Disclaimer: I don't own the italicized words; they're from the song Killing Me by Cauterize

Broken knuckles, broken hearts

I wanted nothing to do with him, not anymore. It hurt too much, just the thought of him left an ache in my heart. How was I supposed to survive seeing him with her? She was beautiful, and he was happy. He was happier than he’d ever seemed to be with me. Why couldn’t I make him that happy?

I fell in love then fell apart

He knew I loved him, but he didn’t love me. He told me he didn’t love me, and it hurt like hell. I wanted him to be happy, so I smiled and asked if we’d still be friends. He said we would, but we both knew it was a lie. I lasted five seconds after he disappeared; the closed door separating me completely.

You tried to run; I tried to hide, still, we managed to collide

I didn’t understand how I met up with him. I hadn’t talked to him in months, hadn’t seen him in weeks. I thought that I was free, but here I stood with him, both seemingly awkward. I gave him half a smile, and he just looked defeated. My heart raced, and he looked as calm as he always did.

“I wasn’t expecting to run into you,” I shrugged at his statement. Yes, well, neither was I. “What are you doing in London?”

“Running,” I stated softly as I looked him in the eye. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Running?” He asked me, and I nodded.

“From you,” I finished the statement. “It didn’t seem to work though,” I frowned. I was still looking at him, and his confused expression turned to one of sadness.

Fell so hard, matching scars

“I’ve missed you,” He told me quietly, and I glared at him. I shook my head.

“You can’t do that,” I whispered, cursing the ache in my voice.

“Do what?” He asked as he reached out to touch my face, but I stepped back. I fell once, and it ended up hurting like hell. I can’t do it again; I can’t.

“You can’t let me fall in love with you, break my heart, and then come back when I think I’ve finally gotten away.” I couldn’t look at him. It hurt too much. “My scar can’t match yours…”

Held you close, felt so far

I wasn’t expecting what he did next. I didn’t even see it coming. I had to clench my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay as I held him close in the embrace he started.

How could he be here? Why was he here? How could we have run into each other? As I held onto him, fistfuls of his shirt, the ache in my heart turned hollow. It still hurt, but it was an empty hurt.

Hearts beating out of time

I pushed him away, shaking my head. I finally opened my eyes; a tear fell down my cheek. He reached out to wipe the trail it made away, but I took another step back. My heart was racing, but what did that mean to him?

What did I mean to him? I wasn’t sure I cared. I just felt empty, and I didn’t think he’d fill that void anymore. I pushed his hand back as he tried to reach for me again.

“I never meant to hurt you,” I glared at him. “I didn’t know how much I’d miss you, your quirks. I didn’t realize how I took it for granted that you’d leave me a note in random places, or how you’d end up falling asleep on the couch while reading. I didn’t know that I did love you.”

I laughed, but it, like my heart, was hollow, empty. It was dramatic, but its how I felt. I felt numb, like it didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t matter anymore.

You’re screaming with no reason and no rhyme.

I gave him one last look. “Goodbye,” I said before turning and running away. I ran as fast as I could in the crowd and in my heels.

I was running again, but this time I wouldn’t look back. I’d never look back.

“Wait,” he yelled, but I kept running as the tears finally fell all over again. I kept running until his voice faded.

He wasn’t a reason to run anymore. He wasn’t a reason that I needed to postpone my life like I had.

So I will save this last breath for words I won’t scream.

I don’t feel like dying, but you’re killing me.

I dropped to my knees at a bench; my chest heaving, my hair a mess covering my face and my heart still ready to burst.

And I don’t feel like dying, but you’re killing me.

Please don’t come around tonight

‘Cause I can’t stand to see you, and I don’t want to fight.

Give me one more drink, and I swear I think I’ll be ready, to make the same mistakes again with you.

I can’t make the same mistake and let you in because I don’t feel like dying, but you’re killing me.