“Don’t hold your arms like that,

It makes you look sad” she says to me.

I cant uncross my arms, its all that’s keeping me together.

She tries to pull my arms apart

Panic rises inside of me as I fight her with the little strength I have.

She manages to get my arm away and hold them to my sides,

“I cant” I repeat again and again fighting the tears rising up.

She hugs me, and I cant help but hate myself,

Why do I have to be so weak?

Why do I have to make her see me like this?

--

Like always, we head our separate ways

I debate about hiding out in the back of the art room,

But go to biology anyway,

Knowing if I don’t my group will be mad

Because I wont be there to do their work for them.

--

Lunch is hell,

Tears welling up, threatening to spill over onto her book.

I cant hear anything that they are saying next to me,

To worked up to hear any of it.

--

I start to cry,

I fight it as much as I can

She hugs me and tells me she’s sorry she cant do anything

Sorry she cant fix all my problems and make them go away.

And all to soon we have to part, and I head to class to continue this awful struggle.

--

The only happiness all day,

Lasted for 10 minutes at the end of eighth hour,

Soon being killed by seeing my mom’s car in the drive way,

Knowing I would have to go home and fight myself even more,

Because if she thinks I’m falling apart,

She thinks she knows what will help,

And it makes it all worse.

So now I continue fighting,

Even as I sit here curled up on the couch,

Watching the comedians on TV,

Can’t seem to brings so much as a smile to my lips,

Nothing seems right

Nothing seems possible.

Nothing except this emptiness,

This sadness,

This hopelessness,

This utter despair.