Another day she has tried to forget

Another day she has tried to forget.

She stomped down the stairs wearing her prettiest dress and her hair in ribbons. She wasn’t happy though. And she would not smile, no matter how much they wanted her to. She didn’t want to go out today. She had already thrown a tantrum in protest, kicking and screaming and throwing all her toys around. But it was pointless. She would have to go. It’s not like they could leave her at home alone. She was only 8 years old after all.

They went to the car and she still refused to speak to them. She was mad at them for making her go out. But they couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to go. In the car she spent the whole time pretending to sleep so that no one would bother her.

Once they arrived, she put on a smile and walked to Grandma’s front door. As usual Grandma greeted her with a big sloppy kiss and the tightest squishiest cuddle you could imagine. She liked her Grandma. She was so small and sweet. She walked through the house to the lounge and found herself a comfy spot on the sofa. Mum sat down beside her. Granddad came in next. He had no teeth and didn’t wear false ones. He was always hard to understand. He tried to entertain her by doing tricks with cards and coins like he always did.

The smell of dinner was already filling the house. Every Sunday Grandma cooked them some lunch. Grandma wasn’t the world’s greatest cook, but it was familiar and she loved it. She especially loved Grandma’s home made rice pudding. It was so warm and creamy. Grandma always let it cook for too long and it ended up having pieces of ‘skin’ in it, and she loved those bits too. Grandma always made ham sandwiches too. With thick sliced ham. Much better than what she would get at home.

There wasn’t much to do at Grandma’s house for kids. She was too old to play with the dolls now, and there was only one swing in the garden, which her sister usually played on. Sometimes they would play hide and seek in the neighbours’ garden, which was fine so long as he wasn’t home. But if it was raining, there was even less to do. Grandma’s house was small, and with all the adults in the lounge there wasn’t much space. She liked to play games in the hall. Like Hide and Seek or Islands. Sometimes her uncle would let her go into his room. He had lots of cool stuff. He had books, and toys, and puzzles. He even had a TV in his room.

Grandma would never let them watch the TV in the lounge as it was too loud. So she liked to go into her uncles’ room to see the TV. It passed the time at least.

Her uncle wasn’t there today. So she went and sat in his room to watch the TV. She knew he wouldn’t mind. He liked her a lot. She was his favourite. He had told her that.

There wasn’t much on TV, but it was better than joining in the boring adults conversations. Then she heard the door. Her uncle was back from wherever he had been. The feeling of dread filled her mind.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like her uncle... but he did things to her that made her sad.

He came into the room and took off his coat. He walked over and sat beside her. He chatted with her for a while, the usual stuff. Asking how school was going, and if she had nice friends. Then he went back and closed the bedroom door. He said the adults were being too noisy. She knew the real reason why he had closed it. He had done this many times before. A lonely tear rolled down her cheek. She turned her head away; she didn’t want him to see. He sat back down beside her and put his arm round her. They stayed that way for a while, not saying a word and just watching the TV. Then he put his hand up her dress. He ran his finger up and down her private parts. Her stomach made that familiar lurching feeling. She froze. Switched off. Gazed intently at the TV screen hoping that the world would go away.

He slipped his finger inside her underwear. She tried her hardest to ignore it. Now he started to speak to her. He told her how special she was, and how pretty she was. She liked to hear those things. It was nice to be special, and to be pretty. Then he put his finger inside of her. She cried softly, but he told her ‘Ssh, its ok. I love you.’ She believed him, of course. He put his other hand inside his own underwear next. By this point, she had managed to block out what was actually going on. After a while he made some jerky movements and breathed heavily. Then all of a sudden he took his hand out of his underwear and out of her. He got up and walked out of the room.

She sat there and cried for a while. She still couldn’t tell anyone. If only she had told them the first time he had done this. Maybe then she wouldn’t be in this mess. She let out a sigh, then wiped the tears off her face and went outside to play.

Hopefully it wouldn’t be long now until she could go home.