An entire year had passed since I saw my sister. I had just finished first grade and had turned seven just after school let out. Mom was out somewhere and I was home alone with Roger watching him play video games when Dad’s car pulled into the drive way. At the sound of car doors shutting, I hopped up and jumped on the couch that rested under the window stretching across the front of the house and peered through the blinds. Dad was bounding up the driveway with Jess’s duffle bag and she was walking slowly behind him with an old blue velvet teddy bear hanging from her arm. Her hair was cut short; when she left it had been munch longer. Despite this, I was still glad to see my big sister coming home.

Sliding off of the couch, I ran outside past my dad to hug my sister. She returned my hug and patted the top of my head, but I felt her wince as I touched her. Nevertheless, she smiled at me.

“Hey, Sammy. How was first grade? Sorry I missed your birthday,” she said with that forced smile looming on her face.

“It was okay,” I said to her. “I got all B’s and C’s though. I had the same teacher you did,” I added, beaming up at her. It didn’t matter that she missed my birthday. I was just glad she was home. I didn’t notice how pale and underweight she was back then, but looking back at pictures now, I realized that she was not healthy-looking at all.

“Oh, I remember that teacher. That was the year I got all A’s,” she teased.

“Yeah, well,” I said as we made out way inside. “I made friends this year,” I boasted. “Their names are Kyle and Josh!”

“Really? That’s really good!” she said, but I could tell she was feeling sad. “How’s Mama?” she asked as we went into her room and sat on the floor near her bed.

“Same as always, I guess. I really don’t see her,” I confessed. “Roger takes me to school while she sleeps and I go to Grandma’s on the weekends. Grandma misses you. I think she’s coming to get us later,” I told her. “She wants to take us swimming!”

“I don’t want to go swimming,” Jess said quickly as she hugged her bear.

“What?” I asked, looking confused. “I thought you liked swimming.”

“Not anymore,” she said as she avoided looking at me. As she did so, she reached over and pulled the sleeve of her t-shirt down. That’s when I noticed the bruise wrapped around her upper arm. I had opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off. “Dad’s house is really nice, you know? There are a lot of kids in the neighborhood and lots of trees to climb in the yard. He has a trampoline and a swimming pool, too!” she said, trying to sound enthused.

“But… I thought you said you didn’t like swimming?” I tilted my head to the side and looked at her with a lost yet concerned face.

“I… I don’t… I was telling you because you like swimming,” she said, stumbling over her words.

That afternoon, Jess sat at the side of the pool with her feet in the water as I swam with our cousins, Johnny and Davis. Johnny was thirteen at the time and Davis was eight. It didn’t take long for us to get bored with swimming when Davis suggested we play a game of hide and go seek.

“I’ll be 'it' first. You guys go hide,” he said.

The three of us ran across the backyard to hide. I watched as Jess slipped into the shed. A couple of seconds later, Johnny followed her. I didn’t think anything about it at the time, but decided I needed to find a hiding place just as good.

I could hear Davis counting around the corner of the house.

“Nineteen…. Twenty! Ready or not, here I come!” Realizing I’d run out of time to hide, I quickly ducked down in between the house and some bushes. Listening to Davis’s footsteps run around the fence, I held my breath. I didn’t want to be the first person found! However, he stopped before the shrubs I was hiding behind and laughed. “You really suck at this game, Sammy,” he said.

“Kiiiids!” It was our grandma calling from the side door of the house. “Dinner’s ready!”

Davis took off running around the side of the house as I crawled out from under the bush. I waited for a second and looked toward the shed to see that Jess and Johnny hadn’t come out. They hadn’t heard our grandma call us in for dinner. I figured I’d better go tell them, so I ran across the yard but stopped as I heard Johnny’s voice coming from inside.

“You know, Jessi,” he said. “You’ve always been my favorite cousin." His voice sounded weird to me at the time. Then again, at that age, I didn’t know anything about seduction.

Jess’s voice sounded frightened when she responded. She was stumbling over her words.

“Y-you’re my… f-favorite, too,” she said weakly.

Now, I wasn’t aware of the situation at the time. All I knew was that I didn’t like the way my sister was talking. I waited for a second before pulling the shed door as wide open as I could.

“Grandma says dinner’s ready!” I said loudly. My eyes narrowed as I surveyed the scene before me: Jess was standing in a corner, her back against the wall and Grandpa’s work table. Johnny was standing in front of her, blocking her way, but as I opened the door, he took two quick steps back and his face seemed startled. Jess nodded and quickly stepped past him and hopped out of the shed. She took a few hurried steps before she broke into a run and headed towards the house.

I watched her go before looking up at Johnny as he walked past me. As he did, he reached out and shoved me down. I landed on my rear in the dirt and just sat there for a moment with a stunned look on my face. I didn’t understand what had just happened, and wouldn’t even remember the incident until years later. It was just another one of the hardships my big sister faced.

Several years later, when my grandma and I were standing before my sister’s grave, my grandma shook her head and looked up at me. “Beauty can often be a terrible curse,” she said to me. “If you ever have a daughter, you best take care of her.”