Unexpected Places

CHAPTER FIVE: Self-Reflection For The Crazy Minded

-

My ear was pressed against the bathroom door as I waited for Kaci and Dani to be deep in slumber before I slipped out. After my unintentional melodramatic exit in front of the entire school, I had made my way back to our dorm where I collapsed in the bathroom and wallowed in self-pity (or something along those lines). It was all a blur: the only things I remembered doing were crying, feeling vulnerable and miserable, trying to breathe properly, and then ultimately falling asleep on the cold—albeit very clean thanks to the dorm maids—tiled floor. I vaguely recall Kaci frantically pounding on the door until Dani told her that I probably just needed some space.

I thought that, too—needing space. Some air to breathe. But I didn’t think it actually helped.

(The windowless bathroom may have contributed to the no-help factor, but...where else was I supposed to go?)

When Dani began to make these extremely annoying whistling noises, I knew she was out for good. Kaci usually fell asleep the second she hit the pillows, so I slowly turned the knob and crept my way out to the closet. There I quietly changed, gladly trading my dirty uniform for a knee-length, casual rose-pink dress, a gray cardigan, and a pair of flat, black boots. I combed out my messy hair, quickly braiding it to the side, and then stealthily left the room.

I knew I couldn’t just fall asleep after the events of this morning. I had to go somewhere. Think. Do that whole ‘self-reflection’ thing Miss Holbrook, the school counselor, always made me do.

-

x-x-x-x

-

There was probably a rule somewhere about wandering on school grounds after curfew, but never was it vigorously mentioned nor enforced so I wasn’t nervous. And we weren’t that rebellious, sneaking out in the middle of the night to go into the city for a wild rendezvous or anything. Our lives were crazy enough inside the school walls—we weren’t so stupid as to go looking for it elsewhere.

I inhaled deeply as I walked out into the night air. Warm, with the occasional breeze; summer was almost over. That meant winter was soon, and with that came the Holidays: fourteen days of the usual winter blues and fake smiles—that I really was okay spending Christmas by myself. Dani, Kaci and Jake always left for break, and though they’ve asked me year after year to go with them I’ve always declined. Who was I to go and interfere on their time with family? I’d imagine it would be a great experience, but I just wasn’t comfortable with it.

Sighing, I found myself facing the scene of the...crime? Incident? Well, it had been a very crime-ly act, the blowing up of ATVs. The field looked as if it had not been touched since this morning; preserved. The charred metal was gone and all of the four-wheelers were probably locked up in the storage room, but the smell of burning was still there, as were all the other props. In a way, it seemed a little reassuring that I hadn’t been faced with nothing but green grass and bleachers, though I knew everything would be gone sooner rather than later.

What exactly happened out there today? Wait, better question—what had gone wrong? The game had been going on like usual, nothing out of the ordinary besides the fact that we were all a little shaken up by the sudden interruption. The threat Claire gave me, the pushing and shoving, the chase. What had gotten into her?

And really, why me? Of all the people in the school to hate, why me? Not saying that it would be totally okay for her to hate on others but what made me such a…such a…

Target?

I felt a surge of sardonic amusement, and then I just wanted to cry.

And what about my ATV? What was that about? Well, I did figure out eventually (while in the bathroom staring at the toilet, for a lack of a better thing to do) that someone had planted a small real timer-bomb on my ATV; presumably when I had heard that thud and stupidly mistook it for a malfunction. But who? Claire? And had it not been for Nick, I would be in the hospital right now suffering some severe burn injuries. Not even the school’s infirmary—the hospital. The real one located in the city, the ones where ambulances and fire trucks went to. The real deal.

Speaking of Nick, how was he? Did he get hurt? He seemed fine, but there was always that internal bleeding factor...

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I took off my cardigan and lay atop of it on the grass. Staring up at the sky, I replayed all the events of this morning over and over again in my head. The most prominent ones were of Nick tackling me to the ground, the ATV collision-slash-explosion, and the sound of Daniel’s ATV as it zoomed by my head—none of which were exactly pleasant memories. In a span of about forty-five minutes, my life had been in danger three times. I mean, sure, that’s probably nothing compared to what would actually happen in the future should I continue with this career path, but it was certainly more than I hope to ever experience before it. And…and…

That’s when I realized, that for the first time in a long, long while, I had been scared. Not just surprised-scared, the kind where you could easily laugh off or be angry at for a few seconds. It was the kind of scared that had an imprinting effect on you—one that would be almost impossible to forget. The kind where you just want to cower and cry and pretend never happened. Actual fear. Out there today, Claire had showed me what it was like to be a real target; a real agent out in the real world doing real assignments. And what they could do out in the real world was probably fifty times more what Claire or anyone here could do.

The raw feeling of uneasiness in the pit of my stomach started to build. Kind of like when they—

“You know, I’m starting to feel a little intrusive,” a voice interrupted my train of thought. “Every time I catch you alone is when you’re in your own little world, deep in thought. On the ground, too, might I add.”

I didn’t even have to look to see that it was Nick who had spoken. He was standing directly to my right, looking down at me like in the gym just yesterday.

Just yesterday.

Glancing over, I tried to contain how glad I was to see him. And that he was (or seemed to be) in near-perfect condition.

“Thanks for,” I paused, unsure of how to word it. “Thanks for...doing what you did out there today.”

Probably trying to maintain whatever pride I had left, I didn’t want to admit that I had needed…assistance. I wanted to tell myself that I would have been fine without Nick, but I knew the truth: and that wasn’t it. Even so, I did not want to acknowledge it out loud, to the one person who had been there and did save me, however grateful I really was.

He shrugged, like it was no big deal. “Are you feeling better?” he asked tentatively.

I couldn’t help but laugh dryly. “Not really.”

“So it’s not everyday you witness burning ATVs?” he asked, his tone light and joking. “Or get tackled to the ground? You seem to like it a lot, you know, with me meeting you every time in that position.”

Somehow that put a grin to my face. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Forgiven, now that I got you to smile.”

My cheeks tingled and even with my cardigan off, exposing my bare arms and shoulders, I was beginning to get a little warm.

“Are you okay?” I asked, giving him a once over from my laying down position. He had changed from his uniform to a simple gray t-shirt and slim, black jeans. And fortunately, I could see no visible scars or injuries.

Nick ignored me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many stars before,” he said, sitting down next to me, stretching out his legs with his hands behind him on the grass. He stared at the sky thoughtfully. “Kind of weird, actually.”

“Aren’t you from Lalordia?” I asked carefully. “Located in the middle of nowhere; unaffected by light pollution?”

“Because I always venture out late at night to watch stars.”

“Point taken.” But hey, you never know…

“Claire’s on probation,” he said after a long pause of…silence—not awkward, but not comfortable, either. “We won’t be seeing her for a long time.”

I nodded. Not the first person I know to be on probation, I thought. Fortunately.

“You don’t seem to be particularly glad.”

“She’s smart,” I admitted with a roll of my eyes. “She’ll find another way to get to me.”

“So you two go way back, huh?” he probed, tearing his gaze from the stars to me. “What did ya’ do?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing,” I confirmed, not saying anything more. There wasn’t anything to say; I had honestly done nothing bad to her before.

“Look, if I’m invading your personal space, you can just tell me to leave. It won’t hurt my feelings,” he said slowly, making a move to get up and leave. “At all.”

“Why are you even talking to me?” I blurted out suddenly, in a way that probably came out kind of rude. I didn’t mean to, but I was really curious as to why he was talking to me. Asking me these things. Talking. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it; quite the contrary. But I just wanted…to…know. Because—well, just because.

He looked taken aback, and as I was figuring out something to say to come off a little less hostile—

“I like you,” he said casually, turning onto his side to face me. A lazy smile was on his gorgeous face.

Completely thrown off guard, both by my description of his face (gorgeous? Where had that come from? Though it undeniably was…) and his answer, I sat up abruptly and turned to face him.

“What?”

He laughed, leaning in closer to me. “Don’t flatter yourself, Sommer. I like you; I want to get to know you. It’s something called ‘friends’.”

Before I could stop myself, I felt a little offended.

What? So I wasn’t good looking enough or something? Not good enough for him?

Not that I really cared or anything.

Huffing, I lay back down on my cardigan and stared determinedly up at the sky. “Friends,” I repeated blankly. “You want to be friends. With me.”

He moved so that he, too, was lying down. Right beside me. I could practically feel his body heat as if it were my own. “What? Don’t tell me you’re the resident loser or laughing stock of the whole school.” His tone was teasing as he turned on his side and looked down at me. His face inches from mine.

Damn tonight to hell and back. Why was it suddenly so warm?

“That could be pretty offending, you know,” I said, pointedly avoiding his gaze.

“Shouldn’t be to you if you’re not,” he shrugged.

“I’m not—but that’s still mean.”

“I’m only kidding.”

Rolling my eyes, I surreptitiously distanced myself from him. Seeing his face almost directly above mine made me wonder why I had ever thought he was just “average” looking. He certainly was very much the opposite with his piercing green eyes, dark hair, and the way he could somehow be boyish and handsome at the same time. I couldn’t describe it, but I knew that in no time the Carelton girls would start to notice. And then they would flock. Because although we were all almost-geniuses and spies-in-training, we still had one prominent thing in common with the rest of the human population: raging teenage hormones.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Why did you leave Lalordia?”

“Why do you want to know?” he countered quickly and rather defensively.

“I’m just curious.”

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Satisfaction brought it back,” I grinned.

He didn’t say anything for a long time, just stared contemplatively at the bleachers to our left. And then finally, “I got kicked out.”

“Oliver, too?” I raised my eyebrows. He was lying, I could tell.

“Fine, we got transferred.”

“Why?” Why did they get transferred? Why did he lie to me in the first place?

Again—why did I even care so much?

“I’d tell you...but then I’d have to kill you,” he winked.

I propped myself up, leaning back against my elbows. “Ooooh,” I said in an ominous voice. “Now you have to tell me.”

“What if you tell someone?”

“What if I don’t?”

Laughing, Nick shook his head. “I want to tell you, but I can’t. I—just can’t,” he said softly, averting his eyes from mine.

I watched his sudden grim expression. “Did they make you sign a contract?” I asked lightly. Wouldn’t be surprising, but I had a feeling that they didn’t.

He peered at me from under his lashes, and in the most childishly stubborn voice said, “Maybe.”

-

x-x-x-x

-

A sweet scent awoke me. Strawberries, I think. It wafted into my nose and a feeling of glee rushed through me. I loved strawberries—anything strawberry. Strawberry scented shampoo, strawberry air fresheners, strawberry yoghurt, strawberry ice cream, strawberry shortcakes, strawberries dipped in whipped cream and chocolate…and of course, just pain, red strawberries.

“Mmmm,” I mumbled, taking in deep breath of the strawberry scent. It tickled my nose. Something shifted beside me, and something else tightened its grip around my waist. What was it?

No. I didn’t want to open my eyes. What if the strawberry scent disappeared when I did? I didn’t want that to happen. So I kept my eyes shut, snuggling closer to the warmth I felt beside me. I felt euphoric. Nothing could put me down. Nothing mattered.

But it was kind of strange, wherever I was. Just dreaming, maybe? A soft, warm, breeze brushed against my bare arms and it smelled a lot like the outdoors. The almost humid-ish smell of nature. Everything felt so real. I also could have sworn I heard some birds chirping not too far off—

“OH MY GOD!” I cried out, eyes flying wide open. I sat up so fast that I got lightheaded. “W—wha—wh—but—how—?”

At a loss for words, I mutely freaked out, wildly taking in my surroundings. This helped me figure out that it was Nick—the something that had shifted beside me, the something that had his arm around my waist. The person I had apparently spent the night with (not that anything happened, as far as I could remember). Even after my loud exclamation he was still sound asleep, having only stirred slightly. He mumbled something that sounded like “hungry” and “kitchen” but other than that, he was still completely out.

Taking a moment to pause, I found it extremely cliché that we—or at the moment, I—woke up with…another person…under a tree. It reminded me of a scene straight out of one of those cheesy, teen chick-lit novels that Kaci obsessed over and forced Dani and I to read. Not that this was in any way romantic...

Unsure of what to do, I figured I could just leave him there, since he was sleeping so peacefully and all. We weren’t off school grounds; he’d know how to get back. But no—not only was school going to start in less than two hours (I guesstimated it was around seven-thirty and breakfast was at eight, classes at nine), I’d also probably feel really, really bad, especially after the nice night we’d just had—TALKING, all we did was talk!—so I sighed and reached over.

“Wake up,” I said, keeping my voice hushed. Even with my aforementioned ‘probably no rule about wandering on school grounds after curfew’, there might’ve be one about sleeping on school grounds after curfew and I was actually starting to get paranoid. I just didn’t want to get in trouble for something like this, something so small and irrelevant.

Okay, so maybe falling asleep in each other’s arms is nothing short of a big deal but hey—it was late, we were tired. It just sort of happened. Meant absolutely nothing.

Seriously. Nothing.

He hadn’t so much as moved, so I got real close to his ear and raised my voice. “Rise and shine!”

Just get up so we can get this awkward exchange over, please.

He finally stirred and opened one eye, staring at me with caution and interest. “Jaymie?” he asked incredulously, voice hoarse. “What are you doing in my—”

“Not in your room,” I told him quickly, gesturing to the field around us. I wanted this over and done with., gesturing to the field around us. “You’re a heavy sleeper.”

Just nodding, he slowly sat up and looked around. Finally settling his gaze back on me, he asked me what had happened.

“We were talking, we got tired. I guess we both just dozed off—” in each other’s arms. Abruptly, I stood and busied myself with brushing invisible grass off. Pulling my braid out, I fumbled to redo it as neatly as I could. “We should go back inside; breakfast is soon.” You were dreaming about food, you must be hungry.

But I wasn’t actually going to say that.

I also didn’t know why I was suddenly so nervous. I mean, I didn’t look that bad in the morning.

Right?

He got up as well but instead of heading towards the school, he just leaned back against the tree trunk and yawned. “Sure you don’t want to stay a while longer?”

I eyed him suspiciously. And do what?

“Don’t have to look so alarmed,” he said with an amused tone upon seeing my expression. “I’m not going to kill you, Sommer, relax.”

But I didn’t—I couldn’t. If anything I was as guarded as ever, standing there. Those exact words, ringing in my ears. I stumbled backwards and tried to recollect myself.

“I’m sure,” I said curtly. “Let’s go.”

Then I paused. “But you can stay if you want. Don’t have to come with me.”

I did not understand why I was even under the notion that we had to go back together.

He chuckled, walking past me swiftly. Strawberries. “But I‘m hungry.”

-

x-x-x-x

-

They knew I’d gone out for the whole night.

They knew I’d spent it with someone.

They were all staring at me now.

As if the whole school wasn’t already.

“Guuuuys,” I whined, putting down my cereal. “Nothing happened!”

“We know nothing happened,” Dani said easily. “But something could have.”

“You didn’t leave a note, or wake us up and tell us…” Kaci ranted on.

And then Jake dropped the bomb: “Remember the last time you went out by yourself without telling anyone?”

I glared at him. “But nothing happened this time so can we just drop this?” I resumed the consumption of my breakfast as they all exploded at me.

“No, we won’t just ‘drop this’—”

“—because we were really worried—”

“—you better promise not to do it again—”

“—do you know how dangerous it is—”

“—I know it’s on school grounds but the last time—”

“And you won’t even tell us who it was with!” Kaci said exasperatedly, making Jake and Dani pause and nod in agreement.

As if on cue, the last person I wanted to see entered. He was with Oliver, both of them changed and looking very boarding-school preppy in their uniforms like the rest of us. But unlike the rest of the school, they weren’t wearing expressions of curiosity and awe. They strolled over to the food line with grace and poise—but not before Nick tried to catch my eye and I pointedly avoided it. Everyone, and I mean everyone, watched as they picked out breakfast, then scanned the Dining Hall for seats. Now I could feel stares alternating between Nick and me.

“At least he’s good looking,” Dani commented offhandedly, making Jake clear his throat and shoot her a look.

We watched as the people they chose to sit next to leaned over and began their interrogation. Curiosity was in our blood and even I was sitting there wondering what they were saying.

I guess I had been staring too hard, because Dani suddenly slammed her hand down on the table triumphantly. “You spent the night with Nicholas Wynters!” she all but exclaimed.

At that moment, I thanked all the Gods that existed—real or not—that we had decided to pick the empty table in the corner of the Dining Hall. If anyone had heard what she’d said, they’d take it the wrong way and well, who knows. I didn’t need to be stared at any more than I already was, thank you very much.

“Keep your voice down!” I hushed, pointedly eyeing the closest (but still far enough) table to us. All sixth-graders, oblivious to the fact that we were fully aware of their whispering.

Jake looked worried. “I don’t know if I really want to know but: what happened?”

My face went warm at the reminder of last night and this morning. “Uh,” I managed, completely sidetracked by his full name. I hadn’t even known his last name until now, and that kind of bothered me.

I was met by three sharp looks, so I quickly told them before they jumped to conclusions. “I snuck out, he found me, we started talking, we got tired. I guess we both just dozed off—”

—in each other’s arms, I thought of again. Flushing, I cleared my throat. “That’s it.”

Dani opened her mouth to say something, but then decided not to. She stared at me with her large eyes, hoping I’d give out something by accident and it might’ve worked but honestly nothing happened! Kaci’s face was not much different, but was more worried than anything. They both seemed so concerned, while Jake sat there with a thoughtful look on his face. Why were they acting like this? Was Nicholas—it felt weird to think of his full name for some reason—some ex-criminal? Most wanted, perhaps? I laughed inwardly.

He wasn’t…right?

Hello, hacking of student database as soon as I get within the proximity of a computer.

“He’s nice,” I tried lamely. “I mean, I got the chance to thank him for uh, getting me off my ATV when, you know...”

Kaci sighed. “That’s beside the point—but by the way, we still have to talk about yesterday morning—I mean, haven’t you heard what people say about him?”

Apparently not. Furrowing my brows, I just stared back at them. I had never heard of Nick until the other day in the gym, and the only thing that I knew about him was that he came from Lalordia—and I found that out through Coach Kenton. What did people say? Why did Danielle and Kaci make him sound so bad? Jake seemed rather neutral on this subject matter.

Suddenly the ‘ex-criminal’ and the ‘most-wanted’ idea didn’t seem too farfetched.

I snuck a glance over at his table and found that he was gone. Both him and Oliver.

“He got transferred here from Lalordia Academy Prep,” I shrugged. “Coach Kenton mentioned it yesterday.”

“Well, some say he’s bad news—liked to pick fights, did drugs, got drunk, slept around,” Danielle explained. “They even hacked into the school’s system—which isn’t as easy as it sounds by the way—and found some dirty school records.”

Goodbye, idea of hacking into student database… (well, not really. I still wanted to double check for myself—but then again, maybe not knowing was the better option altogether.)

Dani seemed really hyped up talking about this whole thing. The way she talked, it seemed she felt like a real spy—digging up information about other people. We did it all the time, but it always only for class. According to her, it gets boring after you realize you have all the teachers’ background information memorized.

“And his last school wasn’t the first school he got kicked out of, either,” Kaci said, her tone warning.

I looked at her strangely. “He told me he and Oliver got transferred.”

She shrugged. "That's not what database says."

But I still didn’t get it. “Okay. So has he picked any fights here yet? Done any drugs? Slept around?”

They glanced at each other for help. “Not that we know of…” Danielle said, slowly. “But Jaymie, you mustn’t trust someone so easily. You should know that.”

“Who said I trusted him?” I defended harshly, a scowl slowly forming on my face. “And would you guys just drop it? Stop bringing up…bringing up…the thing!”

I felt tears prickling my eyes and I refused, absolutely refused, to be reminded of what they kept mentioning.

“We just want you to be careful,” Jake said softly, patting my arm. “That’s all.”

-

x-x-x-x

-

By the time I got to third period I was just about ready to crawl into a hole and die. Not only had I been repeatedly asked if I was okay from yesterday morning’s events, but I was watched like a hawk and whispered about as if their life depended on it. Tracy had been very understanding and supportive during Foreign Languages, constantly trying to distract me from the silent but very conspicuous (at least to me) commotion; and I had Jake and Kaci in my Advanced Human Intelligence: Espionage who glared at anyone who stared at me for longer than five seconds. But even with them I still knew I was being talked about and in the current circumstances absolutely loathed it.

Coach Kenton, like the lovely man he was, ordered us run twenty laps around the gym as he and two other students went into the storage room.

Thankful that he hadn’t brought up what happened yesterday, I made my way around the gym with Jake and Anna, picking up my pace each lap so I didn’t wear myself out too soon. Everything was going fine until I heard some of the sophomores we were sharing class with today (Carelton liked to mix levels up, for the practice and “experience”) start talking.

“He is absolutely gorgeous,” one of them sighed. “And he’s a senior!”

“Yeah, but he’s pining after Jaymie Sommer,” her friend said sullenly. I guess they were unaware of the fact that I was right in front of them.

“Who the hell told you that?”

“Didn’t you see the way he saved her?” another one said dreamily. “It was so…knight in shining armor!”

“You’ve been reading too much books again.”

“But it’s true,” the second one said. “And he was staring at her the whole time during breakfast.”

I stumbled but quickly composed myself. Jake shot me an apprehensive look before returning to his conversation with Emmy.

“And the way he tried to run after her yesterday? Before the other transfer—who’s a total cutie, too, by the way—stopped him?”

He what?

A part of me hoped they’d go on talking about it, so I’d find out more, until one gasped. “It’s him! It’s him! Ohmygodtheyarebothinthisclass!”

The other two squealed and next thing I knew, they were ahead of me.

I watched with avid interest as they giggled and jogged up to behind where Nicholas and Oliver were. The latter seemed to notice an audience, as he turned his head slightly back at them and smirked. I couldn’t help but take in that Oliver was almost just as attractive as his Lalordia buddy, with short dirty blonde hair and honey brown eyes. He was much more muscular than Nick, but not in that scary body-builder way. I kept watching, feeling almost stalkerish, until a pair of hands forcefully gripped my shoulders.

“Earth to Jaymie? You’re done your twenty laps now,” Jake said, amused. “Don’t need to go staring daggers into those sophomores or anything.”

“I—but—wasn’t—wh—”

Laughing, he winked and slung his arm around my shoulder. “Look, I know you like him—”

“I don’t!” I protested exasperatedly. He was nice on the eyes, is all.

“—and even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter. The only thing I want is for you to be careful and not go wandering out in the middle of the night with him.”

“You sound like my mothe—” I stopped myself. “You sound like a parent, I think.”

Because really, how would I know what Mother would sound like?

We all sat down on the mats—I making it a point to sit on the opposite side of where Nicholas was sitting—and waited for Kenton to appear. It didn’t take long, and when he did, I almost threw up in my mouth a little.

“Today, we’ll be working with the balance beam,” he announced grandly. “I’m sure most of you have background in gymnastics?”

Everyone looked around nervously and nodded in consent. I tried to keep my breakfast contained in my stomach.

Jake nudged me. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” I said with as much confidence as I could. I mean, it was easy to pretend that I was fine and that it was just a balance beam. The question was how long I could hold that up for.

“Connor, get up here,” Coach Kenton ordered. All eyes were on Stacey, a sweet and bubbly sophomore with honey-ginger hair, as she slowly got up and walked up to the beam.

“I want you to walk from one end of the beam to another,” Kenton said, crossing his arms in front of him.

“That’s it?” Stacey asked warily, eyeing the beam suspiciously, like maybe it would suddenly snap in half the minute she got on it.

He nodded.

Pulling herself up on the beam, she looked around, and slowly, placing one foot in front of another, she made her way across the wood. Everything was going fine until she got to the middle where she suddenly lost her balance and toppled off, hitting the mat with a loud smack.

“Ain’t as easy as you thought, yeah?” Coach Kenton scoffed, giving Stacey a hand. When she was back on her feet, he turned his attention back to us. “Anyone want to know why your classmate ate the mat?”

But he didn’t wait for an answer. “She thought this was easy. ‘That’s it?’” he mocked, gesturing for Stacey to sit back down. She did with absolutely no hesitation. “Connor thought my order was ridiculous and while she was up there, wondered to herself why on earth I was making her do something as amateur and silly as making way across the beam. And because of that, she lost her concentration and then her balance.”

We were all silent. What was he going on about?

“Never,” he continued, “ever, ever let yourself get lost in your own thoughts when doing something. Self-reflection? Bad memories? Do that on your own time, because if you try it while on the field I can almost guarantee that you’ll be sliced in half—and I mean that in the most literal sense possible. You have to learn to push your personal thoughts away and concentrate.”

Then the worst possible thing that could’ve happened—happened.

“Sommer, get up here.”

There it was again—that fear.

There was so much fear, in fact, that my anxiety was no where to be found.

“Sir, I don’t think that’s a good idea—” Jake tried to protest, but Kenton barked out a loud, humorless laugh.

“I believe it’s high time that Miss Sommer face her fears,” he said patronizingly, patting the beam as a means to show it meant no harm. And it really didn’t—the beam. I was in shape and had done gymnastics for years, just like everyone in this room. I wasn’t scared of the beam, I was just…

Taking a deep breath, I stood up on shaky legs and tried to ignore the whispering. I knew what they were talking about without needing to overhear—what fears? Was she afraid of the beam? Did she not know gymnastics? Imagine if they knew the real truth, the real reason why this was such a “fear” for me. The whispering would never stop. The only people who knew were me, Danielle, Kaci, Jake, selective members of staff—Kenton included—and the Board of Administration. Oh, and of course, the others.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked in a low voice once I reached the front. “I don’t understand.”

“You need to forget about the past and move on,” he said, giving me an almost sympathetic look. I ignored the fact that a few kids at the front heard him.

“I don’t exactly see how making me do this will help me forget about it.”

“Just trust me.”

“Under these circumstances I hope you’ll understand why that would be a little hard to do,” I hissed back angrily.

Coach K ignored me, and gestured for me to climb on.

“One end to another; focus.”

Just by standing four feet off the ground on the strip of wood and staring straight ahead like a proper gymnast, I knew this was going to be a pain in the rear of a challenge despite how simple the task itself was.

Rewritten 09/02/09 & 11/20/09