Dear Diary,

I love going down to the earth with Mom! It’s so beautiful there. Yeah, Mount Olympus is lovely—I mean, look at all of the supercool marble halls and stuff, right?—but there really is nothing that can compare to the earth, with all of her lovely flowers and such. Thanks to Mom, the goddess of the harvest, it’s beautiful, and there is always plenty of food and grain for the humans, who are just so interesting! Seriously, just watch them sometime. Their lives are so short, but they always have to make something of them. It’s incredible, isn’t it?

Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but it’s time to go home, back to Mount Olympus. I’ll TTYL, though, ‘kay?

Love, Persephone, daughter of Demeter xoxo

Dear Diary,

She was wandering around Earth again. Wow, what a gorgeous girl. Too bad her mother’s so overprotective of her…I’d never have a chance. I mean, what would a beautiful girl like that want with me, the god of the dead? Nothing. I suppose I could ask my brother, Zeus, but he’s too busy being all “Look, I’m the god of lightning! WHEEE!” to bother to help me.

Sigh I hate being the king of the underworld sometimes. It really puts a cramp on my love life.

--Hades, God of the Dead, King of the Underworld

Dear Diary,

I got to go down to the earth again with Mom! It’s just so lovely there, I can’t get enough! Mom doesn’t like me being down there too often; I guess she thinks I’m safer on Mount Olympus, or something. Doesn’t she get it? I can’t resist the earth. She’s too beautiful not to be appreciated. We should have a day to celebrate just for her—say, April 22? Would that work out well for us? I don’t think that we have any other birthdays, anniversaries, or coronations to celebrate then…

Well, off again! TTYL, Diary!

Love, Persephone, daughter of Demeter xoxo

Dear Diary,

She was at it AGAIN today. When she dances around up there on the earth, it seems like the whole world can’t help but to jump in and dance with her. I love this girl so much, but seriously, she’s never going to go for the god of the dead. I mean, would you? (Please don’t answer that.)

Maybe I could kidnap her…I’m sure if she were forced to marry me, she’d get to know me and understand me and even love me, wouldn’t she? I mean, she’s just that sort of girl, yanno?

…

Okay. I’ve got it. I’ll be ready, so that next time she comes down to earth, I’m kidnapping her and dragging her down here to marry me. And she’ll love me and we’ll both be happy, despite the doom and gloom of the underworld. Hm, maybe I should hire a decorator before the wedding.

--Hades, God of the Dead, King of the Underworld

Dear Diary,

I’m worried about Persephone. I just get this—I dunno, this feeling every time we go down to Earth. I love her, and I don’t want her getting hurt or lost.

Ah, I’m just being paranoid. I just don’t want my baby girl to grow up, that’s all. Sniff

Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest

Dear Diary,

The craziest thing happened to me today!!

Mom needed to go down to Earth for something, so I persuaded her to bring me, too. I think I’m in love with the Earth; she’s just so amazing! Anyway, there I was, minding my own beeswax and picking a few flowers as I hummed a little song, when all of the sudden, WHAM! Out of NOWHERE, this hole appeared in the ground and this dark-looking guy on a pitch-black chariot with demon-horses came out and grabbed me and ran! (The poor farmer whose pigs were in the field with me came down with us, too. I hope they weren’t his only pigs; that would be so sad if he just lost everything like that!)

Anyway, so then we landed in this really dark, gloomy place, where there was a gigantic three-headed dog off in the corner—I think his name’s Cerberus, but I’m not totally sure—and a giant river and, get this, dead peoples’ souls everywhere. I noticed a few dead tulips in a vase on a table and a rather dead-looking birch tree, but besides that, there wasn’t much for décor.

Well, actually, there was this one lovely-looking pomegranate tree with the most delicious-looking pomegranates, but I’m not stupid enough to fall for that. I know that if I eat the food down here, I’ll be stuck forever, and I can’t have that. I need to get home. I need to see my mom, to walk on the earth again.

“Where are we?” I asked my kidnapper after a few moments of silence. I was pretty uncomfortable at this point—he’d been giving me really weird looks.

“What? Oh,” he said, as if he had been in a daze. “Right. I’m Hades. This is the underworld. I’m, like, king around here,” he said, sweeping an arm casually as if to say, “Yeah, I’m a king, whaddaya gonna do ‘bout it?”

“Okay,” I replied, nodding. “I’m Persephone. Nice to meet you. What am I doing here?”

“Oh, that,” Hades said. “Well, I’ve decided that, since you’re—well,” he said, blushing and looking rather apologetic (can you imagine? King of the Underworld, God of the Dead, blushing! Haha!), “Well, since you’re so beautiful and I’ve, uh, fallen in love with you—“

“Hold on a minute there, buddy!” I said. “What do you mean, fallen in love with me? How? I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to you before in my life, have I?” I was thoroughly confused at this point. Where was all of this coming from?

Hades blushed even deeper. Had I not been so taken aback at the whole, you know, the-king-of-the-underworld-is-in-love-with-me thing, I probably would have laughed at his blush. It wasn’t that Hades isn’t handsome, it’s just that blushing is not something you’d expect the god of the dead to do.

“Well, I’ve seen you,” he explained awkwardly. “You know, out on Earth and stuff. And I mean, you have to realize—when you dance, the whole world has no choice but to join in. You’re just—“ He broke off and looked away. “I want to marry you, that’s all.”

I blinked in surprise. “Uh—okay?” I said. “I accept, I guess.” It wasn’t like I had a choice. Besides, I’d be safer as queen than I would be wandering around on my own in the land of the dead. And Hades didn’t seem like that bad of a guy—just misunderstood and lonely, right? (He’s also kinda cute, which helps. Heh heh!)

So now I’m a married woman. And the Queen of the Underworld. How about THAT for some twisted fate, eh?

Love, Persephone, Queen of the Underworld xoxo

Dear Diary,

My dear Persephone’s gone missing! I don’t know where she is. I can’t find her anywhere! We were on earth, and I left her for a few minutes to go take care of something a few towns over. When I came back, all I found was a rather distraught farmer who was crying over the loss of his pigs. You have no reason to cry, I found myself thinking. You only lost your damn pigs. I lost my daughter.

I need to go talk to Zeus. I have a feeling I know who’s behind this…and he’s the only one who can help me, seeing as I have no sway over the underworld.

When I leave, I’m taking the health of the land and the season with me. Everything will wither and die until I get my daughter back.

Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest

Dear Diary,

It is done. I have successfully kidnapped the lovely Persephone and made her my queen. She was so understanding, as I knew she would be. I’ll admit, I was a little uncomfortable at first, when I mentioned that I was in love with her—I thought she was going to reject me, or worse, laugh at me. But no, the divine lady that she is, she accepted my proposal.

ALL RIGHT!! Score one for the nerdy guy! WHOO!

--Hades, God of the Dead, King of the Underworld, newlywed

Dear Diary,

Sigh Hades has gotten himself into a heap of trouble. Demeter just came to me, hissing and spitting, angry as a cat whose tail has just been stepped on, ranting and raving about her daughter, Persephone, and Hades, my brother. Apparently, all that Persephone was doing was wandering around a field on Earth as Demeter was taking care of a couple of things, when all of the sudden, WHAMO! Hades kidnapped her.

Dear lord. It’s hard work being King of the Gods, I tell you. Sheesh.

--Zeus, King of the Gods, God of Lightning

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s been a couple of months. I’m really starting to get homesick now. I wish Hades would let me go out and wandering around on the Earth, just for a few minutes, but I think he’s afraid that I’ll run off and never come back again. I’d come back—after all, we are married—just maybe not as soon as he’d like, that’s all. Besides, I want to see my Mom and share with her the news. It’s still weird to think that I’m married, and that I’m the Queen of something—especially Queen of the Underworld!

Love, Persephone, Queen of the Underworld xoxo

Dear Diary,

Well, today, it happened. They found me out. Zeus sent Hermes down to snatch away my lovely Persephone. (Hehe, I can call her mine!) Apparently, I underestimated Demeter’s wraith, and now Dee’s gone and taken away all of the life and summer from the Earth and she won’t return it until she gets her daughter back.

Aw, crap. I knew that something along these lines would eventually happen, I just didn’t think so soon. We’ve only been together for a couple of months, after all.

(On the plus side: Persephone ate a few pomegranate seeds by mistake, so she can’t stay away forever…)

--Hades, God of the Dead, King of the Underworld

Dear Diary,

It took me a while to get Zeus to get off his lazy ass and DO something about the Persephone situation, but finally, it happened. He sent Hermes down to get my baby girl back in exchange for me sending life back into the land, which I willingly did, upon seeing my Persephone.

“Mom!” she shouted, a happy smile on her face.

“Persephone!” I called back joyfully.

“Mom, you’ll never guess what happened,” she said rapidly as soon as we were close enough. “I’m married.”

This was a shocker. I suppose I should have seen it coming, knowing the gods and their penchant for marrying, but still. “Married?!” I exclaimed. “To Hades?!”

She nodded. “Yeah. He’s a pretty nice guy, despite the doom and gloom of his kingdom. Oh, and despite the fact that he kidnapped me—“

“Oh, right, let’s just forget about that little fact, honey,” I snapped. How could she take this so well? Hadn’t she missed me? I know—or at least, I thought I knew—my daughter better than that.

“Well, he was lonely,” she said. “I guess I just have a bit of pity for him. Besides, now that I’m free—“ She stopped short, a horrified look of realization dawning on her face.

“What is it?” I asked cautiously.

“Three seeds,” she said faintly. “Three little seeds.”

“Three seeds of what, honey?” I asked, trying hard to not let my panic appear on my face.

“Mom…” she said apologetically. “I accidentally ate three seeds from a pomegranate. I have to go back. I’m sorry.”

All of the sudden, Zeus, surprising us both, came down and interrupted us. Hades appeared too, and it took all of my willpower not to go over and slap him for stealing my daughter and forcing her to marry him.

“Look, guys,” Zeus began in what he probably thought was a diplomatic tone of voice. “Persephone, having eaten the food of the underworld, must return with Hades. But when she does, Demeter is going to take the life away from the land again. So, here’s the solution,” he said, taking a tone of casual authority. I don’t know why he bothers, however, since no one’s ever fooled: we all know that he’s capable—and willing—to smite us all if we deserve it.

“Persephone will spend six months out of the year in the underworld, with Hades. She’ll spend the other six here, with Demeter. Sound good to everyone?”

Like we could argue with Zeus, the king of all of us. “Yeah,” we all said, nodding. “Works for us.”

“Okay, sweet. Call me if there are any more problems, guys. I’m outta here.” He disappeared, leaving the three of us.

Hades turned to Persephone. “Come on, Perse,” he said, holding out a hand. “You’ve still got three months with me to go.”

Persephone hesitated. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Just let me say good-bye to my mom first, okay?” Hades shrugged, and my daughter turned to face me.

“Sorry, Mom,” she said as she hugged me good-bye for three months. “I love you. I’ll see you in three months. Write to me sometime, okay?”

I sighed and pushed tears out of my eyes. It was just so hard to see my baby girl all grown-up and married. I’d even missed the wedding! “Okay, baby,” I said as I hugged her back. “But when you get back, I’m throwing you a wedding shower.”

Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest