Necessary

It was a rare, almost unheard of moment when Felix simply sat. Not silent because his mouth was filled with taffy, bubblegum or some other form of sugar coated decadence, nor because he’d been punished by Vyvian for a childish misdemeanour. Felix Armand Fabrizio was sitting still, of his own accord, and thinking quietly. Vyvian had almost had a heart attack. Felix hadn’t noticed, instead letting loose a quiet sigh of melancholy. Noting the decadent language of this piece of writing, along with her adopted child’s sudden bout of effeminate emotions, Vyvian promptly decided that she wanted little to do with a fanfic of this nature and made herself scarce. This, having removed the one character who may have given young Felix and form of advice on the matter, leaves the story quite open to the problems the boy’s dilemma would open.

Felix didn’t notice his mother leave. He sighed again, changing the weight of his rested head from hand to hand when the occasion suited him and simply staring into space. Yes, young Felix looked very much like an adolescent in love, the sort of love that may never be requited or even accepted due to some silly problem such as age, sex or race. He had age and sex against him, he knew this already; what was the difference? Nine years? Oh, surely that wasn’t such an impossible gap for them to breach. I mean…Chase liked him, right? They were super-special, fantastic, awesome best friends forever.

Yes. Chase. His best friend, his surrogate big-brother. It felt so, so wrong yet could you really blame him? Chase had always been there for him; always willing to play, always willing to pull pranks and always, always offering back-up when Dominic or Mana bullied him, or when the baddies were just a few too many to stand up to his awesomeness. Chase with his easy smile and boyish looks, even in his early thirties. The way he wrinkled his nose when he didn’t like something, and tripped over his own feet. Felix had to resist another heavy sigh. Were Chase to put his mind to it, he could really have anyone he wanted.

Luckily for Felix, Chase was either too shy and embarrassed, or too dense to make a move on anyone. Or, if a girl came onto him, he’d blush and stammer and get out of there as soon as possible. These days it gave Felix a rush of pleasure whenever it happened. It made him think that maybe, just maybe, Chase was holding out for him. Waiting for him to grow up, to confess, waiting for him to be ready for them to be together. It was a dream, he knew, but it was such a sweet one. Sweet as the lollypop he twirled idly between his fingers. He hadn’t touched the wrapper, simply fondling the stick as he thought. He hadn’t had a sweet in over an hour.

Now that was tragic.

The wrapper was disposed of quickly and fluttered down to the sea below, which swallowed it greedily. The lollypop was cherry flavoured, he noted, far more sickly than the real thing could ever be. He forced a smile or two before he turned around, taking a moment to work his way up to a public appearance. If he went out there unsmiling, people would know, just know, that something was up. So as soon as his grin reached his ears he bounded off, waving here and there to sailors he particularly liked this voyage. They smiled or waved back, the occasional one teasing him about his most recent growth spurt which left his pants far too short for him. Felix giggled and poked his tongue out in jest where it was needed, one eye trained on the entrance to the hull while he entertained. Chase was down there, he always was after lunch. He talked with the other sailors, played cards on occasion; Felix didn’t mind. After all, Chase did need his adult time, after all.

He was clattering down the stairs to the dining hall when he stopped, laughter wafting up to him. It was ‘adult’ laughter, he’d worked out over the years. The sort of laughter that came out of taverns after seven o’clock, when men who bathed nightly in drink boasted about “All manner of things that would be best left private, had they any shred of modesty or manners” – quote Vyvian. But why was Chase down there? Surely he’d rather -

“So Chasetone,” Came a rather loud, slurred voice. As Felix withdrew into the shadows behind the door, he noted dimly that Vyvian would be highly displeased at people being so intoxicated at this hour. It was barely past noon! “That dame back at port was lookin’ at you real close like. You finally get some, eh?”

Felix froze with baited breath. Chase wasn’t like that, surely! Chase’s warm laughter rang through the hull. “Oh come on, please, she had enough makeup to make the Argonian army into convincing drag-queens.”

Another round of laughter. The first voice sounded disgruntled. “Well ya gotta have some type, don’t ya? Coulda been her, for all we knew.”

“Aw, come on James, everyone ‘ere knows Chase’s gotta be gay.” There was a pause, followed by some uneasy, quiet laughter. Felix could almost imagine Chase’s face as he calmly, ever so calmly, took a sip of whatever he was drinking. The second voice continued. “I mean, really, he hasn’t shown an interest in anyone, and anyone comin’ onto him he stammers and blushes like a little boy. Gotta be gay.”

“Just because I don’t take advantage of any young lady to throw themselves at me doesn’t mean I have no interest.” Came Chase’s reply. Felix felt his heart sink. “I simply haven’t found the right one yet. As for men – well! – they’re most certainly not to my taste!”

There was a round of cheers at the table - joined with many reassurances that none of them had ever doubted Chase’s manliness – and someone yelled for more drinks to be poured. All noise seemed muted, drawn thin, to Felix’s ears as he stood there, out of sight. There were no words…none at all. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. His heart felt as if it might explode from the mixture of pain, betrayal and pure sorrow that coursed through him. He wanted to…hurt. Hurt Chase for the stinging wounds he hadn’t even known he’d inflicted, and hurt himself for believing it might ever work. A hand, solid amongst it all, slid onto his shoulder and he felt himself being steered back up the stairs.

It was only when Vyvian had closed the door to her cabin that Felix let himself cry, throwing himself into his mother’s arms. Vyvian said nothing.

-

Chase flinched at the hard glare Vyvian had shot him through the ajar door. She knew why he’d done it – gods, he’d had to! – yet it still made it no less messy. Felix would recover and move on, they both knew he would, but it still hurt. Chase saw him as a little brother, almost a son, and had known Felix’s feelings for a while. The kid was nine years younger than him though, for pity’s sake; he was no paedophile! Chase sighed, downing another mug. He wasn’t that fond of drink but, for today, he’d make an exception. No matter how needed it had been, betraying one of your best friends like that was never easy. He could only pray that Felix would forgive him.

AN: Originally part of a story-trade with Tsukiyohei but has ended up as a gift instead, from what it looks like. Had a bit of fun playing with styles in this one. XD Not my usual sort of piece, in my opinion, and I had quite a bit of trouble with it! Felix belongs to Tsukiyohei, Chase belongs to Chelsea-Rose and Vyvian is mine. Please do not use without permission.