Carefree is Life

The thunder’s cry pierces the sky with its deadening noises. Anvil strikes metal repeatedly. Not but minutes ago I was in it. Now I’m safe in my room where the soaked garments I had worn lie scattered on the floor. Snuggling with my schnauzer, Gracie, I try to forget about what had just taken place. Buts it’s so hard to forget something that terrible.

A storm had caught me off guard at my Grandma’s ranch house where her and I lived alone. My parents had passed away in a car accident and Grandpa died of a stroke. My two best friends in the world lived two minutes walk away in our country home in North Carolina. The day had been warm with the sun’s rays glistening our glowing skin, the breeze whispering to the trees, and the birds singing as if there would be no tomorrow.

Derrick who was fourteen and Ashley who was only eight were brother and sister. I was the oldest at sixteen. Derrick and me got along the best but Ashley always tried to tag along and ruin our good fun.

On this particular day we had decided to explore the other side of the river and deep into the unknown forests where we were told to never go. But temptation and boredom let our minds wonder until we forgot about danger and viewed ourselves as invincible creatures each having to prove his or her worth.

It wasn’t too long after crossing over we came to an open field. It was wild but someone had once cleared the land for the trees or some other reason. It was beautiful and full of life. Gracie who followed us everywhere chased butterflies and rabbits.

When we got to the other side of the field we had been so busy conquering our new fount territory that we hadn’t noticed two trucks parked on the other side. Camouflage net covered their hoods, hunters for sure. I looked in the trees for deer stands. Two stands stood high up in the air camouflaged also.

The shots came before I could even register what was happening. “Run!!” I screamed. I ran off as fast as I could with my long legs caring me away. Turning around only when I got to the river I noticed the only person following me was Gracie. I had forgotten that since I was the oldest I ran the fastest. Derrick and Ashley were nowhere to be seen. My stomach dropped deeper than the bottom of the river. Dread filled my mind; they don’t know the way or worse… I have to go back, I have to find them.

Logic took over my adrenalin rush as the first drops began to fall at an irregular rate and then in a constant rhythm like that of a heartbeat. They blurred my vision as I ran causing me to quicken my haste in a rush for time. I began to no longer feel fear for myself and with each step became a little braver to face whatever I was going to meet head on.

I returned to the field where we had first been shot at. The trucks were long gone and where we had stood was soaked with blood. The rain soaked the earth around my feet cleansing it of its’ red stain but it couldn’t cleanse my heart and chase away the thoughts in my mind. No sign of them. I took one long look across the place so as to never forget it and then turned around and ran home.

Entering the house Grandma scolded me for being so wet saying I’d catch cold. She made me change clothes for fresh ones. I sat on my bed clutching the one who follows me. Grandma though I was afraid of the storm but it was much worse then any storm could ever be. I couldn’t tell her the truth she’s only get worried over something that was probably nothing.

A knock thudded on the door. My spirits lifted as hope came back into my heart. I knew it had to be them at the door. But it wasn’t. Instead a policeman stepped in the doorway to greet us. When he told us the news Grandma’s face went stock white. He said Derrick had arrived home this afternoon without his sister. His parents asked him about her and he wouldn’t speak. He went into a state of shock. When they finally got him around he told them what had happened in the forbidden field. Ashley had fallen behind Derrick and I. Ashley called out to Derrick to stop but he just kept running. Then he heard the scream, which snapped him back into life. He ran back for her but by the time he got there she was gone. The earth was wet with fresh blood and reeked of gasoline. He yelled for her, no answer.

The police began an immediate investigation on the owner of the property and the two trucks. They visited the two men’s houses with a search warrant and fount blood on a tarp in the back of one man’s truck. On asking him about it he said it was a deer but he couldn’t show us the deer’s body. They took samples of the blood and fount it to be human. The men are being held in custody and Ashley is still being searched for dead or alive. Dogs were brought and given her scent. They fount her deep in the woods. She was placed in a barrel smoking at the rim, her body covered in gasoline, ready to burn.

My body went numb and my mind blank. “This can’t be happening no not like this please dear Lord!” my Grandma prayed. The policeman said he was very sorry and that these men were looking at a life imprisonment or a death sentence. That still didn’t make me feel better. Grandma wouldn’t say anything to me after he left. She just sat in her chair rocking back and forth letting her on thoughts consume her mind. Guilt surged through every point in my body. If it wasn’t for me leading them there and then leaving them behind this would have never happened. “I wished it was me instead!” I prayed a hundred times over. God didn’t’ answer me. I don’t blame him.

At the funeral I saw Derrick standing all a lone. I wanted to talk to him but I knew he blamed me for what happened that day to Ashley. Instead we stood silently side-by-side as we watched Ashley’s coffin lowered to the dirt. Faraway from the light we had bathed in two days before. That was Derrick’s and mine goodbye. They wouldn’t even show her body it had been so mutilated. Derrick and his parents moved away to California soon after the funeral where I never saw him again.

It didn’t help my pain that we were in the news with a picture of all three of us next to the two murderers. I don’t go into the woods anymore or even listen to the birds singing. It reminds me too much, haunts me, and fills me with remorse and hatred. I never will forget little Ashley with her blonde curls and toothy grin. She didn’t deserve it. So innocent a thing can turn into so ugly a conflict. My life changed because of her. I know longer step without looking. I miss being about to trust, being able to love. I thought I knew myself but now I think I lost myself. Life can no longer be carefree, there’s a hunter at every corner and his gun is aimed at you.

4/15/2008