Chapter 14: Our Great Divide

How can I see through your eyes my destiny?
I fall apart,
You bleed for me.
How can I see through your eyes our world collide?
Open your heart, to close our great divide
– Tarja Turunen, Our Great Divide

Vincent curled up against the outside of Cerdwin’s castle wall with me sitting p against his side, cross-legged and miserable. It was getting dark and Thomas was sleeping. Vincent and I had stopped talking a few hours earlier, and now we were just sitting.

I didn’t want to go inside. I didn’t want to be anywhere near Cerdwin. She was the one who made me leave when Keir was still there. I didn’t like her or her false (in my opinion) kindness.

“So are you leaving us soon?” Vincent asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Yes.” I muttered. “I’ve been here long enough.”

“… Are you ever coming back?”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “I honestly can’t tell you. I hardly know myself.” I sighed. “Right now I just want to retreat to the world I know and… well, sleep for the first week or so.”

Obviously disappointed, Vincent muttered, “You could stay here, you know.”

“What, with Cerdwin?” I chuckled humorlessly. “I’d rather die. That woman represents nothing but bad to me.”

“She’s not all that bad.” Vincent replied. “As I recall, she was very nice the last time you were here. And Keir never had anything against her.”

I didn’t have a reply for that. Vincent rested his head on his crossed forelegs, turning so he could look at me out of the corner of his right eye.

“I’d get to see you.” He pointed out.

I scrubbed my hands mercilessly through my tangled hair, managing to mess it further rather than settle it down as I’d hoped. “Do you really miss me that much?”

“… Yes.” Vincent sighed quietly. “Every day.”

I leaned forward and rested my left elbow on my knee, letting my head fall into my open palm. I glanced at him. “I know I’m being selfish.”

“Well I wouldn’t call it selfish, exactly…” Vincent replied.

“Then what would you call it?”

“… Careless of the feelings of others.” He coughed. “Dragons especially.”

I chuckled in spite of myself. “That is the definition of selfish, you limey little… well, not little, I guess.”

“No. Not for a while.” He agreed.

“Well, I have missed you.” I admitted, and he raised his head. “There have been about a hundred times that I’ve heard a song or seen something or read a book that I wanted to show you.” I sighed and leaned back against him.

“I’ve felt the same.” Vincent replied.

I sighed. “I dont want to leave forever.”

“All I ask is that you come back.” Vincent murmured. “Ive waited this long to see you. I can wait for you to heal before we visit again.”

“Thanks. Thats extremely mature of you.” I murmured.

“I do my best.”

“Kaie?”

Cerdwin’s voice made me stiffen. Before I could ignore her Vincent broke in “Its getting late. Why dont you go inside, where its warm? Sleep, and then well talk more tomorrow.”

“… Fine…” I agreed. I stood and stretched the kinks out of my back, turning to face Cerdwin. “Yes?”

“Your friends are asking about you.” Cerdwin murmured. I knew that she could read my mind, and she knew that I wasnt all that fond of her. She didnt treat me any worse for it. “I was beginning to worry as well. Are you feeling alright?”

I shrugged, trying not to be too rude. I didnt want to set a bad example for Vincent, though I could tell that he was already far more mature than me. “As alright as one can be after seeing someone they care about die.”

Cerdwin nodded and smiled sadly. “I know, Kaie. Im sorry.”

“Yeah. Well, that makes two of us.”

I said a silent farewell to Vincent, waving slightly with my pointer finger as I followed Cerdwin into her castle. She led me through the halls and up a set of stares, reminding me of how I had followed a baby Vincent down to find a group of elves set to destroy the castle.

Theyd mentioned something about the castle being linked to Cerdwins power. Was it true? I felt it wasnt my place to ask.

“Isnt there anything you can do?” I heard myself asking. “About Keir, I mean?”

“… Youre asking if I can bring him back.” She murmured.

“Yes. I am.” I murmured. To explain myself, I added, “I know you know I dont take well to you. But Im not asking this for myself. I want to tell him something important. This is for him. Is there any way for you to bring him back? Youve reset time before, I would think that youd be able to do something like that.”

“… Im sorry, Kaie.” She murmured without looking at me. “I cant do that sort of thing. Its not within my powers.” I didnt say anything and after a pause, she added, “And I dont blame you for disliking me, Kaie. I understand that more than you think. But I made you leave because I thought it best, and Keir agreed with me. You were blinded by your emotions. You were too young to see what we could. Do you understand that?”

Wed come to the door, which had lead to my room in the time before. She opened it and I was surprised not to find Erin and Leah sharing with me.

“No.” I murmured. “I dont.”

“No.” Cerdwin repeated. “Thats alright, Kaie. I understand.”

She turned and began to walk away, leaving me at the door to the room. I turned to watch her, clearing my throat. “But thank you. Im sorry that I cant see things as you do.”

She paused without turning. “Dont be. Sometimes it’s better to be blinded, especially if youre blinded by love.”

Cerdwin had laid out a white linen nightgown for me and I was anxious to be wearing something clean. I pulled off my clothes and threw them in the corner of the room, pulling the blessedly smooth fabric over my skin. I pushed my hair off of my face and prepared myself to fall into my bed.

I wanted to sleep for the next twenty years.

A knock sounded at my door. I sighed, murmuring, “Come in.”

Erin and Leah entered, dressed similarly in linen nightgowns. The difference was that they were both clean, whereas I had traded a bath for some time to think.

“Hey.” I murmured.

“Hey.” They replied, not quite in unison.

“So… are you feeling any better?” Erin asked.

“I dont know yet.” I murmured. “Well see, tomorrow.”

“Cerdwin said that she could send us home soon, if you wanted.” Leah murmured. “She said something about resetting time, too. What does that mean?”

“It means that no one will know weve been gone.” I replied. “It would be our little secret. Hows that?”

“Good.” Erin murmured unconvincingly.

“So, is it good to be clean again?” I asked.

“Exceedingly.” Leah replied, smiling a little. “Also-“

“Why dont we cut the chit-chat and address the huge elephant in the room?” Erin asked.

“… That would be lovely.” I murmured.

“Well then. Are we really prepared to leave here tomorrow?” Erin asked. “Are we prepared to go back to earth? To go back to school? I dont think I am. Not if I have to leave Ben and Deverell behind.”

“… Ben?” I repeated.

“You missed a lot.” Leah said, clearing her throat.

“Apparently.” I muttered.

“I want to stay here.” Erin murmured. “I don’t want to turn into a miserable bitch like you were after leaving.”

“Thanks for that.” I sighed.

“But we will come back…” Leah murmured.

Leah shrugged. “We can always come back.”

“Don’t you want to go home and see your parents again?” I asked Erin. “They’re important, too. Your mom would die if she thought something happened to you. You know that.”

“… I know.” Erin sighed.

“I do miss my mom and dad.” Leah said quietly.

“I do, too... but I’d miss Deverell even more.” Erin argued.

“But it’s not like we’re going to leave Deverell forever.” I murmured. “We’ll come back, I promise.”

“But how soon?” Leah asked. “You waited for months. I can’t do that.”

“Me neither.” Erin admitted.

“I want you guys to say goodbye to your parents.” I murmured. “Wait a week, at least. Give them time to know that you love them before coming back. Then, if you want to come back and I’m still not ready, I’ll just send you on without me. You can come back in a year or so and see if I’m ready then.”

“I don’t want to leave you behind.” Erin said. “Why wouldn’t you come back?”

“… Have you ever gone back somewhere that someone you loved used to be?” I asked. “Once they die, the place changes. That’s how Deverell is for me.”

“… Oh my god…” Leah breathed. “You loved Keir?”

“Too little, too late.” I murmured.

“We’ll do it.” Erin spoke up. “But Kaie, you do have to come back sometime. Keir wouldn’t want you trapped back on earth. You belong here. You know you do.”

“I don’t know anymore.” I admitted. “I think I belonged with Keir more than I belong in Deverell. I was just blinded by all the expectations I had and the newness of the whole situation. Now... I know better.”

I had thought that, without Keir to leave behind, leaving the beauty of Deverell would be easier. Surprisingly, it wasn’t. A sense of loss built up in my chest, begging me to stay in Deverell. But I had to leave. Back home, I could heal in peace.

Leah and Erin aid goodbye to Lycaen and Ben in private. I didn’t interfere, mostly because I knew it was my fault that they were leaving. Instead, I went outside where I knew that the two creatures I could trust to love me whether I lived or stayed were waiting.

“Come back soon, Kaie.” Thomas murmured. “This world is far too dull without you around to bother me.”

“Thanks for the support.” I muttered, kissing him on his scaled cheek. “Keep Vincent out of trouble for me. Again.”

“As though I’m the one who needs to be kept from trouble.” Vincent muttered.

I turned to him and hugged him, almost wishing he was small enough to rip up my shoulders again. That had been nice. “You keep Thomas out of trouble, too. Keep him from setting fire to any unsuspecting villages now,”

“I take sound offense to that.” Thomas sniffed.

“I know. That’s what I’m here for.” I smiled, wishing I could take a picture of them to frame once I got home. I wanted to be able to see them every day. “I promise to come back. Just give me some time… and I’ll be back to bother the both of you.”

“I await the day with baited breath.” Vincent replied.

“What do you mean, leaving?” Lycaen asked. “You’ve barely spent any time here!”

“I know.” Leah sighed. “I’m sorry, but Kaie is in a lot of pain right now and I need to take care of her. She needs me.”

“I need you, too.” Lycaen muttered. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, glaring at her from under a swatch of unruly hair. “When are you coming back.”

“In a week at he most.” Leah assured him. “I promise I’ll come back. You know I don’t want to leave.”

“Apparently that’s not enough to keep you here.” Lycaen growled.

Leah put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him gently on the mouth. Lycaen relented after a moment and put his arms around her, hugging her tightly.

“I love you.” Leah sighed, putting her arms around his neck.

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” Lycaen sighed into her curly hair.

“I know.” Leah murmured. “Me, too. But sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love, and I love Kaie. She’s been there for me before. Now I need to be there for her.”

Ben held himself awkwardly separate from Erin, unable to decide whether or not he was allowed to hug her. Erin sensed it and made the decision for him, hugging him around the neck.

“I’m going to miss you.” Ben ventured, his heart beating a hint faster.

“I’ll miss you, too.” Erin sighed, pulling back and studying his scarred face. “I’ll be back in a week, though. Do you think you can hold on that long?”

“I’ll do my best.” Ben replied.

Erin smiled unhappily. “Yeah, I know. But at least you’ve got the dragons and Cerdwin and Lycaen and…” she paused, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by mentioning Ellery’s name. “… Everyone else to keep you company while you’re here. And I will be back. In a week. Did I say that already?”

Ben smiled, the bad side of his face twisting as scarred muscle struggled to cooperate. “Yes. You did.”

Erin laughed nervously. “Yes. Well.”

“Well.” Ben fought with himself, debating whether or not he was allowed to use the three words he’d practiced so much in the last few days. “Um… Erin?”

“Yes?”

“I… love you.” Ben murmured.

Erin smiled again, and this time it wasn’t sad. “I love you too, Ben.”

They met in a hug and this time Ben was rewarded with a kiss. Erin hugged him tighter than she ever had before, unwilling to let go. When she finally did, there were tears in her eyes. She wiped them away impatiently.

“God, I’m emo.” She muttered, sniffing slightly. “But I’ll be back in a week.”

“I know.” Ben replied.

Erin took a deep breath. “I have to leave now. I just need to make Kaie feel better, than I’ll be back.”

“… in a week.”

“Yes. In a week.” Erin hugged him again, wishing she could take him with her and knowing that she couldn’t. “Damn, this is difficult.”

Ben kissed her on the forehead. “Go now. People with think I’m ravaging you in here.”

Erin granted him a half-smile. “You’re right. I’ll go.”

Ben brushed a forgotten tear off of her cheek and opened the door for her. “Don’t go falling in love with anyone else while you’re away.”

“I won’t. You’re the last, I swear.” Erin promised, and she walked out into the hall…

… And right into Ellery.

Shit.

“I heard you were leaving.” He murmured.

“… Um, yes. I am.” Erin replied, feeling desperately awkward. “Um. Ellery, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just-“

“It’s fine.” Ellery replied. He brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, goodbye.” Erin sighed, glancing in his eyes before moving aside to let him pass.

Ellery stayed perfectly still. He watched her for a moment, his eyes searching hers for something that wasn’t there.

“Ellery, don’t.” Erin murmured. “We already talked about this.”

He snapped out of it. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Ellery, you’re a good person. You’re handsome. You’re nice. You’re perfect. And I thought that was what I wanted.” Erin shrugged helplessly. “But… it’s not. Ben is perfect for me. You aren’t. And I need you to make sure you aren’t following some blind hope that I’m going to change my mind, because I don’t want to hurt Ben.” She sighed, touching her cheek to find it wet with an escaped tear. “I already hurt you enough. I don’t want him to be hurt, too.”

“I understand.” Ellery murmured.

“Okay. Bye.” Erin passed by him without looking back.

We all stood in a room that was empty, save for a mirror. The last time I’d been there, I had been too angry at Cerdwin to see anything but the bad. Now I was beginning to see that her kindness wasn’t false.

I was the one who was false.

“Your parents won’t know you were gone. The spell is holding nicely.” Cerdwin murmured. “You should go now, before it expires.

“Thank you,” I murmured, and I found that I meant it. Perhaps Deverell had made me wiser. I felt as though I’d aged beyond the time I’d been there.

“You’re welcome.”

Erin, Leah and I held hands. We glanced at one another and in each set of eyes I could see emotions of loss and love, for me and for the ones they were leaving behind. I squeezed both the hands that held mine as a silent thank you. Taking a deep breath, I plunged into the mirror. Slowly, the three of us left Deverell.

It felt like we were going through liquid silver. I couldn’t see Leah or Erin, but I could feel them on either side of me. I began to step forward, but they held back for an instant. After the initial pause, they stepped forward and we went back to the world we knew.

We all sat down on our sleeping bags, staring at the mirror and hardly daring to breath. I felt numb and I shook slightly.

“Was I dreaming all that?” Erin asked quietly. “Or was it real?”

“Unless we were all dreaming the same thing, it was definitely real.” Leah replied.

“It was real.” I pulled my black-stoned pendant from my neck and showed it to them. It glowed dim as an ember, swinging slowly in the air alongside the ring I’d given to Keir what seemed an eternity before.

“Wow.” Erin murmured.

That morning we ate Frosted Cheerios and watched cartoons. None of us paid attention and from time to time one of us would take a turn staring into our cereal bowl as though it held the answer to the meaning of life.

“When do our parents pick us up again?” Erin asked after taking a turn in the stupor. “I want to go back tomorrow.”

“I think they pick you up in an hour or so.” I replied, taking a bite. “You should probably pack up soon and get ready.”

“Can we leave our.. Deverell-things with you?” Leah asked.

I shrugged. “Sure. My mom already knows I’ve been there.”

“Okay. Thank you. I don’t want my parents find them.” She replied.

“I don’t want to be here.” Erin sighed.

“Me neither.” Leah muttered.

“At least you two have someone to go back to.” I replied, and I took my bowl to the sink to wash it.

Erin’s mother showed up first. She came in to visit with my mom. Erin, Leah and I stood in my room, hugging each other.

“Remember,” I whispered, “Don’t talk about Deverell with anyone.”

“I know.” Erin whispered. “I’m not an idiot.”

“We’ll go back soon.” I promised.

“Alright…” Erin started towards the door and then turned back. “Wait, Kaie?”

“Yes?” I murmured.

“I just wanted to say thanks,” Tears appeared in the corners of her eyes. “For bringing us to Deverell.”

I smiled sadly and gave her another squeeze. “You’re welcome.”

When Leah’s mom came to pick up Leah she stayed for tea. Leah and I sat in my room. She held my necklace, gently touching the black stone. She left the ring alone.

“I miss Lycaen.” She whispered.

“I know.” I sighed, looking down at my feet. “But… at least you get to go back to him soon.”

She nodded, giving me a hug. “You miss Keir a lot, don’t you?”

I bit my lip. “Of course.”

“I miss him, too.” Leah handed my necklace back. “He was a beautiful soul. But… he’s watching over you, Kaie.”

Tears burned my eyes. As much as I hated that sort of talk, it helped. “Thanks.”

“Leah!” Her mother’s voice broke through the silence. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, mom.” Leah got to her feet, picking up her bags. She gave me another hug. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“Yeah.” I stood, hugging her back.

“If you need someone to talk to,” Leah murmured, “Even if you think it’s not important, call me.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” She gave my hand a squeeze and then started to the stairs. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” I whispered.

My mom was reading on the couch, wrapped in a fleece blanket. It was a thriller novel, I knew, just by the way her face tensed every few minutes. She was biting her knuckle, biting the faded scar from her favorite stories.

I stood to the side, leaning against the wall.

“Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked. Or, at least, I’d meant to ask that. Instead, all that came out was a sob.

“Mo-om?”

She looked up from the book. “Kaie? Sweetheart, what’s the matter?”

I cried for a long time. She brought me to the couch and hugged me tight as, between sobs, I finally told her about the adventures I’d had in Deverell. She took Tully’s death better than I had, holding me and crying until we were both calm enough to go on. Upon hearing about Keir’s fate, she gave me an even tighter hug.

“Sweetie,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I whimpered. “Everyone wants to go back, and I can’t without him.”

“I know.” She murmured. “I wish you’d have told me sooner… you should never have taken Leah and Erin. It isn’t safe… you shouldn’t have even gone back, not without telling me everything first.”

“I wanted to see Keir.” I whispered.

My mom nodded, running a hand through my hair. “I know, love. I know.”

A few hours later, I popped in my Tarja CD. It was her first since leaving Nightwish, and I felt calmer while listening to it. I switched to Our Great Divide and turned it up before dropping on my bed to think about everything. As my thoughts turned to darker things, I turned the music up, hoping to drown them out.

My thoughts could not be drowned.

After what seemed like an eternity, my mother came to the door. Her eyes were thoughtful, and she whispered, “Sweetie?”

“Yes?” I was close to crying.

“… You told me that you could heal with the pendant. Is that right?”

“Yes. In Deverell, at least. Why?”

“But you couldn’t heal Keir?”

“No.”

“… What if there were three of us?” she asked. “Two halves and one whole. Do you think that might work?”

I paused before sitting up. “Excuse me?”

“I think we may be able to bring him back.”

A/N: Oh snap! Did I just create sequel possibilities? METHINKS I DID!

Okay, so, this is the end of this story, book three will hopefulle be up today, but we'll see. I have to get the black nailpolish off my my fingers and toes for mothers day (tomorrow, actually, because we have to spend time with me grandma who thinks I'm a devilworshiper and I just am not in the mood to deal with her) and I have to work tonight. It will be up by monday at the latest.

Will Keir return? WHO KNOWS! ... wait... I do...