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CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

Senior Skip Day was spent on my couch, with a blanket pulled over my head, and my mother would drop a cookie on the empty plate beside me every half hour.

It was a lovely day.

Maura had spent the night, but snuck out early in the morning. The only reason I knew is because she had stopped in my room, just to see if I was okay or not. I answered with a groan and rolled over to cover my head with my pillow—Maura must’ve taken that as an ‘I’m okay’ because she was gone when I woke up next.

I had no idea where my brothers had gone, but it was me, the couch, the cookies, mom’s singing in the kitchen, and the deer mount (which still hung upside down from my jolt a few days before.)

Needless to say, I was sad when my day ended. I even thought the deer was sad too, but Friday dawned bright and early—irritatingly so, but I was happy to see that somehow—magically—my car found its way back from Kristi Jo’s.

I was a little embarrassed to admit that I’d left it there an entire week.

I got spoiled with rides, from Sawyer to—basically Sawyer.

Anyway, I got to drive myself to school, where I knew that I’d be driving myself back home afterwards. Yay for excitement, I started to enjoy the company on my rides.

The hallways were crowded when I walked inside with no glimpse of Sawyer, Tanner, or anyone else that I dreaded to see.

Even Cara—there was no Cara.

I did see Patty, once—right before class.

And when I got there, I was surprised to see that half the class was empty.

“Did I get the wrong day for Skip Day?” I asked outloud.

A few of the students snickered, but one brave soul replied, stiffly, “No. It’s state announcements right now.”

Oh!

And the lightbulb turned on.

Parker High had beat DeltaRoy in the football game last week. That meant we needed to wait for another game before finding out if our team would be going to state or not…guess they were about to find out—and judging by the roar that erupted somewhere in the hallway, Parker’s varsity football team was state-bound.

That was today.

I dropped into my seat, not sure how I felt about this sudden change.

Suddenly the classroom door burst open, our teacher hurried in, and I caught all the people that I didn’t want to see in the hallway.

It didn’t look like anyone was ready to settle down for a class, so I leaned back, content, and listened while our teacher started the lesson.

It wasn’t until after first period and when I approached my locker, that I finally ran into one of those people.

Seth dropped a shoulder on the locker beside me. He smiled, charmingly, and greeted, “Hi, beautiful.”

I opened my locker and replied, dryly, “Congratulations?”

“Congratulations.” Seth said happily, “We got in! We’re going at the end of the day. Coach gave us the day off to go home and pack for the weekend.”

“I thought you’d be packed—just in case.”

“I am. All the guys are, but we’d be stupid to turn down a free day. And,” he shifted closer, “—what are you doing the rest of the day?”

I waved a hand in the air, “Voila! School.”

“Seriously.”

“Seriously.” I deadpanned and grabbed my book.

“Since when do you care about school?”

“Since you guys aren’t in my classes today.” I chirped cheerfully.

Seth frowned, “Yeah, but…we get the day off. I was hoping…maybe…”

I looked from my locker and met his gaze.

Not good.

Seth was up to something.

I waited and then heard, “…we could head over to my place. Cara’s finally gone. I mean—”

“Cara’s gone?” I asked sharply, “What do you mean that she’s gone?”

Seth frowned, but straightened from the locker and mused, “She was staying at my place. Her parents are real tight with my mom. Anyway, her mom found a house and they moved in yesterday. Didn’t you know?”

No, but that wasn’t the point.

“Where is she today?”

And I thought she was staying at her aunt’s. Weird.

Seth shrugged, “Probably at Sawyer’s. She goes there sometimes and he was a dick yesterday when we helped them move in. It gets her hot so, no doubt, she’s over there getting it on with him.”

I hated that. And I hated that I hated that—I gritted my teeth and asked, I couldn’t not, “Does she just bounce between the two of you guys or something? What’s her deal?”

“No, but—” Seth suddenly stopped and frowned at me, “What do you care? That’s gossip. You hate gossip. Why do you care about Cara? Her and I were just a one night thing, nothing more.”

At my conflicted look, he must’ve taken it the wrong way, and shifted closer to trail a finger down my bare arm, “You know what I want—you. It’s been you for a long time, now.”

I knew. I didn’t care.

And I brushed him off when I murmured, “You slept with Kristi Jo when you dated me. You slept with Cara when you dated Kristi Jo. How do I know that you’ve changed your ways, Seth? Your track record speaks for itself.”

Seth opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

I stumped him—or rather, he didn’t know what to say to appease me.

“That’s your problem, Seth.” I said smoothly and shut my locker. “You don’t know what to say right now because you don’t know what I want to hear. That’s all you do. You say what the other person wants to hear.” I backed away and said, “I don’t care, Seth. Good luck this weekend because…I just don’t care anymore.”

When I turned around, I stopped in my tracks.

Sawyer was at the end of the hallway and judging by the scowl on his face—he hadn’t heard what I’d just said to his cousin.

And then he stomped off.

Seth stomped off behind me.

And I was left alone…as the bell sounded.

I was late.

“Hey, Levi.”

Good god.

It didn’t matter. I might not be getting to class at this rate.

I slowly turned and saw Tasha casually strolling towards me, dressed in a cheerleading uniform with two low ponytails that trailed down her back.

She looked—not Tasha, but I only grinned, “I didn’t know you were on the squad. I knew everyone else was, but not you.”

She shrugged and tucked her hands behind her back, “You don’t come to the games.”

And that made perfect sense.

“What do you want, Tasha?” I asked instead.

“What are you going to do with the videotape that I gave you?”

Oh right. That videotape.

“When I get the video of my own illegal activities, I’ll figure out what I’m doing with yours.” I said smoothly.

Tasha stopped abruptly and looked hurt, “Come on, Levi. I’ve told you a million times that I’m not the blackmailer. I don’t know who is and, really—have you even gotten a ransom demand lately?”

“I still think you guys know who it is so…I’ll show my video when you show me yours.” I said sweetly.

Tasha studied me, up and down, and then frowned, “What happened to the Cool Levi who didn’t give a shit before? I miss her.”

“She got pissed off.” I retorted.

“Apparently.” Tasha sniffed.

“When I know who blackmailed me and Maura, then I play your video and do your dirty work, but not until then.”

“Oh, come on!” Tasha grumbled, “This isn’t cool, Levi. I thought you were all about being cool.”

I gave her an incredulous look. When have I ever been about that?

I didn’t say that, but I did say, “No. That’s Kelly, not me.”

“Well…I’ll ask around for you. Believe it or not, Levi. I really don’t know who the blackmailer is, but…I’ll try and find out.” She murmured, paused, and then added, “But not until after finals this weekend. Everyone’s going. Are you going?”

And the draw would be….?

Exactly.

“No.” I only said.

And then Tasha trumped me, “I know that Sawyer’s going…”

She just let it hang there, like she knew something…and then I remembered Kelly’s own witness account. I sighed and said solemnly, “Kelly told you about us.”

She flashed a victorious grin and nodded, “She said that she saw you guys kissing. Can’t imagine what you do in private…”

“Nothing.” I said firmly.

At least, nothing right now.

Anymore.

“Well…I know that he’s going with that hot friend of his and I know that, no matter what you say, you’ve got something going with him. It’s why you were at the bonfire Wednesday night, right? I didn’t think you were really there to socialize.”

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one ‘investigating’ my sad little social world.

“Your point?” I arched a cold eyebrow.

Tasha proved immune and smiled widely, “I just want to remind you that I know a little something about you…maybe something that you might not want people to know—for whatever reason.”

Again, Tasha was my first suspect. And I told her, coolly, “Look at you—blackmailing me. It’s like you’ve done this before.”

That wiped the smug smile off her face.

Tasha said seriously, “Listen, just…I’ll ask around at the finals for you, but I don’t know if I’ll find something. And…it’d be nice if you came. You could even ride with us, if you want.”

“Why do you want me there?” Note that I didn’t say anything about her ride offer.

Tasha shrugged, but said anyway, “Because Kelly misses you, even if she is ticked about you and Sawyer. I know that she’d want you to be there…even if she won’t say it.”

“And you know everything about us, don’t you?” I mocked.

“I know that you’ll go if Sawyer goes. No matter how much you look down on us, you’re starting to act like one of us. You go where the boy goes.”

I reeled at that statement. No way in hell was I was one of them. And I proclaimed it when I insisted, “If I come, and that’s a big if, I won’t be spending time with you guys.”

Tasha shrugged, “I heard that DeltaRoy is going. Does that sweeten the pot? There’s going to be some major action this weekend.”

That did sweeten the pot, but not in the way that she thought.

“Why are they going?” I asked quietly.

Tasha frowned at the sudden softness in my tone, but she answered, cautious now, “Because they’re doing it to stick it to the guys. Jess and Eric are worried that a fight might break out, but…you never know. If the guys fight, they’re disqualified from the tournament. It’d be sweet revenge on their part, you know—for all those pranks…”

“Yeah, I heard about the sex tape.”

Tasha rolled her eyes, “I dated Bart. He’s harmless.”

And, yet, there was a flicker of worry in her eyes.

I met the guy. I knew he wasn’t harmless. And, even though I didn’t want Tasha to know, if Bart Ellesgo was going—if Sawyer was going—there was no way that I wasn’t not going.

When a teacher pointedly opened a door and harrumphed at us, Tasha and I went our separate ways. Everyone was buzzing from going to the championship finals. With most of the football players absent, school was relatively normal. A few of the more dedicated ones, like Donovan and Lincoln, stayed but the cheerleaders were also given the day off to pack.

When the bell rang, signaling lunch, I lingered at my locker and perused the hallway out to the parking lot or the hallway that led to the cafeteria.

There was no sight of Sawyer. None of Tanner. I did catch a glance from Patty as she walked by with her group of friends. Yeast Infection Keelum glared in my direction, but since she wouldn’t meet my gaze, I wasn’t sure where the glare was specifically meant for.

I shrugged it off. The girl was a fly. She buzzed around, but was easy enough to squash.

“Levi!”

Turning, I was surprised to see a friendly wave from Donovan. Both he and Lincoln stopped at my locker.

They both looked the epitome of high school royalty, which both of them were, but I had to hand it to the two. They were best friends, popular, and still nice guys. And for some reason, I was grateful that they chose to stop and say hello to me.

“Hey, guys.” I greeted with a wave back at them.

Donovan grinned and flashed his two dimples.

I heard a girl moan down the hall and knew she’d been waiting just for that sight.

Lincoln leaned against a locker and asked, casually, “So I hear that you’re not happy with my little sis?”

“Oh—it’s all that blackmail stuff and now Kelly and…there’s more, but I’m not specifically mad at Kristi Jo.”

Donovan pumped a fist in the air, “Right on!” He said victoriously, “Way to stick it to them.”

Them? I arched an eyebrow and drawled, “Pretty sure that you’re included in that group.”

Both guys laughed, but Lincoln only replied, “Can’t reject your family. Hey—you should come and sit with us for lunch. The table will be pretty empty today.”

As they both started to walk by, I grinned and replied, “Maybe.”

After both passed down the hallway, with a few swooning girls left in their wake, I had to admit that the hallway towards the parking lot didn’t hold as much appeal as earlier.

I had just decided to follow behind when I heard Sawyer murmur behind me, silkily, “Thought you’d be gone for the day. You know, since you and my cousin are a thing now.”

I stopped, swallowed tightly, and turned to see a remorseful Sawyer before me.

He just watched me, intently.

I knew what he was doing—and yet, I didn’t.

He sounded hurt, but I was hurt—I was hurt by what he could represent.

I sighed softly and nearly whispered, “Hi, Sawyer.”

He blew out a ragged breath and pounded one fist into a locker.

The last time we’d spoken, I’d lied and he retaliated by pinning me against the nearest wall.

I wondered what would happen this time.

“You know it’s funny—I haven’t heard one thing about you and Seth. And yet, you told me, right from your lips that you were going back to him.”

It sounded like an accusation, but it was a question.

What could I do?

I shrugged and looked away.

Sawyer saw this and quickly grabbed my chin. He forcefully turned me to look at him and clipped out, “Damn well look when I talk to you.”

Something snapped in me and I shoved him back in turn.

Sawyer didn’t have time to look at me in surprise before I hurdled at him, nastily, “You don’t tell me what to do! You don’t tell me what to think or feel or….you don’t do that—”

Startled, I stopped myself and turned away.

I heard a clock tick loudly down the hallway.

Sounds from the cafeteria were in the distance, but their laugh crept eerily down to where we stood.

And my heart pounded furiously and slowly at the same time.

I only heard my heart pound until Sawyer cleared his throat, taken aback, and murmured behind me, “I don’t know…I don’t know what’s going on, Levi. None of this makes sense to me.”

Saddened, I turned back and nearly whimpered, “This is all so that you can play soccer again. That’s what it’s all about.”

Liar.

That’s what Sawyer’s blue eyes were calling me when they pierced right through me.

He shook his head, “That’s not true and you know it. There’s a lot going on here that I don’t understand.”

“It’s about…being who you’re supposed to be. You were hiding, Sawyer. Tanner told me that—he wants you to be who you are.”

“And you and Seth? That’s supposed to do that?”

Here’s where I could unburden my soul. I could tell him everything, how I had only wanted to protect him, how I never wanted to hurt him, but…that’s what I could’ve done. What I did instead was raise my head, square my jaw, and force out, “You and I weren’t supposed to happen. We, just…you’re not the guy that I thought you were. I see that now and…Tanner’s right, Sawyer. You shouldn’t let some family drama keep you from your dreams.”

Sawyer bit out a harsh laugh in disbelief, “Family drama? Is that what he said?”

I was caught off guard by the hostility that slammed in his eyes. The rage was there, it had just been banked, but now it flamed bright and furiously.

Sawyer edged a foot closer and I moved a foot backwards

He whispered, sending shivers down my back, “You want to know about family drama? You, with your perfect father and perfect mother who bakes cookies and invites your friends to have some—with your two perfect older brothers who worship the ground that you walk on and just want to protect you—and even with your best friends…which ever one you chose in the end—you have all of that and you dare to say that I have ‘family drama?’ You have no idea, Levi!”

I felt slapped. And yet, I couldn’t look away.

I just saw the pain in him. It was real and startling and it was screaming outloud to me.

My fingers trembled so I formed fists to keep them under control. They bit into my skin, but I didn’t notice. I couldn’t look away from Sawyer.

“My mom left us.” He said, stricken. “She left—how would you feel if your mom would suddenly left? I was a big reason why she left, Levi. It’s on me. It was because of—god—you don’t want to know what it’s all about, but…I’m not playing soccer because of my dickwad cousin. I’m not playing because it’s what pushed my mom away in the first place.”

I remembered his words. He hadn’t confessed them too long ago and I said now, hoarsely, “But you told me that you want to play again. That you wanted Tanner to come here and force this issue…I mean…what was that about?”

Sawyer grinned, crookedly, but the smile never reached his eyes. They were flat when they held mine and he said, dead, “Haven’t you ever loved something that you couldn’t have?”

I had.

As I looked at him, something clicked in place and I knew that I was looking at the thing that I loved, but couldn’t have.

As I registered that, shock waves rippled inside of me, but I still heard Sawyer sigh, haggardly, “Sometimes playing on the field is the only thing that makes sense to me. Sometimes…but not when it pushes the ones I love away. I won’t do that. I can’t.”

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AN: To clarify up front, Tasha and Bart have different perspectives on their 'dating'. They went on a few dates--nothing in Bart's mind, but Tasha has a different perspective. I just want to clear that up right away. And yes, Bart will be in a few upcoming chapters, but he's not a romantic interest for Levi. She's got enough dealing with Sawyer right now. The end is nearing!