, “Guys, I just remembered, I have to check on Suzie for those drama costumes! I’ll talk to you later, k?”

Without waiting for an answer, she waved, sprinting away back to school. This left just Julie and me. Wondering what she wanted to tell me, I fell into step with her. I could tell she wanted to tell me something important, but didn’t know how to make it out. So I waited.

Then, finally, it seemed after ages, for even the sun had set, Julie turned to me again and sighed deeply.

“Things aren’t the way they used to be, are they, Strell?” she asked sadly. It was more of a statement than a question.

I mentally winced, but kept my mouth shut. She was right. As random as that question was, she was completely right; we hardly hung out anymore, and when we did, we had nothing to talk about, not even school, seeing as we had no classes together. We were extremely close before; telling each other about the guys we liked, and everything we liked about them. We would understand each other’s choices completely and try to help one another. But though I haven’t liked anyone for an entire year, I thought that guys could not be the only link between us. I thought that we were stronger than that. But now I’m starting to have second thoughts.

She glanced at me, and then lowered her eyes, staring at a rock on the sidewalk before going on. “I really hate to say this, but I just need to clear some things up, Strell.”

Another awkward pause. I could tell where this was going.

“It’s like we have nothing in common anymore, y’know? We hardly do talk,” she continued cautiously.

At this point, I opened my mouth, willing myself to protest, to yell, to shriek like a drunken banshee, to do anything to stop what was coming. Nevertheless, no words dropped out of my mouth, and I shut it again and simply stared at Julie, feeling quite retarded.

Julie couldn’t quite meet my gaze, and her eyes kept flickering nervously back and forth between me, a nearby tree, and the stone on the ground.

“Strell….,” she said quietly, “you …Y-you still don’t think w-we’re best friends,…..do you?”

My throat tightened. I fought to make my countenance expressionless. As I did, a variety of random, desperate thoughts entered my head, and I was inexplicably reminded of how couples break up in those exaggerated soap operas that I hated watching with my friends.

Taking my silence probably the worst way possible, Julie went on rapidly. “It’s just that I don’t want to pretend we’re close and know everything about each other and can talk for hours straight when we can’t Strell. I hate pretending to be something I’m not,” she said, pain flitting in her eyes.

I somewhat understood where she was coming from. But most of me wanted to shake Julie vigorously and ask her if she’d taken any drugs lately. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded. “You’re right, Julie,” came my rather throaty reply.

There was nothing more for me to say. Everything she had said was completely true. My worst fears had been confirmed. I just couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen this coming earlier.

Then, Julie did something that stabbed a deep cut into my very core. She took out her “Best” bracelet out her pocket, took my lifeless hand, and put the bracelet in it.

“I’m so sorry, Strell. I wish we were as close as we’ve been. But we’re still friends, right?” she said softly.

She waited for a minute, waiting for my answer. I didn’t want to lie. I knew we wouldn’t be friends, either. The awkwardness this situation has put between us would remain perhaps forever. I couldn’t face her knowing we weren’t best friends anymore. Julie realized I wasn’t going to answer, bit her lip, and turned away to walk the rest of the way home.

And I was left, still holding the “Best” bracelet in my outstretched hand, my face blank, like some stupid wax statue at a museum.

Let me tell you, this is worse than any guy leaving any girl, probably ten times worse. To have your best friend – the person you trusted and poured all your secrets in, the person who could always make you laugh when you wanted to punch someone or cry – abandon you just because of guys, those lecherous things of the opposite sex, is just too much. Right then, standing still on the sidewalk, a rush of wind blowing my hair back, I realized that I had put my heart kind of in my friends, all of them. Don’t we all? Not our families, who never really understand us, not our crushes, who we are always trying to please, but our friends, who like us for who we are. Or so I thought. I loved them like the best of sisters. But the only difference was that your blood sister is always your sister, no matter what, but I had lost my closest sister and friend in mere minutes.

Clutching the “Best” bracelet close to my heart, tears pricking the corners of my eyes, I turned and went home.

The next morning, I woke up, hoping that my horrid conversation with Julie was just a nightmare, one that I could laugh with her over on AIM. But as I turned to my bedside table, I saw the “Best” bracelet there, silently mocking my bestfriendlessness. Feeling a sudden urge to kill someone, I flung the bracelet across the room, causing it to hit my closet door and shatter into pieces.

I flung the covers from over me, and started to pace my small room, thinking furiously.

So what if I didn’t like any guys at the moment? I’d rather not gossip over some stupid and ignorant male, thanks very much! I could not believe it: Boys had broken up Julie and me. We were supposed to be best friends forever – through everything and anything. We even made a commitment back in 2nd grade, to remain the best of friends until we die in nursing homes, bothering the nurses with glee.

I was so foolish, almost living in the 2nd grade. Believing people don’t change and would always be there for you. Now that I thought about it, this sophomore year has really sucked for me. There was no excitement or inside jokes and some people have even stopped talking to me! I’ve been living off other people, I guess, and their gossip and lives. And yet, I missed Julie. We would never have sleepovers or share those rare inside jokes or laugh until we cry. It used to be like that in the years before the last. Before I stopped liking anyone.

I stopped short of pacing. Before I stopped liking anyone. Was this the solution? Like someone? Would it be that simple?

Seeing as I had no hormonal urges at the moment, I didn’t like anyone. But I could pretend to. Why not? I took a piece of paper and wrote down a few names of people that I knew would talk to me again if I ‘liked’ someone.

The List

Julie

Sami

Alline

Belle

Nan

Jack

Gary

Nick

Jem

Halie

And the list went on and on. These people were hungry for the latest gossip and would do anything to get their hands on it.

Feeling a rush of excitement, I pulled out another piece of paper from my desk.

The List #2: Guys to ‘Like’

Jerry

Michael

Howl

Dom

Derek

I stopped there. Derek Delaney - the perfect guy to like. He was sort of cute, smart, and funny. Plus, he was extremely nice and hardly made fun of anyone.

I smiled. He would be perfect and just scandalous enough for it to spread like wildfire.

If liking a guy was the key to being talked to and having friends that care about you, then I was going to use him for that.

A/N: Hoped you liked it!