Author's note: This idea came to me when I thought about the writing topic 'Choices' in Reviewers Kingdom. A 'What If' story of sorts.

The smell of books was soothing, a temporary tonic to the loneliness that had become a constant companion since Jane had moved away. School had only been in session for a few weeks, but it felt much longer than that without my friend around. True, Lisa was still there, but it wasn’t really the same. Truth be told, Jane had been the one who had bound us together as friends and as sisters.

‘Funny, we don’t know how much someone means to us until they aren’t there anymore.’ I thought as I traveled among the shelves of the library. Over the past two years, it had become a haven and a refuge for me. Then again, all libraries were home to me. This year however, I seemed to be coming here more and more often.

It was my second time today and Mrs. Heartless, as we had nicknamed her, was going to be a bit more than pissed off if I didn’t hurry up. I was already cutting it close. However I had met someone a few minutes ago and I was hoping that I’d be able to catch up with her and tell her about an idea that was buzzing in my brain before it got away.

“Stop.” A voice rang in my mind, just as I spotted her shutting down the program.

Something in that strangely familiar voice made me put the breaks on in a hurry. ‘Only a fool,’ I thought, ‘wouldn’t listen to the warning that sent shattered glass though your nerves regardless of how quietly the word had been spoken.’ Annoyed because I was going to be late if I didn’t hurry, I turned my head to deliver a stinging retort, only to feel the words clog like ash in my throat.

The person who had stopped me was me.

Those sad shattered blue eyes held mine with an unwavering calm, the detached calm that comes only when a person’s soul or spirit has been almost completely shattered, yet I also saw the desperate hope hidden deep inside that still struggled to find some crumb to live for. The eyes of my older self suddenly made me think of when my bedroom mirror had been broken, but when I tried to have it reassembled, there were still quite a few pieces missing.

Swallowing, I nodded once in solemn respect before following her back among the shelves. For some reason, I couldn’t even protest that I was going to be in trouble if I didn’t hurry up. As though reading my thoughts, my ‘sister’ smiled as she faced me again.

“Don’t worry, you won’t get into trouble with Heartless, or at least not more trouble then usual. However, this is one lonely person’s cry for help that you don’t want to answer.”

“Why?” I asked softly, looking over my shoulder to look at the person that I had originally come to see. In silence, I studied the dark beauty that seemed to swirl around the other girl as she put her stuff away; when I found myself staring, I gave myself a sharp mental bitch-slap before returning my attention back to my older self.

Shadows clouded those eyes that were more knowing than mine. “I stopped you because you will loose far more than you will gain by associating with her little sister. Will she teach you what you want to know? Yes. However, looking back, the price of that knowledge is much too high…”

I frowned. “You mean that she’ll become a kind of shortcut?”

“Exactly.”

Seeing the depth of the love/hate that suddenly flashed across the face of my older self, I was suddenly hit with the thought that coming back to undo this must be just as painful if not more so than what must have happened. “Were we happy?” I asked timidly.

“For a short time, we were the happiest we had ever been, the rest of it…” She paused, as though wondering how much she could tell me without saying too much. Agony crossed her face then, and she looked to be in mortal pain.

“Let me guess: A taste of heaven, followed by a lifetime of hell, and in the end fighting and failing to get back to heaven?” I offered, smiling at her surprise. “I might be younger than you, but I’m still you. Still, I don’t understand something. If we grew apart, fought or whatever, why wouldn’t we just become dead to the other person and move on with our separate lives?”

A new respect filled my older self’s eyes. “That’s just it. We couldn’t.” At my puzzled look, she elaborated. “Think of two magnets, the ones you used in class today.”

I flinched. “I get it, one minute best friends, the other trying to kill each other. It sounds like in the end; our meeting only hurt each other more than it helped.” Suddenly I paused. “We couldn’t break the cycle, so you came back to try and stop it before it starts.” I realized.

“The choice is yours Little Sister.” The other one said.

Torn now, I took one more look at the other person who would have become the other half of the tangle. “What about her?” I asked, not wanting to hurt anyone else if I knew that I could have helped them.

“She’ll be lonely, you both will for a while, but she’ll eventually find happiness. Both of you will be unmarred, but it won’t be easy to stay away. You might be compelled by the side effects to keep things how they were. ” My older self warned me.

If any other person had told me that, I would have done it anyway, just because it was in my nature to help somebody in pain. After seeing just how much my other self had cared about her, my throat ached with unshed tears. This was what true love really was, the complete willingness to sacrifice something that you held dear to save someone else you loved without regret, even if it broke your heart.

Turning my head to say something else, I found that I was alone. My eyes filled with tears, taking a minute of mourning for what could have been and would never be. “Sorry Liz…” I whispered. “To help would be the worst thing I could ever do for both of us. You’ll thank me someday, I promise.”

Before I changed my mind, I left…

“Lynnette! Wake up! You are going to be late.” My mother’s harsh voice jarred me out of my sleep and ended the dream I’d been remembering. Muttering, I let my mother aid me in getting dressed before putting me back into my wheelchair.

Still more than half asleep, I put in my glasses to finish getting ready. By the time I had finished yanking at my hair, I was awake. Studying my reflection in the mirror as I brushed my teeth, I couldn’t help but grin, never-minding the toothpaste that squished out between my teeth as a result.

My elder self had been right, I had been lonely for a while, but that had changed completely in high school. At the last second, Heartless had announced that she wouldn’t be able to come with us to high school. So instead of Heartless, upon entering high school I met Doni, the person who would become my favorite aide, best friend, and teacher.

Looking back, high school really hadn’t been much different than middle school, but I didn’t really mind. Seeing a glimpse of what might have been… excitement was the last thing I would have needed.

It was also in high school that I honed my growing interest in writing, something that came as a rather nasty surprise to my parents. However, between Doni’s help as well as other resources that I’d found (mainly books); it seemed that I was doing just fine. Well enough to graduate with high honors anyway, no romance to get in the way, but that was perfectly fine.

After all, I had learned a lesson about looking before I took a leap.

Occasionally, I’d wonder about Liz. I had never seen her again after I’d left the school’s library that day. Still, knowing my older self, I wasn’t worried. Somehow, I knew that she was as happy as I was.

Finally finished with my teeth, I sped into my room to get my bag. Resting the heavy denim book bag in my lap, I went back to the mirror before heading off to my class. Seeing the bright light that now lit up my eyes in my reflection, I only grinned again.

‘Thanks for watching out for me ‘Big Sis’.’ I thought, as I had done every day since starting high school. ‘We’re both happier now.’