I love writing to just write down my thoughts. Though my thoughts can be selfish, self-centered, and unreasonable, it does not mean I am. I am allowed to let myself be selfish, self-centered at times do I not? I'm not of those that are completely honest, and I want people to notice me. There is a possibility of me being selfish other then me writing. There is a possibility that I am lying of all I have already said, but it does not mean I will stop my words. I am one that is tired of always staying in the background and whose words do not matter.

As I was growing up there are those that told me my words were not important, that there was nothing that was making me special. I believe that was true. What makes me so special for others to listen to my words and for people to know of my existence? Although, do people need to be special to live? For people to know of their existence because that is what they believe what living is all about? Maybe my words may not be important, but it does not mean I don't want to be heard out like many others. No one needs to be told that one's life is pointless on this earth and for the fact that they died nothing would change. This became my realty.

What am I speaking of? It's understandable for you not to understand. I did not clearly state my thesis. What I want you to know is don't treat anyone unjust and unkind. Show all respect either they deserve it or not. Remember to appreciate those people around you and keep all of those you know sprits up. Never judge those for what they did or what they look like. Don't be jealous of what other's had, but cherish what you have. Don't think so much of what you want and deserve to have but what you need. Basically all I want to state is to love your life the way it is and appreciate all other lives no matter what they have done.

Does that sound unreasonable? It is understandable if you think so, or doubt anyone would do as I have said. Who am I to tell what others should do? That is true, and I agree. Although, understand I am just speaking of my mind and sharing my thoughts to those that car and are interested.

Like many people I come up with crazy ideas and unrealistic plans which would probably never work. It is a thought of how I wanted to be treated and judged. So much runs though my head and it would distract from my life. These thoughts are the thoughts that make me cry. I don't want others to end up places they are not meant to end up because to these kind of thoughts.

I did not write this to be recognized; you don't have to believe me if you do not want, but hear me out. I want people to think over all of those people they hurt and was never completely shared their feelings with. I want people to think of the things they regret and think of things they should have done. Think as if life is too short to do careless things to others. I want people to be careful when they judge others and think of ways to make life better for everyone not just for those that are innocent, but for those that commit crime. They are innocents too; stray from their path for one reason or another.

People now don't have the maturity levels as there was once before, but it is not like saying none of us can grow now and realize something before we make a mistake. We must learn to stop hurting others and learn to come to common grounds with ones you call enemies.

This may sound so much like a Utopia, which basically it is, but no one has to see it as a Utopia. Maybe it is impossible for all to do this, but there are those that can and should do this. Life may then seem so unfair to you if you do such things like this, and want to only worry for your own sake. This is common, but it would make so much more people suffer, I would know.

When I was young, I did what most children would do, but I was harshly punished for all the mistakes I have made. I fear to make a mistake and this fear takes over my mind and body. I would not stop thinking about it until I make another mistake. I was told that I can make nothing of my life because my grades are not up to the standards of colleges and I would not be wasting my time in school and go to work. I have been brought down so many times just because someone believes that this is the best way to bring me to be better or praise me to give me hope in something that I would never achieve. Life should not be contained in lies, but in giving hope to something they have true talents for.

Life seems so pointless at the time. I gave up hope for everything. I yearn for that hope still, something to save me from this disparity that drains me. I want some sign to save me from these nightmares of mine, someone that is able to stand by my side when I am too weak to stand and walk. I no longer wanted these thoughts of suffering and disparity and to me the only way out was death. I kept this within me without anyone knowing because I know some people would not understand, but that may be a lie. I know for a fact that because of these thoughts I have come to take pity upon myself and started to hate myself.

I'm not a poor girl in which I may not know their suffering. My life is not worse off as so many others out there and still strong enough to stand and fight. I would say I had quiet a fortunate life then many others. Unfortunately, my mother does not seem to understand my emotional stress I always seem to go under and how I can do nothing under pressure other then cry and give up. I cannot tell any of this to her, as some would know how hard it is to say such words. I don't want to cry in front of her of such things, make her believe I am strong so she would not pity me as I have already pitied myself.

I know I am not the only one that has gone though such pressures and I know many students in high school have gone to such pressure. I would tell you to speak to your parents, if they do not listen then talk to someone to help you. This kind of pressure does not always turn one's life into a good direction. Children end up suffering more then they need to, and are forced to grow into an age that they are not ready to. Not everything is about their futures, but to have a past to be happy of and able to remember. I for one have not been able to remember any of my happy memories. I can only remember of those times when I have given up on life, but never able to do anything about.

All of this sounds rather unorganized and the thoughts are everywhere. That is true, everything is every where. This is what is always disturbing me, and making me unable to live the life I want to, be happy when I want to, remember those things that make me happy. This is what is keeping me from everything, even finding love and hope.