Prologue

I stared at the screen blankly. I needed to put down something or else I might never hear from him again and for some reason even considering that occurence upset me. I reread the email and sighed. He had simply asked how I was, yet I couldn’t force myself to lie in this simple message. I didn't even understand why he had tried to contact me in the first place. I was over thinking it and that always led to problems, but I couldn’t stop myself.

My fingers grazed over the keys in hesitation before I finally started to type.

Hey, it's good to hear from you but unreasonably painful as well. I thought I would be okay and it's not like I didn't try, but in reality I feel so tired and strained. We never spoke often and that last day before you moved, it wasn’t hard to say goodbye. I’ve known you for almost ten years since we were very young, and we had never been close but you were there. Now it’s empty. I love you for some reason, and I don’t mean in the infatuated sort of way though if you asked me about those kinds of feelings I don’t think I could honestly deny them. Maybe it’s because I trust you. I can’t trust most my family or my best friends, but I can rely on you, and I wonder why but that’s how it turned out. I told James I trusted him but it wasn’t true. I guess I should just lie right now and to anyone else I could, not to you though. This is all so bewildering, and I’m still questioning why I’m admitting it. You might think so many things after reading this, but they all must be better than what I would feel if I kept quiet about these thoughts; at least that’s what I’m forcing myself to believe or else I wouldn’t have the courage to press that send key as I’m about to do. I don't expect a response because that would simply allow hope which I refuse to recognize, so I don't really know how to finish this, but I hope you're doing well even after having to read this. Please just, be happy.

There was an impulse that made me end it, and now, all I could do was obsess over what i had chosen to do. I could have just ruined it with him, but he was gone and it wouldn’t have mattered either way.

This is short, but the next chapter will be longer especially if there are reviews!!