Based on a blurry dream, a guy I thought I knew and a surge of emotion so strong, it drove me crazy even as I slept.

The silver sequins play with the light all around her

The soft, golden light begging her

To slow down in the wake of metallics

While she paces, glances nervously out of the window

Another party, another set up

Another chance to feel wrapped up too tight

Another chance to cash in on beautiful tragedies

Play the part she wasn’t born into

And she stands there on the edge of,

the precipice of a night she can already see

Planned out so perfectly ahead of her

And he’s confusing her with his reasons,

And her words are tumbling out

Not making any more sense than their hearts

All she knows is that her own

Is beating, pounding out of control

Her nerves are crackling with the static

Every particle of her, stained black

Filled up like dead blood with pure intent

“Please,” she begs over and over

The repetition is killing him

Her desperation is all but

Turning her insides out

Bursting her at the seams like always

Because how can a body so small

Be expected to hold so much raging emotion

Filled up like she never has been before

And how funny that she’s asking

To be filled up even more

And why not that night?

Why not when her body is pointing

Like a compass needle only to him

The phase of the moon is beyond her

Don’t even ask for the date or the time

“Just get here.” she’s ready to start crying

She hates to bring out the big guns,

Hates to get him here on a guilt trip

When it’s the guilt that’s making him

Resist in the first place

The only thing they can say for her,

At least she has an eye

For picking the classy ones

Because he knows this isn’t right

Taking it from molding lips

To pressing skin

Like I said, she hates to taint his reasons

With the purpose of conscience

But still…anything to get him here

And the ends will always justify the means

He hates that about her

That she can find a loophole,

A justifiable cause for any action

She reminds him of a lawyer that way

And more than a few times he’s questioned

Her vow to diplomacy

“Come and have some wine,

I made sure they bought your favorite red.”

She goads him, knowing they could both use

A drink or seven

And after he finally agrees,

She’s hard pressed to leave the bottle closed

Or even her clothes on.

She also knows that

the minute she sees him walk in the front door

Her whole world will tilt a little

The Christmas directions might fall

The paintings will come undone at the center

And from that point on

It won’t matter how many times she plays

Hide-and-go-seek with the bottom of her wine glass

That fever on her cheeks won’t go away until he does

The dizziness will permeate every wall she has up

For everyone else

So she might as well get drunk

While she’s off kilter to begin with

“I think you’ve had enough”

He tries to convince her gently,

Lifting her glass from her hands

And setting it out of view

Not that it matters,

since he’s really all she ever sees anyway

And what she’s trying to make him see

Is that there’s no need for him to trip over his guilt

That even if she was sober, she’d still want this

Because the truth is,

She always has.