Author: SpreadtheLove PM
In the end, it's still raining. MM SlashRated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 636 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 04-21-08 - Status: Complete - id: 2507653
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Feeling a bit weird…anyways, I'm going to go watch House MD. Does anyone watch it?
Inspired by rain and a newsletter.
It didn't matter that he was alone. All that mattered was that he hurt. And he was cold.
It just continues hurting and hurting.
He doesn't understand why he still goes back for more, maybe it's because he's a masochist, or maybe he's just crazy, or maybe, purely and simply it's just lust, but he knows that he still hurts afterwards. He doesn't understand why though.
Maybe he's guilty. Guilty about lusting after another man, he is a religious person deep down. Or maybe it's because he lies to his wife. But all he can understand is that he hurts. Everywhere. Every time.
It's still cold, and wet. He's still alone.
Underneath it all he knows it's none of those reasons, and that maybe he isn't okay. Maybe he doesn't want to feel alone again. And maybe it's for all the wrong reasons but he goes back for more. Just to not feel alone again.
And maybe, it's because he wants the attention, after all he's not getting any younger.
Sometimes he finds himself thinking, that this is all wrong, that he shouldn't lie to his wife anymore, although she's already having suspicions them.
The relationship they have, it's not bright, or warm or anything like that; it's rough, possessive and nothing but lust and carnal pleasure. It's downright sinful and lascivious and lewd behavoir. But he can't bring himself to care at those moments.
And then he remembers he's still hurting. From something that he knows isn't real, or solid or stable. Something that he knows will leave him at the end. With nothing. Something that is all about gaining and losing. With him as the loser.
Then the hope, or what little he has of it, kicks in. And it desperately wants to win. Wants to, for once be the one to be right. But then it's all about whether or not it's going to end. He doesn't know why he stands here in the rain, maybe it's because secretly he wants to be the only person in his life.
And then it's from the beginning again. Then he phones him again and he listens as the voice tells him he should come over. And yet he wants to break the cycle. Just once.
Maybe it's the fact that he's cold, and wet and above all hurting inside, but he listens and finds himself walking to his not their apartment, and he knocks on the door. Then he watches as the face contorts into that of shock and annoyance.
And then he wishes he had stayed in the rain, and cold and the hurt he felt.
Soon however as he makes up another lie, a small one compared to those he has made to his wife, (how he wishes, god he wishes, he'd never done so), and he finds himself being pushed against a door, and it's all heat and lust as he kisses back.
In the end it's just about the pleasure, the release from everything.
And for now he can just forget about all the hurt he feels. It's not healthy his brain tells him. But he's lost in the moment and just can't bring himself to actually care.
He knows that at the end of this he'll be back in the rain, and the cold, and wet.
And above all still alone, and hurting inside.
A/N: Nothing to say for once.
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